Has it all gone?

[alive2Christ]

I had been confident of my salvation recently but it has gone now.
I repented and next morning,number one and five happened.The others
happend some days after.
1.Swearing
2.Forgiving childhood bullys
3.50 years of bitterness against the bullying is gone
4.Had the desire for Christ to be Lord of my life and decided he is.
5.Porn addiction gone and ability to resist lust, strong.
6.Asked the Lord to take away sexual fantasies and he did (even twice
after I slipped up and it went away again)
7.Asked for a desire to read the bible (I have for a long time, been
scared to read because of feeling I was lost and that it was dry.) Got a
desire to read and my signature line in blue,below is the result of feeling
I had the Lord's spirit.As a result I felt that I not only understood its
meaning,but that it was true of me.
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My trouble now is I have let a fantasy situation in but now even after
repentance and asking for it to be taken away,my prayer hasn't been
answered.It's still there.I know it's stupid of me to have let it in,but it is
not the only thing that has gone wrong.
My desire to read the bible didn't last long.Although I can pick it up,It is
bland and I don't feel the confidence of it to be as true about me as I
did.So now reading the bible is more like a chore even though I asked
for the desire to increase.The parable of the sower always filled me with
fear but when I was confident of being in the spirit,I lost that fear but it
has returned.
I feel as if everything has gone.I mean the joy of making Christ the Lord
of my life and when it was there,I had a desire to sell a musical
instrument for hundreds of pounds and give it to the bible society and it
filled me with joy although I had difficulty selling it and still have it, but
that joy has gone.The temptation to lust is stronger again when before,if
a half naked woman appeared on telly,the switching over or off was
automatic.
I don't feel that I am crucified with Christ now.
My biggest fear is that I was never saved at all and that I have had a
false conversion.I have this fear that (now this may sound rediculous) it
may be possible that the devil can hear my prayer and if I have not to be
saved he can evesdrop on my prayer and deceive me into thinking God
has answered the prayer but that he (the devil) has simply taken away
the chains he gave me in the first place just to trick me into thinking I'm
saved.
I have tried to hang on to the fact that I decided that Christ was the Lord
of my life but that has gone or is very hard to see.I had,with joy, put a
picture on my wall that reads
CHRIST IS THE HEAD
OF THIS HOUSE
THE UNSEEN GUEST
AT EVERY MEAL
THE SILENT LISTENER
OF EVERY CONVERSATION
but I almost took it down and binned it.
This morning I was like a spoilt child thinking stupid thoughts like "that's
it I've had enough of the mind games.I give up once and for all"
Then I thought how stupid that was.I'm tired of feeling saved then
not,then saved then not.I want to be sure and I really thought this time I
would be sure of it for good.it started the beginning of April so I've had
three months of salvation,great.

 

[Leonfrost]

It's not gone. You're still saved. Even saved, we all struggle. The experience you described of all your problems vanishing at first is actually quite typical. We feel zealous, and that zeal temporarily makes us unaware. It returns.

But what's important is that you realize, that all the sins you listed off are already forgiven! Christ is working in you to help you. It's never instantaneous; it's a process. Backsliding is a normal thing too. Just as long as you keep trying. Which it certainly sounds like you are. So I wouldn't worry

 

[paul1149]

My first pastor had a ditty he always used to quote:

Feelings come and feelings go,
But feelings are deceiving.
I'll put my trust in the word of God,
None else is worth believing.​

I don’t blame you for becoming tired of the yo-yo ride. Our salvation is not based on so flimsy a foundation, but on the sure foundation of the precious Blood that was sacrificed on our behalf.

But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim);
because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.
For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” -Rom 10:8-11
​

The verbs there are in the aorist tense, meaning a point action. If you have made the sincere Good Confession of Romans 10:9-10, you are saved. Any ebb and flow of emotions beyond that doesn’t mean anything in itself, but it does have the power to distract and discourage, and to derail your fruitfulness in Christ.

The answer is to look away from yourself, to Christ. We have no power to save ourselves. It is all of Christ. If we begin to focus on ourselves, we are stuck in the Romans 7 dynamic of "the good I want to do, I do not; the bad I want to avoid, I do". The answer lies in Romans 8:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.
For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh,
in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. -Rom 8:1-4
​

The sooner you decide that all the emotional static is a waste of time, and that God is faithful and His Word is reliable, the better for you. When Bible reading becomes dry and boring, that means it is time for prayer. The Lord never meant for His word to be an exercise of intellect, so much as of spirit. It's time to awaken that spirit by communing with your heavenly Father. That's what prayer is for. Go to Him and be honest and sincere about where you are, but also think about His characteristics and abilities. That will translate you into the heavenly realm where your faith will be strengthened.

The story is told of Martin Luther late in life being visited by a demon while he was working one night. He looked up from his study, saw the demon, and said, "oh, it's you", and then looked back and continued studying. We're always going to have opposition here on Earth. Don’t let it discourage you. Keep moving forward in Christ.

 

[fuji]

Wow, proud of you for number 3.

My mother hates my real father and she has been living in bitterness for about 20 years now. It is very hard for some people to let go, glad you were able to with Gods help.

