hand flapping

[pattycakes67]

It is especially bad when eating (sensory issue?) and when excited about doing something.I want to re-direct her behaviour into something more socially "appropriate"...any suggestions?

 

[kayd1966]

how old is she?

 

[pattycakes67]

she is 3 1/2 years old.

 

[kayd1966]

she is young enough to extinct that behavior.

You will have to do it in small steps. I'm really tired right now so will write more in the morning.

God Bless...

 

[Darkhorse]

I would be interested in ideas too; my youngest does that also.

 

[Jem2911]

I still do that and I'm 18 - my problem is that it;s a subconcious action so I can't actually stop until I realise I'm flapping my hands - keep it in mind that your kids could be the same when you try and replace this with a more acceptable behaviour

 

[ian0317]

Why should she stop flapping her hands?

 

[xMinionX]

Socially inappropriate. I certainly wouldn't approach it the same way if it were a more serious behavior (aggression, property destruction), but it can't hurt if mom is able to find an alternative that is more socially appropriate. But I don't think it's something to worry much about.

 

[drifter5]

Why should she stop flapping her hands?

I was wondering what the problem is with the hand flapping ,too , please ? Your daughter may find it calms her alot, which surely is a positive thing ? Why should we feel that we have to keep to social stereotypes all the time, why can't we try and accept each other as individuals ?

 

[kayd1966]

Sorry...I totally forgot to get back to this thread.

Because your daughter is so young, she is young enough to forget the sensation she is getting from flapping.

My son used to pull string through his fingers while staring at them. We took away all string, laces, thread etc. The first week was hard on him but we made it through. The total extinction of that one lasted about 3 months then we slowly reintroduced string in the form of laces or string with a purpose like threading beads or cardboard sewing.

Extincting Hand flapping is more difficult but it can still be done. Firstly, I would replace the behavior with something that can be taken away a month or 3 or more later.

So...what sensation is she getting from the flapping? Is it the sound of her hands? Is it the breeze? Is it the sight of movement? Take the time to observe her and figure what it actually is. This could take a week or two.

If its the sound, find a toy that makes the same sound when squeezed, try to stay away from shaking, because its to close to the flapping movement.

If its the breeze, find something that will make the same feeling on her face...like the light touch of a feather or a really soft stuffed animal.

If its the sight of movement, look for something like a view finder or a kaleidoscope.

Have the item handy at first for her, as soon as she starts flapping, get her attention immediately and give her the alternative object and say something like "isn't this fun", "isn't this exciting","this sure is yummy". Make sure you have her attention and bring her out of the "buzz" stage. To extinct it, she will need to forget that sensation.

Also, please remember that it will get worse before it gets better. As you decrease her "buzz" time at the usual times, she'll start looking for it elsewhere. Once she has replaced the flapping with the alternate activity and the phrases, you start limiting the time she can have with the item so that the phrases replace the item. If the flapping returns, back up a step for awhile and then try again. Your goal is to be able to take the item away completely, not have the flapping return and have her using her words to express her excitement. Once everything is removed, the phrases you have been using are very important because she should be using them, now when she doesn't use the phrases, you can remind her how we show excitement.

My son still looks for movement sometimes but all we do is whisper "Look nice" and he's out of it. Other times, he'll tell me he doesn't want to look nice right now and I ask him why not, we end up talking about it, which still brings him out of it because he's not focusing on the sensation, he's focused on the conversation.

I hope this helps...I'm no expert...just a Mom walking the same road as many of you...

 

[willmrcd1]

My son is 13 1/2 years old and he doesn't flap his hands as much as he used to when he was a toddler, but he still does it. I noticed that the handflapping is something he does when he is excited and over stimulated. I do believe it calms him down. He doesn't do it when we are outside in front of others, but in the comfort of his home he does it.

I believe you can get your child to do appropriate behaviors, but other inappropriate behaviors may start to creep up as well.

 

[drifter5]

post deleted.

 

[uniquetadpole]

I was wondering what the problem is with the hand flapping ,too , please ? Your daughter may find it calms her alot, which surely is a positive thing ? Why should we feel that we have to keep to social stereotypes all the time, why can't we try and accept each other as individuals ?

