The littlest thing about this morning, around 10:30. My husband was here. We were talking, he said he was going to go back to work because he didn't want to argue. I didn't think we were arguing. I said that to him, he said we always argue and left to go back to work. We don't argue much. I don't get it.
It was nap time. I take one with my boys because my trileptal makes me very tired.
So went to nap, was talking to God, at first up was upset and down, as I talked it turned to anger against my husband, then it turned to urges to self harm.
So that makes other things come into my thoughts. I smoke. He quit about 7 years back. He said last night I need to cut down how much I smoke, easier said than done. So decided I will. I quit about two back or so, threw me into a massive depression with anger, anxiety and really bad urges to self harm.
Decided well no matter what it does to my in that sense, I will just have to deal. Tired of feeling guilty when he has to buy them. Tired of feeling like he holds it against me in some way.
I can't use the patch, gum or even the electronic cig because something in those does not mix with my meds, so cold turkey it has to be. Guess I have to suck it, rely on God and DBT skills(which I just started last week, so very new) and ride it all out.
Now we are up and I am very down about him saying we argue all the time. I am hurt, I am anxious and feel like I am such a burden and to not be such a burden I have to quit.
Just a lot of mixed feeling going on about everything.
It was nap time. I take one with my boys because my trileptal makes me very tired.
So went to nap, was talking to God, at first up was upset and down, as I talked it turned to anger against my husband, then it turned to urges to self harm.
So that makes other things come into my thoughts. I smoke. He quit about 7 years back. He said last night I need to cut down how much I smoke, easier said than done. So decided I will. I quit about two back or so, threw me into a massive depression with anger, anxiety and really bad urges to self harm.
Decided well no matter what it does to my in that sense, I will just have to deal. Tired of feeling guilty when he has to buy them. Tired of feeling like he holds it against me in some way.
I can't use the patch, gum or even the electronic cig because something in those does not mix with my meds, so cold turkey it has to be. Guess I have to suck it, rely on God and DBT skills(which I just started last week, so very new) and ride it all out.
Now we are up and I am very down about him saying we argue all the time. I am hurt, I am anxious and feel like I am such a burden and to not be such a burden I have to quit.
Just a lot of mixed feeling going on about everything.
