Guys, I really need some advice...

[SnowconeManTTU]

Hey guys! Some of yall probably remember me; some of you guys may not. Well, this weekend, my current situation was about to take a great twist.

Okay, here’s a recap. Last spring, I fell for a girl who has a really conservative background, and has never dated in her life. She is so strong in her stance in dating, she wont date until some guy has come along, etc.. Right now, she is focusing on school, instead of dating. Some of you guys may know this type.. Shoot, some of yall may even be this type.

On Saturday night, I was fixing my comp, and so I decided to fiddle with my Text Messaging. I text’d her and said, “I worry that you wont talk to me.” She replied saying “Can I call you?” A couple minutes later, she Text’d again and said “I just wanted to tell you that I believe that I have handled things wrong-.” I couldn’t talk, since I was already on the phone for tech support. “She then said I’ll try to call you tomorrow!”

I then emailed her and said “If your dating another guy, PLEASE tell me now! It’s happened before, and I can live through this.”

Yesterday, she called like right at 6 PM and we conversed. It was really a nice convo. She made it clear that she didn’t have a boyfriend (I was relieved!) and there’s not even anybody in her life like that. She told me that she somehow didn’t like Texting people, and was uncomfortable for all the TM’s I sent her. She apologized for not being up front about it. She said that she was worried that I was thinking that she was trying to be more than friends.. We then talked about things to do to hang out and stuff. She said “Right now, I’m focusing on school, and don’t feel ready for a relationship.” And then she said “One of these days, I don’t want you to get hurt if another guy does perhaps come along,” I then told her what I honestly felt in “I’ll be hurt a little bit, but as long as he makes you happy, than it’s good!” I was kind’ve wondering “Yeah, but how would she know if it’s him??” Other than that, it was a really good conversation, and it was much needed!

Guys, I really really like this girl, and I have feelings for her. What in the world do I need to do? I know I shouldn’t pursue her, but what should I do, and what should my mentality be?

Thanks!

Rew

 

[silentpoet]

Pray for God to provide a way and a time with her.

 

[SnowconeManTTU]

I will certainly be doing that. I just wondering if I should wait it out for her, if the time is ever right, or if I should open up my dating options? Any advice and insight would be helpful!

Cheers!

 

[InTheFlame]

I guess I'd say, try to be objective. Don't rule out friendships with other women. Look at them and how they interact with people, and think about what their good points are, what their bad points are, and how you might go spending the rest of your life with someone who has that particular belief of hers, or that particular habit of that girl there... I'm not saying to fall for anyone! - but just analyse their characters a bit, work out the good and bad, work out what would be important to you in marriage, and contemplate how different women would fit into your life. Then look at this original girl. See if she'd be better for you, objectively speaking, than the other women you know. Look at HER good and bad points... etc.

Know what I mean? Look, not with a 'who's interested in me?' kind of attitude, but a 'what sort of woman might be right for me?' attitude. Maybe date, but guard your heart and that of the woman if you do.

Hrmmm... this is a bit scattered (like my brain right now). Hope it helps.

 

[SirKenin]

I think she's made her position very, very clear to you. There's absolutely no doubt where she's coming from. She's not interested at all. That's it.. That's all.

Thus, your mentality should simply be this. Don't get any perceived notions that things are going to change. The chances of that happening are about one in 2.84 million, give or take a few. You should be of the mindset that a girl will come along with whom you will develop a mutual attraction. You should then seize the opportunity and pursue that avenue. Forget about this woman. If she comes along later, ok, fine. If you're with someone you can always be friends. But whatever you do, don't be foolish and miss a golden opportunity because you're hung up on someone who isn't interested.

 

[skinnybrad]

dude my advice

Dont harp on her being the one for you because you may well not have met her yet

Pray for your future wife (dont pray for this girl as your future wife) just pray that God is keeping her well and safe and keep praying that she keeps her eyes on God.

