Hate everything about myself

[Migdala]

Ok, but have you ever gone a LONG time without sensing the Holy Spirit? With not sensing Him drawing you, leading you away from temptation, convicting you of sin, etc. etc.???? If so, how did you get Him to come back?

 

[michael714]

> See, I don't have the conviction of sins anymore. That terrifies me. I've said so many horrible things against God-I know I have grieved His Spirit horribly. I've occasionally fallen into deliberate sin when the pain of my situations has gotten too bad. I'm terrified that I have grieved Him so much by my words, thoughts, and actions that I have lost the Holy Spirit for good.

I don't think we ever "lose" salvation by blowing it in sin. Otherwise, we'd all be losing it. Can one intentionally turn away from God and reject Him forever, to the point where all hope is lost? I suppose, if the Lord keeps calling (knocking on the door of a man's heart) and he keeps saying no to God, then there could be a real danger of this.
But I don't hear from your posts that you've intentionally turned away from God.
I hear that you've blown it but would still like your relationship restored.

The question for you may be, are you willing to take a chance that God means what He says when He says that he forgives all of our sins because of the cross? My impression is there wouldn't be hope if you didn't care anymore. I hear that you do care and would like to get right with God. I can't remember one story in Scripture of a man or woman who really wanted the Lord who God didn't forgive. Where there consequences for sin? Yes.

Peter is my favorite apostle. He denied Christ 3x, the last with cursing, yet Christ fully restored him. Imagine the terror Peter might have gone through after denying Christ before the Lord was raised. If anyone's faith could have failed, it would have been Peter's.
But God is faithful.

You're going to have to get your focus off your feelings and on to what God says in His word. That must be the only standard of truth, not your subjective thoughts.

You may have a hard heart right now, but I believe that if you seek Him on a consistent basis, you'll start hearing Him through His word.
Psalms 103, 130, 1st John 1 and Colossians 2 would be good places to start.
When He brings sin to mind, then confess it. Take all of God's word to heart, not just one side. If you want a soft heart, or conviction of sin, then ask Him for it, and don't stop asking until He answers.

 

[Jeshu]

> See, I don't have the conviction of sins anymore. That terrifies me. I've said so many horrible things against God-I know I have grieved His Spirit horribly. I've occasionally fallen into deliberate sin when the pain of my situations has gotten too bad. I'm terrified that I have grieved Him so much by my words, thoughts, and actions that I have lost the Holy Spirit for good.

I don't think we ever "lose" salvation by blowing it in sin. Otherwise, we'd all be losing it. Can one intentionally turn away from God and reject Him forever, to the point where all hope is lost? I suppose, if the Lord keeps calling (knocking on the door of a man's heart) and he keeps saying no to God, then there could be a real danger of this.
But I don't hear from your posts that you've intentionally turned away from God.
I hear that you've blown it but would still like your relationship restored.

The question for you may be, are you willing to take a chance that God means what He says when He says that he forgives all of our sins because of the cross? My impression is there wouldn't be hope if you didn't care anymore. I hear that you do care and would like to get right with God. I can't remember one story in Scripture of a man or woman who really wanted the Lord who God didn't forgive. Where there consequences for sin? Yes.

Peter is my favorite apostle. He denied Christ 3x, the last with cursing, yet Christ fully restored him. Imagine the terror Peter might have gone through after denying Christ before the Lord was raised. If anyone's faith could have failed, it would have been Peter's.
But God is faithful.

You're going to have to get your focus off your feelings and on to what God says in His word. That must be the only standard of truth, not your subjective thoughts.

You may have a hard heart right now, but I believe that if you seek Him on a consistent basis, you'll start hearing Him through His word.
Psalms 103, 130, 1st John 1 and Colossians 2 would be good places to start.
When He brings sin to mind, then confess it. Take all of God's word to heart, not just one side. If you want a soft heart, or conviction of sin, then ask Him for it, and don't stop asking until He answers.

i fully endorse all said here.

We depressed people suffer deeply and don't always behave rightly - I have cursed God in the face - more than once - and died in flames after that - He is love is all consuming - no rage at God left after that but deep conviction that He truly is God and can take our worst times upon Himself and suffer it.