I pondered this question for a while... and not being diagnosed for 34 years... and never being socially acceptable really... and in some ways not wanting to yet in other ways wanting to at least be able to connect to others...I feel a little bit torn about it... I see replies...that make it almost like training a dog (Please there is no put downs here intended, so please, please really read my intention with all of this...I see kids and adults as precious human beings and nothing more, nothing less). But after growing up without the help I needed and am now working at retraining myself with behaviors (and sometimes wishing I were the dog because it would be so much easier than doing it myself) not only that may be more socially acceptable, but also a better servant of God... I mean I can't change others but I can choose to change myself... and boy do I wish my parents had helped me learn some things when I was little because then it would have been loads easier on my self esteem than it is now. So yeah... I agree why should we change others just to fit in... when it should be about acceptance of differences... but parents can't change other people accepting their child... but if a parent can work with a child to teach them in a manner that is understood by the child to change a minor behavior while they are young... that is one less obstacle to overcome in later years... because the child will still have major obstacles like communication to wade through everyday. And if more people accept her on one level...then it may be easier for her and others to deal with the communication issues.

Now as for those that think the child forgets the need for sensory stimilation... I don't necessarily agree that is what happens... I will agree that the child might forget that particular behavior to gain that stimulation needed... but I doubt that solves the problem...the child will find another way to cope...although it may be even more invisible. How I survived my sensory issues without being discovered for so long... I learned to dissociate... and Now I have a dissociative disorder on top of the AS... which is better?... I can't answer that at this point... but unlearning dissociation, and learning new ways to cope after 36 years of dissociating... is a task to be undertaken for the next couple of years for me...if not longer. Because part of that behavioral training that you parents are going through now... is what I need...yet I am 36 and expected to do it for myself...yet I am unaware of when I do it...and until I can get someone to help me work on it... I will keep doing it...because I am not aware I am doing it most of the time.

And I am not after being socially acceptable... but I do want to have one or two friends at some point in my life...and if these behaviors keep me from doing just that then I need to be the one to make the changes... so parents I can't blame you for wanting to help your children and I am all for helping you as much as I can. But I hope you can see that perhaps your reasons for doing it could stand to be looked at with a different pair of glasses than with just wanting others to accept your child... whether it be so you feel accepted... or whatever the reason... I would hope that you would at least begin to think about it more like you want there to be less communication barriers for your child to make the friends that they want to make in their future. Because making friends will be hard enough with the way your Autistic/AS child thinks. If I were to have a child on the Spectrum... I would work very hard at helping them to unlearn the handflapping while still finding other ways to meet their needs. But not because I want them to be accepted...because I already know I accept them... but because I had so many barriers growing up... and if it would be easier to teach them more effective ways of meeting their needs at a younger age...then I would want to do just that for them. I use the term effective... because...some behaviors we learn meet our needs while at the same time compromise some of our other needs... and that is what our goal ought to be I think... to find behaviors that meet most of our needs and compromise the least of our needs... and sometimes... we simply need to be taught that in a way that each of us understands.

I sure hope this makes sense...and does not feel attacking to anyone... I do not want to open a can of worms as to the best ways to parent... each parent needs to decide that for themselves... but I hope that each parent will do the neccessary research to look at all options and choose the best ones for their individual child... because so far I have not found one method that works for every child on the spectrum because there are so many variances to be had on the spectrum.

Tad

 

[drifter5]

Thank you Tad for your post. I am also unaware when i am handflapping , most of the time, and so it is hard to stop on my own. However, i do not really see the need to stop. If someone does not accept me as i am , then i would say that they are not a real friend anyway. I would prefer to have a few close friends than many "fake" friends. It is different if my behaviour was damaging to myself or others. Handflapping does not harm anyone, and it calms me. As a Christian , i know that Jesus is my dearest friend, He loves me with unconditional love, and He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother ! I PRAISE THE LORD ! Therefore, if i had no other friends that would be ok. You see , even if i tried to hide every autistic behaviour, there would still be something different about me that others would not like. Each one of us is so precious to God , and He loves us JUST the same whether we have autism or not.( I have personaly heard God say this to my heart. ) It makes no difference to God , and He can still use us. PRAISE HIS NAME !

 

[nosemonkey]

my brother is 22 years old, almost 23, and he is developementally handicapped with autistic tendencies. He flaps his hands, jumps up and down, and makes noises, usually when he is excited about something. He also has an amazing memory and can recite the majority of the Disney movies he watches, word for word and sound effect for sound effect. With all that said, I used to be embarrassed when I would see him doing it at school and stuff, but he doesn't do it that much anymore and no one even blinks an eye when they see him. He holds a steady job at the University and is friends with everyone he sees. My husbands brother has Down's and flaps his hands all the time, and my dad, who is completely normal, flaps his hands when he gets really excited about something. I guess what I am butting my head in to the conversation to say is, are you trying to change the behavior for your benefit of your child's benefit. Granted, the majority of my examples are extremes, but I just want to make you think about the motivation behind fixing the flapping. If I seem like I'm overstepping my bounds, I apologize deeply and I have nothing but love for anyone.