Hating my little brother

[StevieBlunder]

Sorry for the wall of text but it is a long story. Thanks in advance if anybody reads it and would give advice.
So anyways here it goes... me and my brother have always been best friends for 22 years. Starting a couple years ago he went to a mission field and got treated very badly by the other missionaries. Ever since then he has been getting angry at me just for talking to him. For example if I asked him how his day was, he would get really judgmental of what my intentions were for talking to him and tell me if I kept talking to him he would be furious. I probably talked about the mission a few times with him within that year so I'm guessing he was thinking I was going to bring that up again which I wasn't as I decided to never do again after the first time he got angry when I asked about it. I'm not the only one he's been horrible to either he has been trying hard to not kill people at the mission and has broken doors and such for being so angry.
So last year was the last straw, when we was driving me to the grocery store I asked him how he was doing and he started getting mad, after I said that I asked him why was he getting mad? Then he said I thought you were going to talk to me about the mission. After that I told him I wasn't going to and for the first time I told him to stop being so judgmental. That's when he flipped. He drove the truck off of the road screaming that he was going to kill me so I jumped out of the truck while it was going off the road and ran.
I haven't talked to him in about a year since then and I'm wondering if I should ever talk to him again. I do miss my brother before he went to the mission he was easily one of the nicest and most fun guys I knew. Right now if I even think about him I just get angry and want to beat him to a pulp because of how he treated me and others. I know we're supposed to forgive which is what I have been doing for the whole year that he treated me like crap but I don't think that would be wise as he would probably just keep getting angry at me again if I talked to him which I really don't need or should ever have to put up with. So am I doing the right thing by not talking to him? Should I just continue never talking to him again? Any idea what in the world is wrong with him? Am I to blame for any of this? Thanks for anybody who actually read all this.

 

[Messy]

That's awful. I think he got so mad at them and offended and didn't forgive them that he let a demon of anger in, it also sounds like what some get when they get back from the military, PTSD. Weird missionaries.

 

[Sketcher]

Did he ever get that mad at anything before the trip?

You have to forgive him, pray for him, and give him space. You can't control his end of things, but you can control your end. Reconciliation can only happen when both ends are ready.

 

[iplay4JC]

Yikes! Give him the space he needs to sort things out. But don't totally lose contact with him. Every now and then send him a card, or text etc. to let him know you're still thinking of him. Keep your messages short and sweet, not too lengthy.

When he's ready, he'll come around. My two cents...

 

[StevieBlunder]

Thanks guys, that makes me feel better that you agree that I'm doing all the right things. I don't ever remember him getting angry except maybe once his whole life before going to that Navajo reservation. The first time I talked to him again after he left for the mission and then on he has been a completely different person. Crazy how the nicest, least angry person I know turned into the most angry person I know in just a month after I saw him. It's been a year and I still feel the need to beat him up badly. Oh well, I'll just continue to pray and hope to not see him ever again.

 

[tturt]

yes, let him know how much you miss talking with him via text, cards, etc.

 

[Tina W]

Wow, something had to have happened to him out on the mission field that he's not able to talk about or work through. He needs to talk to someone and quick. I would just give him more space while he works through his problem, you don't have to hate him or anything just give him space to deal with whatever it is AND PRAY FOR HIM.

 

[Bramwell]

I agree re giving him space, and guarding against bitterness yourself. As someone mentioned, it seems he must have been through quite a traumatic experience at the mission camp. He hasn't been able to sufficiently come to terms with what happened, and that came out in how he dealt with you.

Anyway, patience and space seem key. Don't stress, stay hopeful, and look for opportunities to make positive steps in the relationship.

 

[brinny]

It sounds like your brother was severely traumatized, and as stated in an above post he may be having PTSD episodes and/or flashbacks.

I agree about the prayer. Pray pray pray for him, that he gets the help he needs and take your feelings of wanting to beat him up to God and LEAVE them there, while asking God to strengthen and sustain you, and to grant you extraordinary wisdom, discernment, and clarity, and that God intervenes and ministers as only He can, in this dire dire situation. Praying for both of you.

 

[StevieBlunder]

Well my brother is coming home next month and I'm wondering what to do. Should I beat him up? I don't know any other way to make things right. I'm an ultra nice guy, probably comes from a life of not having any friends and being the central target at school and many other social activities. Treating somebody like this like crap just can't go on so I really feel the need to beat him up, I can't think of any other way of making this right. What should I do? I refuse to take another hurtful comment from him I am the older brother, I am bigger than he is, and I should not be badly disrespected by a Christian missionary. I tried reasoning and that does not work what else biblically can I do?

 

[brinny]

PRAY for him, and for wisdom and direction from God for yourself. Praying for both of you.

 

[Sketcher]

Well my brother is coming home next month and I'm wondering what to do. Should I beat him up? I don't know any other way to make things right.

Why would this make things right? Why would a 27-year-old Christian believe that this would make things right?

 

[thesunisout]

Well my brother is coming home next month and I'm wondering what to do. Should I beat him up? I don't know any other way to make things right. I'm an ultra nice guy, probably comes from a life of not having any friends and being the central target at school and many other social activities. Treating somebody like this like crap just can't go on so I really feel the need to beat him up, I can't think of any other way of making this right. What should I do? I refuse to take another hurtful comment from him I am the older brother, I am bigger than he is, and I should not be badly disrespected by a Christian missionary. I tried reasoning and that does not work what else biblically can I do?