The focus on self is the issue for us depressed people - to focus on Jesus is the only reliable way to get away from that.

Once I understood how badly I grieved Jesus thinking the bad things I have - I love Him more than ever - such is true love - such is what I missed the most in my agony while He was, is and will always be - closest by of all.

Seek His face dear. Seek His face and believe forgiven is forgiven also when you haven't forgiven yourself yet. His loving truth true comfort to be.

God's Peace and Love your way dear


Down In The Pit?

Beloved when your depression must rule as king
Keep you eyes peeled on The Truth of God's Love
Lies' despairing misery making those wicked cling
yet faith in Christ's loving truth rescues from above.

Awaiting Jesus in your darkest hour so sore and low.
Fighting of those ugly feelings and thoughts pounding
In The pit God's loving truth in faith will now surely grow
God's Kingdom Come - no misery Good Life hounding.

 

[Migdala]

See, I've met two people who have lost their salvation-and that is SO terrifying! And yes, you CAN lose your salvation. One lady committed adultery one time and lost it-she no longer felt the Spirit in her, and she finally renounced Jesus. She's been trying hard to get Him back, but is unable. The other guy had a porn problem and deliberately sinned over and over, then tried to repent....and it was too late for him. Hearing stuff like that is terrifying!

 

[Jeshu]

See, I don't have the conviction of sins anymore. That terrifies me. I've said so many horrible things against God-I know I have grieved His Spirit horribly. I've occasionally fallen into deliberate sin when the pain of my situations has gotten too bad. I'm terrified that I have grieved Him so much by my words, thoughts, and actions that I have lost the Holy Spirit for good.

Please believe in God's Grace also over your sinful life

Grace.

Grace is not a feeling or a thought,
Neither can it be sold or bought.

It cannot be swallowed like a pill,
Or cheaply ease some inner ill.

Grace does not enforce any demand,
Nor is anything personal banned.

Rather it is God's healing hand of Love,
His compassion descending from above,
Lifting us gently out of our inner pain,
So we can safely be ourselves again.

 

[madison1101]

Salvation cannot be lost by true believers. Just because a believer sins, does not mean they have lost the Holy Spirit. They have quenched the Spirit.

Feasting on God's Word, and meditating on HIS Truths fills the belieover with the Holy Spirit. Listening to the lies of the devil causes confusion, and quenches it.

If you must, sit with your Bible open to the Psalms and just read and reread them. Meditate and journal on them. David felt abandoned by God over and over during his flight from Saul. Yet, God proves Himself over and over again, and David sings HIS praises in each Psalm.

I journal on scripture regularly. I write letters to God about them, asking Him to clarify them in my heart.

Feelings are not facts. Scripture is.

Trish

 

[SinkingShip]

See, I've met two people who have lost their salvation-and that is SO terrifying! And yes, you CAN lose your salvation. One lady committed adultery one time and lost it-she no longer felt the Spirit in her, and she finally renounced Jesus. She's been trying hard to get Him back, but is unable. The other guy had a porn problem and deliberately sinned over and over, then tried to repent....and it was too late for him. Hearing stuff like that is terrifying!

Sinning has nothing to do with losing God's Grace. Grace is a free gift offered by God, and the whole point of Jesus dying was so that our sins (all of them: past, present and future) would be forever forgiven. Jesus wanted to give people an invitation that would remain valid regardless of how much or how often people messed up. If sinning, once, repeatedly, or whatever has any impact on salvation, then Heaven is an empty and barren place, because not even the apostles and prophets could meet those standards.

Regarding trying to feel God: I'm going to use the first part of the puzzle I'm still putting together regarding my relationship with God: There's a poem called "Footprints" that addresses that issue. Maybe the times when we can't feel God are the times our spirits have been "knocked unconscious" by all the conflict and he's carrying us along.

 

[Jeshu]

Bye Bye Old

I might as well die.
No perfection in my deeds,
Just agonising suffering,
What benefit to make it longer?
I might as well abscond,
my so called responsibility.
I'm just a bondsman,
A slave to my physical reality,
Stuck with forces that only want,
Forcing much hate on me,
Bringing me untold misery,
Raping me all day long!
It hurts to stay around,
Why not simply say goodbye,
Move on along the rippling tide,
Forgetting what is down here,
Finding new horizons appearing,
Instead of open warfare!
Why am I still fighting on?
Surely The Battle has been won,
Loving Truth is victorious,
Also over my life,
And that's all that matters,
In The End.
Bye bye old
I'll Dress in New


It is leaving our hurting life and seeking a new one that frees us from the grip of depression.


