Has anyone ever said hurtful things?

[Matthew19Fourteen]

Hello, I am new here and I find it wonderful there is a TTC section. My husband and I have been married for 4 years and I have PCOS and have not been able to have a baby. I have had 7 miscarriages, tried many treatments, and have decided to give it up to God. We have come to peace with it. I have a daughter, which he claims as his own and is adopting her.

However, I have recently had such anger in my heart for what my "Best Friend" said to my husband in front of me, and I do not know how to let her know she offend me so bad, I do not think I can even consider her my friend anymore, but an acquaintance. I wonder if any of you have gone through a somewhat similar situation, and if so....how do you get past it? I don't know how. Here is the scenario....

We were all talking about us trying to have a baby. She was over for dinner, she is a single mother and we try to include her in some things we do so she has some fellowship. She then looks at my husband and says "Don't worry, if ****** ever dies, I can give you a baby of your own."


I cut the dinner short, and I went to bed. I was FURIOUS and HURT. The problem is I own a daycare, and I care for her child, and if I do not, then she will lose her job, and much more. But I cannot be her friend anymore. What she said was hurtful, and I think I can forgive, but I cannot forget.

Please tell me I am not the only one who has gone through something like this. I probably am.

I hope not.
​

 

[LittleFoot]

Oh no I've definately had horrible things said to me. People always say things with out thinking. They have no idea what it is like to be in our shoes. You honestly have to remember that when you receive some comments. They don't mean to be hurtful and don't understand.

I don't understand what she meant by that comment. What type of person is in the ****** your daughter, husband or you or who?

I know it's hard but with a few comments I've just had to say. "No, all we really need is prayers thanks."

*hugz to you* and welcome. I'm sorry about your situation. I'll be praying.

 

[Matthew19Fourteen]

She was referring to me. If I were to die, she would give him a baby.

I know people are going to say things...I just wish it wasn't her. She meant a lot to me and I just can't get past it. I have a lot of praying to do.

 

[tiredwalker]

That is one of the most foul things I have ever heard. I am so sorry she said that about you. To be honest, you should call her on that one. She may have thought it was a light hearted comment, but she needs to know what an ugly, horrid thing that was. I'm so ticked for you. Hang it there.

 

[Assisi]

People say some stupid things sometimes...I think that people don't think before they speak.

Last year some friends of ours said they didn't think it was 'morally right' for us to have a baby because it would mean that I would be giving birth at the same time as they were hoping to set the date of their wedding (they wanted me to be a bridesmaid). That was hard to deal with, because although they didn't know, I was already pregnant when they said that. I went into massive 'protection mode' after that and found it very difficult to be friends with them for the longest time. I especially hardly ever spoke to them about the baby. The hardest part though, was that in our second trimester we found out that the baby died in my womb. So they get to have their wedding care free, and my child is no longer with us.

How do you get over it? I guess I can't really get over it. It was so very very hurtful, and then circumstances made it worse. But I am still friends with them (lol I'm a bridesmaid). I think that you can decide to forgive and force yourself to do it. Don't try to get over it too early. My friends could see that something was wrong between us and tried to make it up way before I was ready to...it didn't help. Be angry for a while, but try to work on your heart so that you can forgive. And I agree with tiredwalker, I would tell her that her comment was out of line.

 

[jenrenee]

That is really an awful thing to say! Even if she was just joking - that's something you shouldn't joke about - and yes, I think you should say something to her. Especcially if it is bothering you this much (it would bother me too, especcially being such good friends!)

I've had people say hurtful things, but I don't think they meant to. Like my pastor - he has a baby a few months old and he was joking and walked up to me and said do you want a baby? And pretended to want to give his away. I almost said - yes, I do! I know he was only joking - but when ttc, everything sounds different to me. I also called up my bro's ex - when she refused to let us write letters to his kids. We were arguing - and she said - well, if you are ever able to have kids, maybe you'll understand. I took it as kind of an insult - since she knew we were having trouble - but then again, it could just have been me overthinking things...

