Hardly Fighting

[litbylove]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 months now, and ive known him and been very close with him for a year before we started dating. So far our relationship has been awesome, we love each other so much and feel so blessed to have each other in our lives, i dont know what i'd do without him.

So far everything has been pretty much 'easy' in our relationship. There were several talks we had to have, a few things sacrificed in to keep each other happy,but all in all we've not had any significant difficulties.(im a pretty easy going person too) And in our year and a half now of knowing each other, i think we only ever had a serious confilict come up maybe twice or so.

Are we still in the early honeymoon stages in our relationship and so thats why its been so smooth? I'm just wondering if i should expect things to get harder and more difficult. I know there will be hard times and trails in our lives as we grow and things happen, but i come from a pretty broken family and somewhere inside of me im a little scared...

 

[mina]

when my husband and I were dating, we did not have any fights.......We disagreed about things at times and had one episode of miscommunication but we never fought. We are both easy going and we communicate really well with one another. I don't think fighting or not fighting is anything to judge your relationship on; but rather how well do you communicate and especially communicate through dis agreements. Even now, my husband and I don't really fight....I'm sure there will be things that we face in life that will require patience, understanding, and will maybe even result in a fight or so but we are both solidly for good communication and working through things. Dating him - the relationship was easy and being married to him is easy. I think that as long as you are aware of your roots (even if it's from a broken home) then the more control you have over yourself for your future. Learn from the relationships around you- even the broken ones- absorb the good you see and consider the bad. Learn how to communicate effectively with your b/f. I wouldn't say that an easy dating relationship means that it's a sign of difficulty ahead or that there is something wrong. Talk with your b/f about it also.

 

[Melethiel]

We didn't have our first real fight until we got engaged (about a year and a half after we started dating)...wedding planning is stressful. Like mina said though, it's all about communication, and, if you do fight, how you deal with it.

 

[Thunder Peel]

Disagreements will happen: it's simply inevitable. Every relationship will have them at some point but letting them escalate into fights or huge arguments is up to both of you. If you both communicate and are willing to listen to each other then you'll be able to handle any problems before they blow up into huge fights.

Some couples fight constantly and others rarely do. It's different with everyone but just know that times of disagreements and conflict will arise; it's how you both control yourselves and handle it that matters.

 

[LinkH]

My wife and I didn't have any real quarrels that I can recall off the top of my head until we had been married a couple of years. A few times, she got irritable or a bit of an attitude when we were dating or early in marriage, but she apologized about that.

Some people say don't get married until you have your first fight. I know why they say that. You want to know if the other person has self-restraint when arguing and all that. If they throw plates and turn over tables, that may be a deal-breaker for some people. It's not just the extremes, but you might be able to tell if the other person yells or treats you with disrespect. But I don't think you have to have a real fight before marriage. You can see how your spousal candidate reacts to stress in conflict with people other than yourself, too. And the restraint shown during dating is necessarily indicative of the restraint shown during marriage. Some people put on a really good show for dating, but relax way too much after marriage.

It would be wrong to goad one's love interest into a fight just to see how they react.

The ironic thing is that there is all that much more reason not to quarrel after marriage. If a man is dating/courting, he has to treat his girlfriend according to 'love your neighbor as you love yourself.' But after marriage, he takes on the obligation to love his wife as Christ love sthe church. So a number of things done in quarrels aren't usually compatable with that kind of loving. Yelling at your wife, calling her names, and saying bad things about her mother aren't usually loving things to do.

A girlfriend has to follow the commandment to love her neighbor as she loves herself in regard to her boyfriend. When she marries, she has to submit to her husband in all things and treat him with reverence/respect. So she isn't supposed to yell at him, call him names, nag him, boss him around, etc. Proverbs also has a lot of warnings against the quarrelsome wife, so it is important that a wife not quarrel with her husband.

If you and your boyfriend have never quarreled and you end up getting married, you can both commit to try to maintain a high level of self-control and never get into a habit of arguing or fighting. It's quite possible not to face a lot of situations that tempt you to quarrel during dating. The stress of life that can happen during preparing for a wedding, moving, visiting in-laws, pregnancy, childbirth, going for weeks with little sleep while caring for the baby, childcare, etc. can create situations where you are tempted to quarrel instead of calmly and lovingly discussing issues. We are human beings and we can mess up. But you can both resolve never to quarrel. If one of you says something harshly, and the other person points it out, the one who says it apologizes. You can make that a habit and it can help prevent quarreling. If someone makes a mistake, apologize, forgive and move on.