I found that when we digest our suffering for too many years then suffer is internalised and very hard to escape.

To rebuild our reality in God's loving truth is the way out though. Jesus took me from my suicidal depression 4 years ago and has taken me here. A person who still has untreatable depression but stays on top of the suffering and is learning to do good with the pain instead bringing more bad alive with it as it had always been before that.

To lay down our hurting life - time and again - and give it to Jesus asking for Good Life back and letting it grow - bit by bit until our Bad Life is down the drain is the Way to do it.

Be greatly encouraged.



An invitation to The Chosen.

God's Love will not take or will
you to conform to rules or demand
which imprison, enslave, burn or kill you.

God's Love will not pervert what's good
or otherwise love other then The Truth always said
True Love was, is and always will be Good!

In God's Love you are free to be right!
For in His love everything is good proper and kind
He loves all who love good and true to rule!

His Love is caring, providing, and sharing.
His Love always enjoys and protects good life.
His love rules even when bad life has being in us!

Hear Jesus call - Come join up with us all!
Leave whatever ties you down and be free
and love good life with all God's own.

To the rest in your heart God's asks
how long will you tarry in the darkness?
Please leave such bad existence within.

For life must not, no never should, or would, or could,
be forceful, rude, prideful, arrogant, selfish, lustful
or otherwise be untrue to God's loving truth.

Neither should life be hurting or ill,
hungry, oppressed, despised, hated
or otherwise have existence in wrong.

The Church knows that Jesus is coming soon
All bad life will be our shameful past then,
so please leave your bad life while you can!

Love

 

[SeraphimsCherub]

Holy Spirit...i pray that You Will Actuate the Almighty Power of Your Word, and Blood in this Your child's life! Thank You Holy Spirit for Slaying all her enemies in the spiritual realm,and nailing them all to the cross of Christ Jesus her OmniPotent Saviour!!! i also pray Holy Spirit that You will heal her bi-polar symptoms in this physical realm Christ Jesus , Amen! i also suffer from bi-polar,and know how it can make a person feel! i pray Holy Spirit that You Will bless her with the patience to meditate upon Your Word,and that You would through Jesus-her-Christ, do a holy Operation in her, and outside of her All the Faith by You-in-her , that she needs day-by-day,one day at-a time to believe according to these Scriptures right here-in Christ Jesus:


Deuteronomy 33:27 (KJV) The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them. Thank You Jesus!!!

Psalms 91:1-16 (KJV) Ps 1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. 2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. 3 Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. 4 He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. 5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; 6 Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. 7 A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. 8 Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. 9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; 10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. 11 For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. 12 They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. 13 Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. 14 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. 15 He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation. Thank You Jesus!


Isaiah 54:17 (KJV) No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD. Thank You Jesus!


Zechariah 4:6 (KJV) Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts. Thank You Jesus!

Romans 8:26-27 (KJV) Ro 26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Thank You Jesus!


Ephesians 6:17-18 (KJV) Eph 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; ThankYou Jesus!

(*** 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ***) ThankYou Jesus-God The Father-&-Holy Spirit-In-ChrisJesus Name We Pray This Unto Magadala, Amen!!!


SeraphimsCherub,
GOD Bless You

 

[Migdala]

Salvation cannot be lost by true believers. Just because a believer sins, does not mean they have lost the Holy Spirit. They have quenched the Spirit.

Feasting on God's Word, and meditating on HIS Truths fills the belieover with the Holy Spirit. Listening to the lies of the devil causes confusion, and quenches it.

If you must, sit with your Bible open to the Psalms and just read and reread them. Meditate and journal on them. David felt abandoned by God over and over during his flight from Saul. Yet, God proves Himself over and over again, and David sings HIS praises in each Psalm.

I journal on scripture regularly. I write letters to God about them, asking Him to clarify them in my heart.

Feelings are not facts. Scripture is.

Trish

Thank you! That is very good advice!