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,
Matthew 6:15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

The scripture tells us plainly that if we refuse to forgive others, God won't forgive us either. Your pride has been wounded and you need to humble yourself and let it go. I treated my younger brother badly long ago when he wounded my pride (because I am the older brother), and because of that we don't have a relationship today. You are blessed that you have had a good relationship with your brother in the past; that is more valuable than you know. Protect it like the pupil of your eye and ask God to give you His love and forgiveness for your brother. Let your grudge go before it goes too far; these things can have lifetime consequences. Take it from me and let it go for good and love and forgive your brother from your heart.

 

[StevieBlunder]

Well I've forgiven him as much as I can, the reason I wanted to beat him up was because I thought I might have to as he's been absolutely insane and unreasonable and I thought I might need to smack some sense into him but yeah I guess that would just make things worse. I've just been pondering this for so long that I've gone a little crazy with my own reasoning. But again, I think I think I've forgiven him but he is dead to me that's how it has to be. This is all his doing not mine, being extremely hateful to me for 2 years and right after I gave him a 200 dollar Christmas present that I went through a lot of trouble to get and helped him build he threatens to kill me.

 

[StevieBlunder]

Also there's a point when you can't just keep forgetting about what people do to you. With this example my brother has been doing nothing but getting furious at me every single time I've talked to him. At this point it would be extremely stupid to start talking to him again as it is inevitable that he will get furious at me again which he better not do again, to be honest I wish I would have fought him the first time he got furious at me as that was really horrible for him to do as I've done absolutely nothing except be extremely nice while trying to help him through his hard times at the mission. Also when I say furious I mean he is ready to kill me and he has been ready to kill me many times. So no I don't think I will be talking to him again.

 

[BrokenWarrior]

This is some messed up stuff I'm reading...

If you really think that if you see him again you might need to beat him up,I suggest for both your sakes to not be in the same room together.

Something weird must have happened to him, so just recognize the fact he's going through something,pray with all your strength for both of you,and forgive him with all your heart.

If you never see eachother again,atleast you've forgiven him and no more sin has been committed.

And whose not to say that you two might not work it out somehow eventually anyway?

I'll pray for both your sakes.

God be with you!
-Your Brother In Christ

 

[thesunisout]

Also there's a point when you can't just keep forgetting about what people do to you. With this example my brother has been doing nothing but getting furious at me every single time I've talked to him. At this point it would be extremely stupid to start talking to him again as it is inevitable that he will get furious at me again which he better not do again, to be honest I wish I would have fought him the first time he got furious at me as that was really horrible for him to do as I've done absolutely nothing except be extremely nice while trying to help him through his hard times at the mission. Also when I say furious I mean he is ready to kill me and he has been ready to kill me many times. So no I don't think I will be talking to him again.

I understand that you are very hurt, but God instructs us to demonstrate radical love and forgiveness. When Jesus was on the cross, He asked the Father to forgive those crucifying Him. That's the example Jesus gives us.

Your brother is heading to hell and Jesus wants to use you to show your brother His love. You are denying Jesus that opportunity, to get glory out of your life and save your brother. You are hurting yourself the most of all:

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,
Matthew 6:15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

If you won't forgive your brother completely, God won't forgive you either. It's right there in black and white. If you don't have Gods forgiveness for sins then you have no fellowship with Him:

1 John 1:6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
1 John 1:7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

That means that when you refuse to forgive your brother completely, your fellowship with God is broken and you are walking in darkness. Is that the way you want to live your life, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth? You must turn the other cheek brother. Don't sacrifice your relationship with God on the alter of your stubborn pride. Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord..He will repay. Our responsibility before God is to love and forgive.

This said, I know it is impossible for you right now the way you are. In your heart you must decide to do this, then God will give you the strength and the love and the forgiveness you need to do it. Not your love, not your strength, not your forgiveness. Our love in the flesh is conditional, and our strength is our pride and not righteousness, and our forgiveness is selfish. We will love and forgive people until they do some unrepented wrong before us. But if God had that attitude towards us He would have never gone to the cross and we would have all gone to hell. That's what Satan wants for your brother. Don't agree with him! Allow God to use you in your brothers life, and start doing that by asking God to give you His love and forgiveness for your brother. Ask Him to change your heart so you can truly love and forgive your brother. Keep praying until it happens. God will do it! There is nothing God asks us to do that He won't help us do.

 

[StevieBlunder]

I just got to wondering, if he wasn't driving the car and it wasn't late at night and we weren't in a place where I could have gotten away, he easily could have caught up to me and tried to beat me up or "kill me" as he said as I have asthma. What should I have done then? Should I have beaten him up or just let him beat me up? I feel that since he is one of the biggest "Christians" I've ever known there should be some rebuking for these actions.

 

[brinny]

I just got to wondering, if he wasn't driving the car and it wasn't late at night and we weren't in a place where I could have gotten away, he easily could have caught up to me and tried to beat me up or "kill me" as he said as I have asthma. What should I have done then? Should I have beaten him up or just let him beat me up? I feel that since he is one of the biggest "Christians" I've ever known there should be some rebuking for these actions.

Would you mind elaborating?

Thank you kindly.

 

[pescador]

Matthew 6:14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,
Matthew 6:15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

The scripture tells us plainly that if we refuse to forgive others, God won't forgive us either. <snip>

This is not the case for Christians. This particular section of Matthew was told to the (unsaved) Jews prior to the cross. Christians are forgiven or else the cross has no effect.