Guys, a question for you

[Wandering Cat Lady]

What is the best way for your SO or wife to bring up a touchy subject? I've been trying to learn about communication and so far so good...but this is definitely a big question on my mind. I'm not afraid to talk to my SO about something, but I'm just wondering! Thanks

 

[Weasel7711]

Probably just say, we need to talk about something and then just say whatever is on her mind.

 

[Wandering Cat Lady]

Ok. I am also aware that it probably varies from person to person too. With my SO I sometimes find it hard because I am afraid of his response (conditioned thinking from my past, he's not abusive but my family was) but I also want to be respectful, assertive, and pleasant when I'm talking to him. Touchy subjects are very few for him actually...when I talk about how he spends his time, that's a really touchy subject. When I talk about his attitude (sometimes his ego is just way too big lol) he's a good boy but I know it's touchy...I just want to make it a bit nicer for him, sort of having an idea of how to present something. I don't like beating around the bush, so I won't do that

 

[joyouspirit]

Im not a guy but I'd like to share.

I always go like these, "Can i ask you a question?" And from there we will talk about it. It depends really, it's not the same with every person.

God bless!!!

 

[Wandering Cat Lady]

Yeah, I think it does depend. My FH is very passive most of the time, he's quiet and doesn't say a whole lot...which I like for the most part. But if I want to talk about a touchy subject, I feel like beating around the bush and letting him "start" the conversation, which usually happens. See, when he's in control of it it's fine, or when he feels like he's got the upper hand and he's being respected, it's fine. He handles it all like a champ anyway, I really have no complaints, I just wanted to see what you all had to say. And gals, feel free to share, please! I find that most guys just want the whole picture, don't give me all the details just tell me how you really feel and what's really going on in a nutshell. Then let me think about it for a long time, cause I need to process it. My guy is good, listens to all the details and I find that I'm often not detailed enough for him, so he asks questions. But he definitely needs time to ride the thought train before responding to me.

My particular trouble right now pretty much centers on his priorities, sometimes I feel like I'm not a high enough priority. I know I am, he calls me and emails me so much just to tell me he loves me, he makes so much time for me, makes sure that I'm getting all the hugs and holding that I need and gives it without complaint (course he likes it too ) so I know that I am where i should be. But there's times...like when he's writing...he's definitely called to be a writer and he does a fabulous job, but he spends a lot of time thinking about it and doing it. And I mean a LOT of time...but I have put it very clearly to him that he needs to be careful about what priority the writing takes, and he agreed and I don't know, he's been so sweet about it. So really, I have it made with such a passive guy...I'm sure it varies from person to person.

I usually have to trust God and myself and Ken enough to bring up something, and sometimes that's hard. What are your fears when bringing up a touchy subject? Mine are basically that I won't say it the right way, that I will sound disrespectful to him. Discuss...

 

[Tuffguy]

What is the best way for your SO or wife to bring up a touchy subject? I've been trying to learn about communication and so far so good...but this is definitely a big question on my mind. I'm not afraid to talk to my SO about something, but I'm just wondering! Thanks

The best way? With food of course!!!

We're so simple!! Feed us and tell us it straight out.

 

[Wandering Cat Lady]

LOL oh my word, well you made me laugh LOL and it's the truth ain't it? All I gotta do is say "food" and he perks RIGHT up. Especially if it has to do with chocolate, apples, or tacos LOL!

 

[Weasel7711]

LOL oh my word, well you made me laugh LOL and it's the truth ain't it? All I gotta do is say "food" and he perks RIGHT up. Especially if it has to do with chocolate, apples, or tacos LOL!

yeah, food will help

 

[sinneD]

Yeah, food is good... but in reality, timing is everything.. certainly not when he just walks in the door from work or doing something.. guys need some time to relax at the end of the day.. and not when you're both rushing out the door to go somewhere..

Frankly, if you want his undivided attention, at the end of the day, when you're laying in bed together, just after the lights go out.. your're lying there making small talk.. that's the time..

 

[Wandering Cat Lady]

Thanks My fiance had a good laugh, and then claimed that "well DUH, that's how we work..." LOL.

I have well learned how to let him get in the door and play on his computer every night, and I don't mind it too much at all cause I know if I give him a few minutes, he'll get himself together and spend time with me. We actually talked about some sticky topics and I felt quite relieved last night just to get it out. And I didn't use food, lol. I just started talking and asking him questions and he got right into it. Yeah, I do think it's all about timing. It'll be easier too, when we're married, because I won't have to go home at the end of the night, I can actually stay and discuss...and when we're just laying there as you said at the end of the day, well I know he'll listen even if he falls asleep

 

[Andy Broadley]

Laura and I are really lucky in this dept, because we can talk about anything, no matter how difficult. Just sit together and hold hands as you talk it through.

