Happily Married?

[Tropical Wilds]

I’m going to ask a question that sounds kind of conceited and smug on the assumption that, having been a member here for close to 20 years, you know that’s not the time I’m trying to strike... I’m genuinely asking a question I’m honestly curious about.

For those who see this as an insult or a slap because they don’t have this particular “problem,” again, that’s truly and genuinely not my intent at all.

So my question is for those of you who would define yourself as happily married with relatively no issues to speak of in your marriage beyond the typical small things that come and go, do you find it... I don’t know... Awkward? Maybe awkward isn’t the right word... Weird maybe?

I’ve just had a few situations in the last week or two where being happily married made me feel kind of like a weirdo. Wondering if I’m alone on this one...

 

[faroukfarouk]

I’m going to ask a question that sounds kind of conceited and smug on the assumption that, having been a member here for close to 20 years, you know that’s not the time I’m trying to strike... I’m genuinely asking a question I’m honestly curious about.

For those who see this as an insult or a slap because they don’t have this particular “problem,” again, that’s truly and genuinely not my intent at all.

So my question is for those of you who would define yourself as happily married with relatively no issues to speak of in your marriage beyond the typical small things that come and go, do you find it... I don’t know... Awkward? Maybe awkward isn’t the right word... Weird maybe?

I’ve just had a few situations in the last week or two where being happily married made me feel kind of like a weirdo. Wondering if I’m alone on this one...

Not sure I understand the question; you mean, not being married any more is somehow a Christian option? Maybe I've misunderstood completely...

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Not debating the choice to get married or not vs long term unmarried relationships...

More like, you’re married and with other married people, but you’re the only one there who’s happily married/coupled. The rest are unhappily married/coupled or barely tolerating each other or in the process of divorcing/breaking up, etc.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Not debating the choice to get married or not vs long term unmarried relationships...

More like, you’re married and with other married people, but you’re the only one there who’s happily married/coupled. The rest are unhappily married/coupled or barely tolerating each other or in the process of divorcing/breaking up, etc.

Well, if by coupled you mean married and vigorous enough still, bedroom wise, there is a sense in which God has called married couples to peace. 1 Cor. 7.

 

[tulc]

been married since 1976, I love being married to Mrs.tulc.
tulc(more happy about it every day goes by)

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I honestly have no moral issue to people in long term, unmarried relationships, so the question includes anybody in any long term relationship/marriage, whatever.

Regardless, since you’re not getting the question, I’m just going to put you in the “no” column.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

been married since 1976, I love being married to Mrs.tulc.
tulc(more happy about it every day goes by)

But do you ever been made to feel weird or awkward to mention it or have somebody else notice it?

 

[*LILAC]

Yes, I've been in situations where there are women griping and complaining about their marriage whereas at the end of the day, it makes me grateful for my marriage and it is far from perfect. I guess those who gripe loudest are most miserable? Sometimes I do wonder if we're doing something wrong that we don't have alot to complain about quite like the gripers do.

So my question is for those of you who would define yourself as happily married with relatively no issues to speak of in your marriage beyond the typical small things that come and go, do you find it... I don’t know... Awkward? Maybe awkward isn’t the right word... Weird maybe?

 

[faroukfarouk]

I honestly have no moral issue to people in long term, unmarried relationships, so the question includes anybody in any long term relationship/marriage, whatever.

Regardless, since you’re not getting the question, I’m just going to put you in the “no” column.

Actually I'm overjoyed with my wife; so Yes, yes.

I do recognize that being married as opposed to living together is Scriptural.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Yes, I've been in situations where there are women griping and complaining about their marriage whereas at the end of the day, it makes me grateful for my marriage and it is far from perfect. I guess those who gripe loudest are most miserable? Sometimes I do wonder if we're doing something wrong that we don't have alot to complain about quite like the gripers do.

Ok, *this* is what I’m talking about.

We aren’t perfect either, but I have also found (and so has the other half) that it’s way easier to say “my marriage stinks” than say “no, my marriage is really happy.” Not that we do that, but we definitely both get the vibe it’s more acceptable to be unhappy than happy. Anybody who’s unhappy is everybody else, anybody who’s happy is a liar.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Actually I'm overjoyed with my wife; so Yes, yes.

I do recognize that being married as opposed to living together is Scriptural.

Super, though neither was my question.

 

[mina]

It can the norm for people in a group to down their spouses for humour or to alleviate tension or they just don't know how to act or there are actual deep problems . I consider myself happily married and we don't talk bad about each other in groups ever even if we were having problems . It doesn't make me feel weird . I guess it could if people kept saying something about it .

 

[snoochface]

I'm very happily married. We have our issues, and it's not perfect, but we are very happy with each other and hold tight during the problem times.

