Guys..?

[latteda]

It would totally depend on the circumstances and setting/environment that brought me together - alone - with that person. It would also depend on whether or not there was any level of physical attraction on either side.

I've been alone more than once for work related things with members of the opposite sex - both as a single (with a married) and a married (with a single) and it is entirely possible to maintain a professional, yet friendly, tone without crossing any ethical lines.

Socially, I typically don't get together with male friends - single or otherwise - unless there are other people involved. I just don't see a need for it.

Ditto.

I don't pay any attention to it when it's needed, or even at times if it's social. For instance, my fiance has a friend that he grew up with and she is single. She has been best friends with his sister since childhood and often travels through here on her way to his sisters. When she comes through she stops here for dinner to visit. I am always invited, but if I were unable to go and he could, I would have no problem with him going. Also, with my job there are times I have to be alone with a man for something. It's no big deal.

However, if it were a very regular thing that might be cause for concern. Or if there were an attraction there. If either one were wanting to hang out exclusively or depending on the other or sharing close, personal information when they were together then that would be an issue.

I am like flnativegirl in that I don't see a need to hang out one-on-one with the opposite sex socially on a regular basis. I think the spouse/fiance/serious boyfriend or girlfriend should be included, as well. My fiance and I had a mutual friend that put a condition on our friendship with her and said she would only hang around with either of us if the other one wasn't there. She wanted to do things alone with him and did not want me to be included. Needless to say that was not acceptable.

So, yes, it all depends on the circumstances.

 

[gzt]

Well, first I would note that there is a significant difference between being involved with somebody, being engaged, and being married. None of the three are really "fair game", as it were, but the last is totally and completely off limits in a way that the other two are not, and the last two are off limits in a way that the first one is not.

Anyway, what I would say here is that it's not a great idea to regularly see somebody of the opposite sex socially on a one-on-one basis if either of you has a reason not to become romantically involved with the other. It just wouldn't be kosher for me to carry on socially like that now that I am married, for instance. Not that I don't trust myself or my wife doesn't trust me, it just wouldn't be kosher for me to go hang out with some female friend of mine at a bar regularly. It wouldn't have been kosher while I was just dating my now-wife or when I was engaged to her. There are possible exceptions, but, generally, no.

 

[Tamara224]

Like everyone else has said, it totally depends on the circumstances. I'm alone with married men on a regular basis for work... I've spend several hours at a time in a vehicle with them and stayed in the next room at the hotel with them for work. There's no attraction there and I don't think of them "that way" and it's never been an issue.

With friends, I try to make sure that I am keeping the wife or girlfriend's feelings in mind and not appear to be doing anything that might cause her concern or anxiety. But I don't worry too much about it.

One example: I'm in the praise team at church and we do two services every Sunday morning. During the sermon in the early service me and the guitar/bass players go get coffee. It's usually three of us (sometimes four). But every once in a while one of the guys will be gone and it'll be just two of us. One of the guys is a young newlywed. He and I are pretty good friends - we are also co-coaches for basketball. But I think of him like a little brother and it doesn't concern me at all to be alone with him. I'm also friends with his wife. But I would be horrified if his wife ever got concerned about us spending time alone together - which we do very very rarely - and I would bend over backwards to not give that impression if I thought I needed to.

This scenario very seldom provokes the thought in either person, let alone leads to adultery. So, I wouldn't feel the need to restrain myself. Besides which, I wouldn't be interested in a woman who would be so disloyal to her husband. I consider such women the moral equivalent to a prostitute, or a woman who smokes a cigarette in public.

Did you just equate adultery and prostitution with smoking cigarettes?! Seriously? Or is that a joke?

 

[Labayu]

Did you just equate adultery and prostitution with smoking cigarettes?! Seriously? Or is that a joke?

Don't be silly. He equated it with women smoking in public

And to be be fair I've heard of Japanese businessmen who have come to London and seen women smoking outdoors in bad weather (because it's illegal to smoke in workplaces) and assumed they were prostitutes because thats the only reason women would smoke outside in their minds. So it could be cultural...

 

[K9_Trainer]

Well, first I would note that there is a significant difference between being involved with somebody, being engaged, and being married. None of the three are really "fair game", as it were, but the last is totally and completely off limits in a way that the other two are not, and the last two are off limits in a way that the first one is not.

I don't think its important or even relevant to make that distinction. If somebody is involved with somebody, be it dating exclusively, in a committed relationship, engaged or married, it would be disrespectful to them, and their significant other if you made a move. Period.

 

[ido]

I don't pay any attention to it when it's needed, or even at times if it's social. For instance, my fiance has a friend that he grew up with and she is single. She has been best friends with his sister since childhood and often travels through here on her way to his sisters. When she comes through she stops here for dinner to visit. I am always invited, but if I were unable to go and he could, I would have no problem with him going.

*nods* The key here being that the SO is being invited along. I have a very good guy friend who I used to hang out with when I was single. When my ex-husband and I started dating, he was automatically invited along if lunch plans or some other social event was planned. There were times he couldn't attend, but I went anyway b/c he knew my friend and knew our history well enough to know there was nothing even remotely going on there (the guy friend even jokingly refers to himself as my favorite sister lol).

 

[Tallerthanatree]

Consider this hypothetical situation. For whatever reason you're with a married/engaged/involved woman and you're single. Would you seek a way to involve another person in the environment to avoid all chances/temptations/etc., and if that weren't possible would you refuse to be in the same room alone with her?

No.

 

[gzt]

I don't think its important or even relevant to make that distinction. If somebody is involved with somebody, be it dating exclusively, in a committed relationship, engaged or married, it would be disrespectful to them, and their significant other if you made a move. Period.

Well, I bring it up in the context of perhaps the other party making a move or, in case of prolonged contact, mutual feelings developing. If the other party is married, this has much more severe ramifications. The other party is totally and completely off limits and no sort of failure in this regard is acceptable. If the other party is just dating somebody else, well, making a move isn't really kosher, but if they fall in love with you or something, it's not the end of the world. Blah blah disrespect blah blah blah. People jump ship all the time. If they're going to moralize jumping ship, they should've gotten a ring.

Dating is not marriage. Period. There's a world of difference. It's very important to remember the difference.

 

[Im_A]

Consider this hypothetical situation. For whatever reason you're with a married/engaged/involved woman and you're single. Would you seek a way to involve another person in the environment to avoid all chances/temptations/etc., and if that weren't possible would you refuse to be in the same room alone with her?

As having done this before, yes I would be alone in the room. Grant it, there were some variables that have to be addressed. One, I made a friend right after a busted engagement. Then the prior relationship/engagement got back together and I was emotionally disconnected from her for various of reasons so I found my emotion connection through my guy friend, work, golf and my female friend who happened to be married. The catch is, I normally never did that unless I was insecure about some aspect of my life. So pretty much, a desire for a friend, a common interest in things and selfishness and insecurity must be a part of it for me to do that which honestly, I've learned it takes A LOT for me to go and do that.

Yes I would also seek a way to involve another person in the environment. Not to save myself from chances/temptations/etc. because in my opinion, one should be strong enough to simply say, "No" and it isn't a huge to feat to say no in that circumstance. I would still add another person simply because, its great to be around people. It would also help take away the social implications of making a choice like that because that's an affect one cannot control wherein temptation sexually is all up to you and no one else in what you choose to do in that circumstance.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Oh, wow, sounds just a tad extreme

I should hope people will still hang out with me alone, even though I'm dating someone...

Remember the sleepover thread? Teenagers can't hang out overnight at church because they'll just break out into a you know what.