Make sure you keep eye contact regularly. The eyes can't lie and she can see that you are being open and honest and that prevents misunderstandings.

If things get strained, stop and say 'I love you'

Make sure that you listen to what is being said and if you don't understand something, ask her to explain it again

And pray it through as well as talk it through

 

[nvrbnunloved]

Laura and I are really lucky in this dept, because we can talk about anything, no matter how difficult. Just sit together and hold hands as you talk it through.

Make sure you keep eye contact regularly. The eyes can't lie and she can see that you are being open and honest and that prevents misunderstandings.

If things get strained, stop and say 'I love you'

Make sure that you listen to what is being said and if you don't understand something, ask her to explain it again

And pray it through as well as talk it through

What he said

 

[miss_klara]

Lol, I think my man knows when I'm going to bring something up, because I'll start with "Hey, so, umm...." followed by a question regarding what I want to talk about. We've never really had any serious issues at all, so it's not like it happens often, but I think I do need to find a better approach than this!!!

 

[SupernovaZA]

My gf tells me she wants to tell me something, and says never mind, and then she says she really needs to tell me, and then she says Im going to get mad. After a while I am so curios that I need to know, and she made me promise not to get mad. And then again she said that I am going to get mad, then at that time I am begging to her for that information, and then she tells me. And then it is not as bad as I thought it would be.

 

[Wandering Cat Lady]

My fiance would probably have the same response as you do if I did that. Actually, I know he would because I tried the same approach. I wanted him to be curious enough to ask, and be interested enough that he was willing to give me 100% attention, thought, and not be upset about it. And then it's never as bad as I think it's going to be.

But I'm learning, slowly, that if I hand him chocolate and start talking, everything's ok too. LOL! No really though, it's best if I just start talking. Granted, there are times when I wish he would just switch his attention over to me automatically but truth is, he's just playing with his hands and not saying anything because he's listening and thinking about his response. It takes longer for guys to process things. Therefore, I don't get upset and usually he comes back just fine after he thinks.

If it's a very serious talk, we sit together on the couch or the bed, he holds me and tells me he loves me all throughout, and of course we pray. If we get a little disturbed, eventually I back off into my own little corner and world, and as much as I would like him to come to me, I usually end up coming to him because he'll tell me he loves me and then I know it's ok to go back and sit with him and talk with him.

 

[Nobility]

Frankly, if you want his undivided attention, at the end of the day, when you're laying in bed together, just after the lights go out.. your're lying there making small talk.. that's the time..

Once married, this is really I find the best most productive way.... However before marriage, for us it was to go down to the beach in the car and sit and talk about deep issues. Then bring 'it' up.

 

[Andy Broadley]

Actually we can relate this in practical terms just now.

Without going in to detail, a big decision needs to be made in the near future, which is going to take a great deal of thought, prayer and discussion.

We started last night and will continure tonight and for as long as is needed until we are at the place where the decision can be made. We started by praying abuot it together then started talking.

As soon as one of us started to feel strained or tired as a result we stopped and agreed to come back to it tonight.

We are kinda lucky in that we find this sort of thing very natural, and it is one of the many things God blessed us with when He brought us together.

 

[nvrbnunloved]

Actually we can relate this in practical terms just now.

Without going in to detail, a big decision needs to be made in the near future, which is going to take a great deal of thought, prayer and discussion.

We started last night and will continure tonight and for as long as is needed until we are at the place where the decision can be made. We started by praying abuot it together then started talking.

As soon as one of us started to feel strained or tired as a result we stopped and agreed to come back to it tonight.

We are kinda lucky in that we find this sort of thing very natural, and it is one of the many things God blessed us with when He brought us together.

And I find this a particular blessing as it is not something I am used to having - this kind of love & support when making big decisions. I know Andy won't let me thank him for it, because he feels I have a right to expect this of him, but I do thank God for giving me such a wonderful man

 

[Andy Broadley]

And I find this a particular blessing as it is not something I am used to having - this kind of love & support when making big decisions. I know Andy won't let me thank him for it, because he feels I have a right to expect this of him, but I do thank God for giving me such a wonderful man

Exactly the same for me as well though babe.

 

[Natz]

And I find this a particular blessing as it is not something I am used to having - this kind of love & support when making big decisions. I know Andy won't let me thank him for it, because he feels I have a right to expect this of him, but I do thank God for giving me such a wonderful man

You should thank God for him. You are truly blessed to have that.