 

[Emmy]

Dear Alive 2Christ. Jesus gave us good advice to overcome all doubt and disinterest. 1) Love God with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. 2) Love our neighbour as ourselves. That might not be easy, but can be done. Ask Jesus for His Love and Joy, and ask the Holy Spirit to empower you to share all Love and Joy with all you know and all you meet. Be kind and friendly to all around you, be helpful and a good neighbour. God will see your efforts, and God will approve and bless you. Keep this up for a while, and you will find that you change into a nicer person. You will enjoy life and feel like " born again," life will be worth living. People will like the
" NEW " you, and your Love for God, and for your neighbour will turn you into the son, God wants you to be.
God is Love, Jesus died out of Love for God and for Mankind, and God wants loving children/sons and daughters. We live in an imperfect world, and our Love and Compassion will help to change it all to what God wants from us.
Nothing has gone, it is all waiting to be picked up and given new life. To trust and obey is the very best way. I say this with love, Alive2Christ.
Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[alive2Christ]

Wow, proud of you for number 3.

My mother hates my real father and she has been living in bitterness for about 20 years now. It is very hard for some people to let go, glad you were able to with Gods help.

It was impossible for me.I know that for certain! I used to rant and rave to anyone in earshot.I even used to say the whole country was guilty in some measure and should be wiped out.I called it 'justifiable genocide' how mad is that!
It has tried to resurface but it has stayed away I'm glad to say.
Feeling free from the burden of those sins is fantastic and it would be amazing to be free of all sin and the temptation of them.That would be worth having in heaven even if I had nothing else I'd be happy to live in a shed as long as I had no sin.
Perhaps the Lord is chastising me a little.If I were sure he was,I'd be content because of ;New International Version (©1984)
Hebrews 12:6
because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

 

[alive2Christ]

I just found the following after a thought came into my mind that perhaps the Lord is hiding his face:
http://sermons.pastorlife.com/members/UploadedSermons/sermon_2101.pdf
I've still to read it all but so far it sounds encouraging as I recently asked for stronger faith (knowing that the experiences described in John Newton's poem below could be the result)

I asked the Lord that I might grow
in faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.

’Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answered prayer!
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.

I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request;
And by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.

Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in every part.

Yea more, with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.

Lord, why is this, I trembling cried,
Wilt thou pursue thy worm to death?

“’Tis in this way, the Lord replied,
I answer prayer for grace and faith.
These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.”

 

[LilLamb219]

Don't base your salvation upon YOU.

Christ is your salvation. When in doubt, always look to HIM and the cross where He died in your place for all those sins.

 

[Pal Handy]

No one is perfect and all need a savior.

No one who accepts Christ become perfect in themselves.

God imparts Christ's right standing before Him to us by faith.

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith,
and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God,

Grace through faith....the GIFT of God...

Unmerited favor, blessing, forgiveness, salvation and eternal life
GIVEN BY GOD to those who believe Him and take Him at His
word and trust in His way and not our way of saving ourselves by
being good enough to earn the gift that God has already given.

Can you earn a GIFT? No...a gift is something given, not earned.

The fact that you see your sin and want to be rid of it proves that God is at
work in your life and that if you will not lose faith and if you will continue
in His way, He will help you to grow and overcome those things in
your life that drive you away from His love.

God loves you and that is settle in Christ.

God has settled the sin problem on His end.

What is left then on our end?

Learning to walk in the love that God has expressed
to us in Christ and relying on God's grace mercy and strength
that He offers us to improve this walk of love with God in this life.

When someone loves you and you receive that love does that relationship cause
you to take advantage and get all you can for yourself at the expense of the one who loves you?

If you have God's spirit within you, you will not use the love of others
and pervert it in such a way to gain what you desire at the expense
of the one who loves you.

So it is with your relationship with God in Christ.

As you begin to allow the love of God as expressed through Christ
into you life, you will begin to see how selfish you have been
toward the one who loves you, even when you have abuse that love.
You will become aware that you need a heart change and that
you want to please the one that loves you and not abuse them.

You realize that you want to love the one who loves you and do
whatever it is they desire of you to cause the relationship to
grow, mature, deepen and bloom into true love.

At this point in the relationship all you can do is receive the love of God
given to you in Christ and run back to that love each and every time
you fail and surrender your life and failures to the love
of God and ask Him to help you love Him as He loves you.

Christ is the key...

No one will ever find favor with God apart from Christ.
No one has the strength they need to overcome sin apart from Christ.

Surrender is the key to walking in love with God.

The devil will use your sins to drive you away from God but the truth
is that you need to run back to your Father and surrender to Him in Christ.

God never turns away from us.
God never rejects us.
God never stops loving us.

Only we can reject God by rejecting His love for us by believing and
declaring that we are unfit to be loved.
(devils favorite trick with new believers)
The devil mixes a partial truth with a lie to get us side tracked.

The truth is that we can never be good enough to deserve the love of God.
The rest of the truth is that God chooses to love us anyway...

God loves you always but hates the sin that keeps you from fully walking
in the wonderful love relationship He has for you with Himself.

Why does our sin prevent us from walking in to with God?
It is because we know that we are wrong and so we have no confidence
toward God as the devil will constantly remind us of our sins.

The only way to be free is to confess our sins and receive forgiveness
which is a life long process and never ends until we go home to be with the Lord.

Run....run back to the Lord and confess your faults and sins and He is
FAITHFUL and JUST (justified, has the legal right through Christ)
to forgive you of all sin and unrighteous behavior.

Receive the love.

Receive the love of God.

Let the love of God transform you and cause you to run back to
the only one who really and truly loves you and will never turn His back on you.

 

[CounselorForChrist]

You can get through it! Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect. We are flawed because of sin, even being saved we will still sin. Its why we are to "Try" and be as perfect as possible. But when you realize God will forgive you, strengthen you and love you forever. Then you accept the fact you are going to mess up at times!