hate being bi

[americianhardcorechristian]

please be kind
i have been trying to be a pure vessel for the Lord but lately i have noticed that guys look cute and i tried to shake it off as a phase, but it kept building and now its out of controal. i knew i was losing controal when i looked at gay porn. i think it might have something to do with childhood sexualabuse by a male cousion and i hate it so much because everytime i see myself doing these things i remember all that i went through and it hurts even more.
i would still take a girl over a guy, but im fighting nature here, help me!
how does one stop being bi?

 

[AdamCashmere]

God loves you, however, if you feel you can't control yourself, it is better to marry or be celibate or divert yourself.

If you like gay porn, replace gay porn with The bible and pray each time lust creeps over you. That is the best way to do it.

~Eat nuts and sing a lot!~

 

[Alexander Nissi]

God Does love you and wants the best for you I'll be praying for you. As AdamCashmere said If you like gay porn replace it with the bible. Prayer and reading the bible are 2 of the strongest tools you can use against these feelingsGod bless you.~Alexander Nissi

 

[melville125]

Hey man!

I am wondering whether you have good, close friendships with other guys (and whether you had strong male role models growing up)?

I didn't and it has taken me years to realise that it was my longing for emotional intimacy and a sense of brotherhood which led to sexualising my feelings for other guys. Yes it led to looking at gay porn for me too. Last summer, I began dealing with all this stuff properly for the first time (I have been a Christian for 20 years). Now I have been free from porn and masturbation for 11 weeks and at last I can see clearly the lies the enemy has been using to keep me trapped.

I nervously shared about my sexual attractions with an accountability partner and discovered that he too feels he would have been bi if he hadn't become a Christian. More guys go through this than you might think.

Have my same-sex attractions gone away? No not completely, but now I know what they are, it's like God has transformed my thinking. I know that I'm looking for good healthy friendships, not anything sexual.

Hope this helps, mate!

 

[haya]

I'm sorry to hear that you were sexually abused by your cousin when you were young.
Have you heard of Exodus International? I read a book of theirs a few years ago called "Portraits of Freedom" which mentioned that sometimes childhood abuse is an influence in homosexuality.

I pray that God gives you the strength to trust in Him completely and to walk away from porn, even though it's difficult. God bless you!!!

 

[americianhardcorechristian]

Hey man!

I am wondering whether you have good, close friendships with other guys (and whether you had strong male role models growing up)?

I didn't and it has taken me years to realise that it was my longing for emotional intimacy and a sense of brotherhood which led to sexualising my feelings for other guys. Yes it led to looking at gay porn for me too. Last summer, I began dealing with all this stuff properly for the first time (I have been a Christian for 20 years). Now I have been free from porn and masturbation for 11 weeks and at last I can see clearly the lies the enemy has been using to keep me trapped.

I nervously shared about my sexual attractions with an accountability partner and discovered that he too feels he would have been bi if he hadn't become a Christian. More guys go through this than you might think.

Have my same-sex attractions gone away? No not completely, but now I know what they are, it's like God has transformed my thinking. I know that I'm looking for good healthy friendships, not anything sexual.

Hope this helps, mate!

thank you alex and adem.
i do have close friendships with other guys, one of my friends i had a crush on. as for role models, no, dad left when i was 3, and since then it was either no male role models or physically abusive step dads. so ya i guess i lack many male role models.
but how do i stop being bi...entirely?

 

[worshipleader2b]

Hi

I'm sorry to hear of your sad upbringing. My advice is that you tell somebody. A trustworthy Christian male - youth leader at church? If not your pastor, or someone secure in their sexuality. He can pray for you and keep you accountable.

These feelings will not go away straight away, but as said before God is the way to go. Pray that He'd take away the pain and scars of being sexually abused when you were younger, and that He would make you holy with His Refiner's Fire. Although you want to be free from these feelings, your aim must be purity and holiness, not heterosexuality.

Have a read of my testimony - http://www.christianforums.com/t3342484-my-story.html - telling somebody about my struggles was/is one of the best things I have ever done, it made me feel so much better. God bless you...

 

[BelindaP]

I don't know if you ever get over being bi completely. A person's natural sexuality lies on a continuum, with most people at one end or the other. Some people land more in the middle.

There is one salvation in being bi, and that is that you get to choose, unlike somebody who is biologically gay. I made my decision for heterosexuality and turned my back on anything else. Once you find an appropriate mate, the struggle becomes much easier, as you have an appropriate person to focus upon.

The longer you suppress the inappropriate feelings, the easier it becomes. However, just like alcoholism, giving in even once wrecks the whole deal, and you have to start over again.

The Devil knows what your weakness is, and is tempting you mercilessly. You can actually rebuke him in Jesus' name each time you start having the thoughts. He will leave you alone for a little while. After a while he will move on to easier targets.

 

[Akathist]

I wonder if maybe you might consider getting some counseling with a Christian counselor about that past abuse.

There is some really false beliefs (imo) that being abused by the same gender as a child will make someone lean away from heterosexuality. The fact is that studies repeatedly show that is not true. However, there are many incidents that I know of where someone assumed (falsely) that the abuse meant they were at least partially homosexual and therefore based on the false belief they began to experiment etc. I think it is possible to convince yourself that you are sexually attracted to a certain category by using self arousal when being exposed to that category.

I don't believe you will always have an attraction to the same gender if you work at reducing your arousal to things. The first step is to stop looking at any porn at all. The next step is to work on your thinking. If you say "but because of my male cousin doing what I did I must be like that" say "no! that is not true!"

(Just as it is not true that because you were sexually abused as a child it means you will sexually abuse a child yourself, because a male did something that appears sexual to you does not mean your sexuality was damaged or effected permenantly. Remember that sexual abuse is not usually at all about sexuality but about controlling and dominating another to get some kind of immediate pleasure or arousal.)

 

[melville125]

I don't know if you ever get over being bi completely. A person's natural sexuality lies on a continuum, with most people at one end or the other. Some people land more in the middle.

I don't believe you will always have an attraction to the same gender if you work at reducing your arousal to things. The first step is to stop looking at any porn at all.

Although these posts seem to contradict each other, I think there's truth in both of them. While you probably do fit somewhere on that continuum, you can move yourself more towards the hetero end by not 'feeding' the same-sex thoughts by looking at gay porn etc. (I guess that's where I'm at too.)

What I'm saying in other words is that by exercising YOUR CHOICE not to act out as gay, even though these thoughts may still pop up, you can essentially define yourself as straight. (I am convinced that most guys who say they are completely straight have entertained gay thoughts from time to time - and remember temptation doesn't equal sin. Jesus was tempted in every way.)

 

[BelindaP]

A very good post. I do believe that for most people, movement along the continuum is possible. For the few that it isn't, it is their cross to bear, unfortunately. Everybody has at least one, it seems. Keeps us humble.

 

[americianhardcorechristian]

sorry for not posting sooner I got a bit sad after posting this thread.

I guess i should just try to walk the straight and norrow and not question why things "just are" so much...and avoid the urge to sin. thanks for your support.