Guilty

[SashaDusty]

When I was 11, my uncle sexually abused me. He molested me over a period of time and told me he loved me and wanted to run off with me and marry me. He even said it would be great if we had children together. At the time I was a lonely little girl. I was so lonely, I was glad to have him there when I came home from school. Luckily, he was arrested later for the things he did to a different girl.

Now I try to forget about it and have fun. It's not healthy to dwell and feel sorry for yourself. But I still feel guilty. It's just as much as my fault as his, I was a little girl desperate for attention so I never told anyone or sought help, I just let it happen. I still get flashbacks. I don't think they'll stop anytime soon.

Is it good or bad to feel guilty? Will the flashbacks eventually stop?

 

[BlondieLashes]

Hi SashaDusty! I hope you realize that as just a child that you are not responsible for what happened with your uncle. He abused you and the situation that you were in. I admire you for not dwelling on it, however it would be great to seek counseling for it if you are able. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse as well and I did not seek counseling for it when I was young and it haunted me in the decisions I made throughout my adult life.

 

[SashaDusty]

I am in counseling already (for many reasons). : 3 We talked about this briefly, but never got into depth. I still feel responsible though, I mean I practically encouraged him...

 

[BlondieLashes]

Even if you did encourage him, you were just a child. Adults are responsible for the well-being of children. Please, please, please don't blame yourself. I blamed myself for years for the abuse I suffered as well. It has taken a lot of therapy for me to realize that it is an adult or authority figure's responsibility to keep children safe. I feel like I am talking in circles, but I just wish I could help you to see you are not "guilty".

I am really glad you are in counseling. If I could do my life over I would have gotten into counseling much sooner and sorted through the abuse of my childhood.

 

[Darkhorse]

Along that line of thought, the fact that you welcomed his company and possibly found some of his attention enjoyable due to your lonliness, that doesn't make you guilty of any wrongdoing, even though you may feel "guilty" of something. HE was wrong to act inappropriately with a child; you may have mixed feelings about it, but that doesn't make you a participant in his wrongdoing. It is NOT "just as much your fault as his" legally or morally. Learn to give yourself "hugs", and let God heal your feelings. The flashbacks will fade with God's love and good therapy.

 

[SashaDusty]

Thank you for such kind thoughts. It's kind of hard to think that I don't have any blame at all, but I'll try not to blame myself as much if it is a help.

 

[BlondieLashes]

SashaDusty - Have you ever done something that looking back you wish to God that you hadn't done and if you could warn others you would? That's how I feel about children that blame themselves for childhood sexual abuse. I blamed myself as well. I ended up repeating the pattern over and over in my adult life....It only lead me into destructive relationships. I will pray for you and if you ever need to please feel free to send me a pm. I care!

 

[Johnnz]

Guilt often accompanies abuse. That is partly due to the inner defilement that occurs, partly due to threats/promises never to tell anyone, and an adult looking back as an adult without properly recognising how difficult it is for a much younger person to do much about what is happening.

None of that guilt comes from God.

John
NZ

 

[mebby02]

Its not your fault at all you didn't do anything wrong you were a kid he has no right to lay his hand on you. Nine years ago l was raped by a guy and l gave him alcohol and he drugged me and took adventage of me. I thought it was my fault for a while now l know its not. It still hurts all the time l get flash backs too it hurts me all the time l don't feel the same person.