If a guy says he's not ready for commitment, does that mean he'll never be ready? And is it pathetic to have hope in something more?
I read an article on Boundless a few years ago that tackled the issue. They addressed lengthy connections with no commitment in sight and the problems with continuance. I agreed with their conclusion for the most part.
It takes a long time to know someone. You won't know their innards in two or three years. You need more mileage than that. You've got to be realistic when scrutinizing. I emphasize character and place decisions in his lap. I'm gauging his readiness and willingness to pull the trigger.
- The first step is acknowledgment. Is he willing to approach and make his interest known?
- If he admits interest, is he willing to pursue it?
- Can he articulate what he's seeking and why its alluded him?
- Describe your process. How do you move the connection from point A to the finish line?
I pay more attention to what he does than what he says. It isn't a question of readiness per se. But whether he wants to take the plunge with you. That doesn't minimize fears or uncertainty. But it demonstrates his ability to face them. He's not looking for an out or weighing options. You're the one he wants.
When a man desires to share his life with me he establishes my place. He communicates his feelings and intentions long-term. He shares his vision for us to determine if I want the same. Intimacy deepens. He addresses his finances, challenges, etc. He turns to me and desires my input. He gets real. I see it all.
I shouldn't be six months in and clueless. Not if I've done my homework and screened him properly. When you're ready to settle down you have a different scent from someone who's looking. They haven't reached the point of finality in the hunt. You can tell if you ask the right questions.
I'm listening for maturity and self-awareness. He's done a lot of soul searching and isn't operating from a place of lack or loneliness. He desires a companion but she isn't an idol or the lone focus in his world. He's balanced and has other things to look forward to. He admits his mistakes and sees where he erred in his search.
That's how you eliminate placeholders. You don't get ahead of him. Follow his lead and you'll see where you're heading. Tier the investment and response to your position. And never play house.
That's where many go wrong. Their behavior is based on assumptions. Not facts. If he wants to marry you; he'll make you his. Nothing will stop him if you desire the same. Put on the breaks until you reach that point.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