I've been with other married couples and I find it awkward to watch when they sometimes seem so incompatible or unhappy with each other that they can barely get through the evening together. I've also been in the awkward position of, for example, posting a picture of flowers my husband brought home for me, and being told to stop talking about how great my marriage is because it's making someone else feel bad about their marriage.

I don't feel like we're doing something wrong - we're just compatible. We have similar values, so we don't even consider splitting up if things get tough, we just know we are going to work through it until we get to the other side. We have similar senses of humor. We were friends first, and always are. There isn't anyone else we would rather spend our time with than each other. So when we have rocky patches, or even just day to day squabbles at annoyances, we don't let it fester and build up resentment - we love and respect each other enough to deal with it and love each other through it.

 

[*LILAC]

We also do everything together. I get the "how do you get your husband to go grocery shopping with you?" Um, he wants to. It's developed into a habit. Then they go on and on and gripe about what they don't do as a couple. It's literally the little things that count. Since I know being happy in a marriage seems to be a touchy topic, I don't flaunt it on facebook. I do, however, encourage the ones who do have it rough when their spouse does something nice for them and they post it, give them a little praise for it. Lord knows we need all the encouragements we can give and take!

 

[St_Worm2]

My wife and I will be happily married for 30 years this August. I've never found that fact to be awkward or weird in any situation/in any of the company we keep (family or friends, Christians or non-Christians). I believe it is a blessing and am very thankful for our marriage (and I am sad for the many who don't have a happy marriage).

Why would anyone think that there is something wrong with a long-term, happy marriage My parents divorced when I was 18. Theirs was an unhappy marriage to be sure, and I thought I would never marry (because their marriage was the only one I really knew much about, and I knew I didn't want the same thing for myself). When I became a Christian and was finally surrounded by many couples who were happily married however, I never thought it was weird, and I certainly wasn't mad or jealous. I was envious though and, as a result, began to think that marriage might not be such a bad thing after all

I guess I don't find what you are saying to be surprising however, because the Bible tells us plainly that Christians who even desire to live godly lives in Christ will be persecuted for doing so .. e.g. 2 Timothy 3:12, so if I ever do run into someone who thinks the long-term, happy marriage of someone else is anything but something to rejoice in, I'm sure I would not only feel sorry for them, I would pray for them too.

Yours and His,
David

 

[snoochface]

I've even heard people say (to and about me), "NO ONE is that happy together. They're trying too hard to make everyone believe they are, but they have to be hiding something."

 

[St_Worm2]

I've even heard people say (to and about me), "NO ONE is that happy together. They're trying too hard to make everyone believe they are, but they have to be hiding something."

I guess the old adage is really true, "misery loves company". How very sad

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Yeah people seem weirded out when you say you have a happy marriage. I am guessing because they assume happy means perfect. But anyone whos married knows perfect isn't a word for marriage since nothing is perfect. I find most people get annoyed because they don't understand how I can be poor and married to a woman from overseas yet have a "happy marriage" and yet they, who are both americans who both work have a unhappy marriage.

I'll admit, before I got married I always wondered if I'd ever be happily married since everyone seems so negative about being married. Maybe truly happy marriages are hard to come by? I've had a few people tell me my wife is an amazing woman whos a rare catch. So I am assuming thats why we are happily married.

I also imagine maybe its just an american culture thing. We can sometimes be a negative country, especially with recent issues over the last decade or two causing a divide. And with divorce being so common, I think some people have unhappy marriages because they set themselves up for failure by assuming it's going to end or not be happy. Or they see any tiny issue in their marriage and think its over.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I've even heard people say (to and about me), "NO ONE is that happy together. They're trying too hard to make everyone believe they are, but they have to be hiding something."

This. Amen. All the dang time. Non-stop.

Thank you. I’m feeling so, so much better asking this of the group. I was beginning to think I was insane.

 

[annafullofgrace]

My husband and I are very happily married. And yes. I get what you are saying, both of us have talked about this a few times actually...we have at times felt like we were odd or the weird ones, particularly at our previous church as well as with other couples we know. At our old church, most of the women my age outcasted me for this reason. Never made any sense to me, but all they wanted to do was stand around and gossip and talk badly about their husbands. Two women hen pecked me as much as they could. Even making side comments and memes on social media about certain people having a good perfect marriages. This came from a convo we were having one time, they were speaking horrible about their husbands and I always remain quiet in these situations and one of the women said, oh, you’re so quiet, your marriage can’t be a fairy tale, I’m sure your husband does things to tick you off. I just responded with, we work as a team and if I have an issue with him or he with me, we will only share that with each other. That I don’t believe in bad mouthing my spouse. They stopped talking to me after that and continued to gossip about me. Saying, no one is that happy or oh, it must be nice to have a perfect marriage, Several years later, I have seen through social media that one I saw now devicred and the other is on the verge of it.