Harmless lying to advance things with a girl.

[athrun5]

"Unencumbered"? It's really on them if they feel encumbered. That's just a state of mind. I prefer to not get involved with those who feel so easily encumbered. It's only a burden if you make it that way. It's only a big deal, if you make it that way.

Labels are irrelevant. Getting tired of that platitude. Even that in unto itself is also a "label". Interesting, how even Christians think that the "D" word is a bad thing.

If someone cannot hang out with someone, one-on-one, I dunno, there's just something up there. I've "hung out" with plenty of women one-on-one and had a blast. But this fear of them somehow that one-on-one is more of a "date" thing than they would like. I dunno. Just call me old-fashioned. I'm a bit more direct. More black-and-white.

Not sure how people get it in their head that one-on-one vs. group outings. In my experience, it's kind of wishy-washy. I know some women the prefer the direct "Ask me out" approach. I actually invited a woman out to a group event, only because I would be in her area...she told me it would be kind of weird if it were not one-on-one...and I said, "You know something, you're right" and switched it up to my style of dating. I think I had this thought of the whole "don't have expectations" thing...trying to make a woman comfortable...but, I was going against my principles.

But...who am I to judge someone's dating-style...as it's really ALL about that. So on top of seeing if you're compatible, there's the other hurdle of trying to figure out if your dating styles align I suppose.

If I refuse to hang out with her, in a group setting. The buck stops there, and not even a first date occurs.

It make work for some people, not for others. Some people have their own style of dating. I'm too old to really have said woman dangle a carrot in front of me and remain forever in the friend zone. To get the, "You're great guy, but...I just don't see you in that way".

Women tend to be turned off by a guy that hangs out with a woman as a friend under the guise of him wanting more.

Interested people act interested. From what I'm reading from this woman, she's not interested.



That's a matter of opinion. But you're entitled to it.

I agree because as I said before i have no real experience dating and such. However I asked a bunch of people what they call dating and besides the kissing and anything else that may happen later on the beginning of dating really is just getting to know each other. So many girls these days say I just want to get to know each other and see where things go. I fail to see how thats not dating.

It's weird, because....she's not interested. Move on to someone who is. Don't waste your time.

Its not a waste of time because I have no other friends. I rather spend my friday nights with her then either alone playing video games or training in the dojo learning kickboxing and mma cage fighting.

 

[bèlla]

If someone cannot hang out with someone, one-on-one, I dunno, there's just something up there. I've "hung out" with plenty of women one-on-one and had a blast.

My response wasn’t predicated on group interaction. I’ve never done that. I believe intimacy is important and that’s best achieved one-on-one. But I’m older and more self-aware. I might feel differently at her age.

I know some women the prefer the direct "Ask me out" approach.

I did in the past but the Lord has led me to a different approach that’s immensely better.

But...who am I to judge someone's dating-style...as it's really ALL about that. So on top of seeing if you're compatible, there's the other hurdle of trying to figure out if your dating styles align I suppose.

Alignment is part of the picture but what’s most important is my willingness to set my wants and preferences aside for the other. Getting what I want doesn’t reveal if I’d die to self.

When you’re in the right company, it’s less about you and wholly related to the impact you have on one another. I’m less concerned about getting than what his presence compels me to give in return.

That requires compromise and an ability to step out of your comfort zone. It may mean your dating style falls along the wayside and you’re willing to accommodate her perspective instead.

If I value and esteem him. I wouldn’t allow minor differences to impede our interactions. If anything, my capacity to move beyond them is for that reason.

Few things are set in stone. If he’s worth it. I’ll bend.

~Bella

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I agree because as I said before i have no real experience dating and such. However I asked a bunch of people what they call dating and besides the kissing and anything else that may happen later on the beginning of dating really is just getting to know each other. So many girls these days say I just want to get to know each other and see where things go. I fail to see how thats not dating.


Its not a waste of time because I have no other friends. I rather spend my friday nights with her then either alone playing video games or training in the dojo learning kickboxing and mma cage fighting.

Hm, well, I guess that's the difference between you and me. You must be young. Those things sound like a blast! lol Of course, you're not alone when cage fighting are ya? YOu're beatin' that sparrin' partner to a pulp...yes? ;-)

 

[athrun5]

Hm, well, I guess that's the difference between you and me. You must be young. Those things sound like a blast! lol Of course, you're not alone when cage fighting are ya? YOu're beatin' that sparrin' partner to a pulp...yes? ;-)

we can only use about 25% power and if its certain girls you may have to lower that to 2%

 

[ThisIsMe123]

My response wasn’t predicated on group interaction. I’ve never done that. I believe intimacy is important and that’s best achieved one-on-one. But I’m older and more self-aware. I might feel differently at her age.



I did in the past but the Lord has led me to a different approach that’s immensely better.



Alignment is part of the picture but what’s most important is my willingness to set my wants and preferences aside for the other. Getting what I want doesn’t reveal if I’d die to self.

When you’re in the right company, it’s less about you and wholly related to the impact you have on one another. I’m less concerned about getting than what his presence compels me to give in return.

That requires compromise and an ability to step out of your comfort zone. It may mean your dating style falls along the wayside and you’re willing to accommodate her perspective instead.

If I value and esteem him. I wouldn’t allow minor differences to impede our interactions. If anything, my capacity to move beyond them is for that reason.

Few things are set in stone. If he’s worth it. I’ll bend.

~Bella

Honestly, Bella, I REALLY wish the organic thing would work for me. In fact, I do like how it does work out...but it rarely ever has.

The "hang out" approach is a young person's game.I'm in my mid-40s, and don't have time for that.

I think my 20s was my worst dating part of my life. When I did the "hang out' or tried to let things develop, over time...some other dude would swoop her from me as I was getting to know her.

Or when I would reveal my true feelings 5 or 6 months later, and would try to ask them out, they are taken aback and think "Um, oh...I didn't expect this...I really never thought of you in that way...you're a nice guy, and would make a great guy....for someone else". Gets old fter a while.

It would irritate me when friends educated me that these guys were doing it right. They were more of a "blank* or get off the pot.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

You know...this reminds me...I would sometimes see women's dating profiles where they contradict themselves simply by being ON the site.

One had recently said, "I am looking for friends at this point...but its nice to chat with nice guys"

So you are forced to ask them for clarification, "Okay, so you're looking for friends with benefits? Or are you looking for friendships...with men (because it says "seeking men" in their profile)...with the possibility for more?