 

[chillybean]

Hugs to you! Thats a very very hurtful thing to say and I don't blame you one bit for your hurt and yuor reaction. Can I just encourage you though? The bible says that we must forgive from our heart... that we must forgive as Jesus forgave... and boy, did He ever forgive us a TON and look what He had to go through to do it! So whatever you have to do to forgive from your heart please do it. Talk to her.. work it out and as far as it depends on you, live at peace with her. If we don't forgive, we run the risk of not being forgiven. This is a true test of humility before God... remembering the seriousness of my own sins (Romans says the wages of my sin is death) and what it caused Jesus makes it easier to have mercy n others especially when they don't deserve it! I'll say a prayer for you.
chillybean

 

[sing4777]

I am horrified at the comment she made as a whole.
What kind of friend is going to say "I can give you a
baby of your own" to your husband? That is bent.
The suggestion itself is not funny at all even without
the fertility issues you have been dealing with.
I don't blame you for not wanting to continue in a
relationship with someone like that.
I am sorry that she hurt you so deeply and I would
encourage you to choose to forgive her but that
doesn't mean that you have to be in relationship with
her. I would let her know that what she said was
cruel and out of order and give her the chance to say
that she is sorry though.
People have said some stupid things to me and my
husband and I know how deep the pain can be.
All you can think is, "How cold and cruel can you be?"
Or, "you must be just a few french fries short of
a Happy Meal."
I wish that people would be more sensitive.
Hang in there - I'll be praying for you.

 

[nursemommysc]

That is a horrible thing to say! I can't even imagine how I would react to a friend (term used loosely) that said that! I think that you should definitely say something to her but I agree that you should wait until you simmer down and pray about how to approach it with her.

 

[tigercub]

I cut the dinner short, and I went to bed. I was FURIOUS and HURT. The problem is I own a daycare, and I care for her child, and if I do not, then she will lose her job, and much more. But I cannot be her friend anymore. What she said was hurtful, and I think I can forgive, but I cannot forget.

What an awful thing to happen . I doubt I could forget something like that either.

I guess your next move depends on whether or not you want to salvage your friendship with this woman.

Best wishes and big hugs

it could just have been me overthinking things...

Of course you did, we all do when it comes to TTC. The people we choose to inform of our difficulties in conceiving are aware of your issues and should act accordingly.

So don't apologize for how you feel and react to the words of thoughtless people.

 

[becstar77]

Okay, I am going to go out on a bit of a limb here.

Please understand I am NOT intending on taking away from what your friend said to you... It was a horrible thing to say and she should know that you are hurt.

However, it may be that you have more in common with your friend than you realise. I too am a single Mum, and I can appreciate what you have been trying to do for your friend by including her with your family.

The whole TTC thing is hard and painful to walk through, I supported a friend who had a hard time concieving her first baby. As much as I was honoured to be entrusted know their troubles and could help with emotional support and prayer - I found it extremely hard to support her at times when I was struggling with my own feelings of wanting another child....

If you like, even though I am single, I am TTC BUT I am not as far along in the process as the women who are married. It's hard having this desire for another child and NOT even being able to try!!

As I said I am not taking away from what your friend said - she needs to know how her comments hurt you. Although it doesn't excuse what someone has said, sometimes to have an understanding of why someone said something helps to ease your pain a little.

If you think that your friend may be struggling with feelings of wanting to be settled down and trying for a baby herself, perhaps that is a good way of approaching the subject with her?

 

[LittleFoot]

How about this...

My Sister-in-law (Dh's brother's wife) wrote this about me:

*lets see if it attached*

 

[Leanna]

 

[tigercub]

How about this...

My Sister-in-law (Dh's brother's wife) wrote this about me:

*lets see if it attached*

Ouch!

Simply heartless.

Your SIL obviously has nothing better to do