I know who my future wife is and i constantly pray to God keeping his hand over her and keeping himself real to her

 

[CtYankee]

dude my advice

Dont harp on her being the one for you because you may well not have met her yet

Pray for your future wife (dont pray for this girl as your future wife) just pray that God is keeping her well and safe and keep praying that she keeps her eyes on God.

I know who my future wife is and i constantly pray to God keeping his hand over her and keeping himself real to her

Very good advice. My advice is to take skinnybrad's advise. The current object of your affections has left the door open for others to walk through. She's asked you to wait on the porch while others may pass through the door. They will walk into the light. If it dims she intends to check the porch out again. Some one will have climbed the steps while she sets you aside once more. I suspect skinnybrad's vision of your future is a door to which only you will hold the key.

 

[churchgoer123]

I think she's made her position very, very clear to you. There's absolutely no doubt where she's coming from. She's not interested at all. That's it.. That's all.

Thus, your mentality should simply be this. Don't get any perceived notions that things are going to change. The chances of that happening are about one in 2.84 million, give or take a few. You should be of the mindset that a girl will come along with whom you will develop a mutual attraction. You should then seize the opportunity and pursue that avenue. Forget about this woman. If she comes along later, ok, fine. If you're with someone you can always be friends. But whatever you do, don't be foolish and miss a golden opportunity because you're hung up on someone who isn't interested.

NO, NOT TRUE.

there is this girl I started to fall in love with a few years back (i really liked her a lot.)

i never told her, and lost feelings for her completely.

then, coinsidently, she started to really like me. and became very obsessed with me. I was actually uncomfortable with her.

then last month, a little while after that happened, i fell for her again, AFTER FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE, uninterested

so don't always fall for "if she hates you now, she will always hate you" that may be true, but not by 2.84 million


if you really like her, give it some time. she said she isn't looking for a date. so take that time to pray about it, with the Lord's help in making decisions

my advice: noah's ark. completely start over.

go up to her, and actually tell her that you're sorry, you don't like her like that anymore, and you just wanna be friends. tell her you wanna go to church with her or something.

MAKE IT OBVIOUS THAT YOU AREN"T INTERESTED (you wouldn't be lying, cuz you really aren't interested at the time)... she will change her attitude, and treat you like a friend. try to become good friends w/ her, then let it grow from there.

but talk to her quick about it. or else she will make a "grudge" that will grow in her head that will dislike you.

i think we all can rationalize here and not jump to conc.

you know the sit. better than we do... sometimes the best advice is your own (ask God to help you)

OKAAAAAAAAAYY!!!!!!!! GET CRUNK!!!!!! (from a rap song)

 

[cowgirl chic]

Leave it to God. Pray about it and if god wants you together then i will happen. but dont get disapointed if it never does. God has someone for you and it may or maynot be her. i know this is hard but leave it to God. God bless and Good luck.

 

[SirKenin]

Can I ask you something? If you truly fall in love with someone, how can you lose feelings for them completely? That's a faux pas.

I can tell you from personal experience that when I have loved, and I have in fact loved, although I did not truly love my wife of ten years, the feelings have NEVER gone away. I still love and care about my ex's. I loved and cared about my pet very much. And I still do. I still help her in any way I can, provide for her, guide her, protect her. The feelings will never go away.

Anyways, she is telling you she's not interested in a polite way. Believe me.

 

[churchgoer123]

Can I ask you something? If you truly fall in love with someone, how can you lose feelings for them completely? That's a faux pas.

I can tell you from personal experience that when I have loved, and I have in fact loved, although I did not truly love my wife of ten years, the feelings have NEVER gone away. I still love and care about my ex's. I loved and cared about my pet very much. And I still do. I still help her in any way I can, provide for her, guide her, protect her. The feelings will never go away.

Anyways, she is telling you she's not interested in a polite way. Believe me.

yeah.. maybe she was saying that

but one can lose feelings, and not get them back. it can happen.

i can be addicted to meth, and become "attached to it." then i can get off of meth, and not want it ever again.

but then when i start to "get back on it", ill need it again

love is a chemical.

 

[InTheFlame]

Can I ask you something? If you truly fall in love with someone, how can you lose feelings for them completely? That's a faux pas.

I can tell you from personal experience that when I have loved, and I have in fact loved, although I did not truly love my wife of ten years, the feelings have NEVER gone away. I still love and care about my ex's. I loved and cared about my pet very much. And I still do. I still help her in any way I can, provide for her, guide her, protect her. The feelings will never go away.

But you care about them in a different way, right? You've distanced yourself somewhat from them, emotionally ... otherwise you'd go nuts!

 

[SirKenin]

Hmm. I don't know if I would go so far as to relate love to a chemical substance. It's a human emotion, a way of thinking, a deep concept, an action and as such I don't see the correlation between the two. Which rock band was it that sang "True love never dies"? I can't remember, but I might even have the song somewhere in my collection. There's a lot of truth to that statement.

Do you remember the true definition of love? "Greater love hath no man than this, than a man lays down his life for his friends". Don't tell me that dies. I don't believe you. Would you lay down your life for this woman? I tell you the truth, I'd lay down my life for my pet in a heartbeat. I wouldn't think twice about it. It's a deep concept. Ponder it for a while.

I think you might have love and infatuation confused. That's what it sounds like to me.

EDIT: Ahh yes. I remember. It wasn't a rock band that sang that song, it's a hard house anthem ft. Flip & Fill featured on a Chris Sheppard album, Euphoria - Hard House & Progressive Anthems. I do have the track. As a matter of fact I'm listening to it as I'm typing this.

 

[SirKenin]

But you care about them in a different way, right? You've distanced yourself somewhat from them, emotionally ... otherwise you'd go nuts!

I don't know. I'm not going nuts. I no longer love and care about them as my lovers, but I love and care about them as my friends. I would do anything for them and indeed I have. They only need call on me and I'll be there for them. I was even there for my wife in a limited capacity until she started being a holy terror. Then I withdrew myself from her completely to save my own sanity. Funny though. I didn't love her but up until I cut her off I still had caring feelings for her that were aroused when I talked to her. It was wierd. Truth is I probably still do. I think I just buried them and pushed her out of my mind.

 

[ardeur]

I would NOT say that this girl has no feelings for you. It DOES sound like she is trying her very best to be as open and honest with you as possible, and yet at the same time she is very new to the whole relationship/expressing feelings/being pursued sorta thing. I WAS this girl and I can totally see where she might be coming from (we can never be 100% sure). I was interested in a guy for two years, but I did not express my feelings or pursue him in any way for the same exact reasons this girl has. I am about to graduate and it was just a couple months back that he and I talked about our feelings and agreed to pursue something. :-D It has been wonderful these past two months, and at the same time I am very happy that we waited as long as we did and (back then) focused on just a friendship with each other since we were trying to put all the rest of our energy into school.

Just pray! That is what I did... pray pray pray and counsel with the people who know you best and are closest to you - the people who hear the voice of God. WHenever people counsel you in something, take whatever they say to the Lord in prayer. I have no idea what God has planned for you and this girl, I can only tell you what I have experienced.

 

[churchgoer123]

infatuation is a stage of love.

usually it starts out like this: Lust, then infatuation, then romance / attachment / then agape love (the kind God has)

Lust: like being a baby. you don't give love, you get it from your parents

Infatuation: like being a kid. you still get a lot of love, but you start giving to your parents

Romance / att.: like being a late teenager (not the bratty kind) you become pretty independant, and if you are mature enogh. you will give even more to your parents as you get older and older, and they need you for stuff (doing the dirty work, climbing ladders, mowing, etc.)

then comes agape love. your parents can't do anything but lay in bed. they are too old, and it becomes totally opposite of the baby stage. You take total care of THEM.

agape love is the best.

but don't assume that it is bad that relationships START based on that.

but if it doesnt grow, you're in trouble.

"I think you might have love and infatuation confused. That's what it sounds like to me."


yeah i was talking about infatuation. sorry to confuse if i did.