Guidelines for teens and electronics

[Almond Eyes]

Hi Everyone. This is my first day on the forum. I'm kinda new to this, but I didn't have a lot of luck trying to find input with a search engine so I thought I would try a Christian forum. I am a Pentecostal Christian and we attend a Spirit filled church. My daughter is going to be 14 years old this year. We just got her her first iPhone. We are paying for the line but she is paying for her phone. I am trying to figure out some kind of schedule because I don't want her on her phone all the time. But I'm having a hard time with coming to any conclusions. Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[RC1970]

Welcome to CF.

 

[Almond Eyes]

Welcome to CF.

Thanks!

 

[Kenny'sID]

Welcome.

Has she proved to be a problem as of yet with the phone?

I guess the answer is probably going to be "what teen hasn't", but what do I know.

 

[Paidiske]

I'm not at that stage of parenting yet, Almond Eyes, but I know a lot of parents have rules such as that the phones must stay in living areas of the house - so when the child goes to bed, or is studying in their room, the phone doesn't go with them, sort of thing. Would that maybe be worth a try?

 

[Zoii]

Hi Everyone. This is my first day on the forum. I'm kinda new to this, but I didn't have a lot of luck trying to find input with a search engine so I thought I would try a Christian forum. I am a Pentecostal Christian and we attend a Spirit filled church. My daughter is going to be 14 years old this year. We just got her her first iPhone. We are paying for the line but she is paying for her phone. I am trying to figure out some kind of schedule because I don't want her on her phone all the time. But I'm having a hard time with coming to any conclusions. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I have a smartphone. My parents pay my bills but I paid for the phone from Xmas money [plus a little from mum n dad]. I had this "trust" talk before this started and we agreed what I should and shouldnt be using it for. They get my bills so they know if I am keeping up my end.... and I do

 

[Almond Eyes]

I'm not at that stage of parenting yet, Almond Eyes, but I know a lot of parents have rules such as that the phones must stay in living areas of the house - so when the child goes to bed, or is studying in their room, the phone doesn't go with them, sort of thing. ]

Oops. Not sure how this all works - I deleted your last sentence lol. So yes, she is not allowed to have it in her room overnight. And our phones are off an dinner time. But I guess for one thing, idk how much is "too much". Because there is so much on the phone. Ya know, Pinterest, games, Kindle etc. but I guess what I was thinking was - I don't want her to be on her phone hour after hour - even if she is doing legit things. Also we talked about accountability and such. We actually deleted snapchat because of the feature of 10 second pictures. Also I'm going to get a program that tracks websites etc. it's not that I don't trust her. I just want her to be safe.

 

[Cute Tink]

I simply set guidelines like the phone can't be used during school and cannot be used after bedtime. Since I could check on their activity on the account or through the router at home, I knew if they were using it when they weren't supposed to.

 

[Almond Eyes]

Thank you! Do you have software for checking the account (did you mean checking the internet sites etc ?) If so, may I inquire as to the program you use? I've researched and there is just so many out there it is overwhelming!

 

[Cute Tink]

I am able to check the usage on my carrier's website (at the time I was really focused on it, that was AT&T). I would just log into my account and check the times that the phones were in use. If it was inappropriate times, I would discuss the issue with them and potentially take away the phone at bed time or whatever.

I could also log into my home router and watch the traffic on the network. I had assigned IP addresses for all of the devices on our network and I could see which phone or PC was going where and at what time. That software came with the router and is accessed through the web interface. The fun part of that is that I could simply turn off internet service to that device at any time and they simply wouldn't be able to continue. The router logged all traffic including the URLs the device was visiting (so I did know roughly what they were up to), but you may have to enable that setting in your admin area.

I never put software on the specific devices to track that stuff, because often kids will figure out how to turn those off, but they aren't as likely to gain access to the router itself.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi Everyone. This is my first day on the forum. I'm kinda new to this, but I didn't have a lot of luck trying to find input with a search engine so I thought I would try a Christian forum. I am a Pentecostal Christian and we attend a Spirit filled church. My daughter is going to be 14 years old this year. We just got her her first iPhone. We are paying for the line but she is paying for her phone. I am trying to figure out some kind of schedule because I don't want her on her phone all the time. But I'm having a hard time with coming to any conclusions. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Hi; good to see you; God bless His Word to you and your family.

There is a lot of unprofitable material that can be viewed these days via the cellphone. It's a case of learning wisdom gradually, for the young person, I guess; also, learning to remain quiet in formal situations and not be talking on the cellphone.

 

[keith99]

I simply set guidelines like the phone can't be used during school and cannot be used after bedtime. Since I could check on their activity on the account or through the router at home, I knew if they were using it when they weren't supposed to.

Most schools prohibit phone use. I think that points to the obvious rule. The teen should be expected to obey all laws and rules regarding phone use. So no at school, no at most theaters. One where the parent should be more strict than that is no phone use while driving, even if the kid has hands free capacity and hands free is legal. A bit early for this teen, but repetition and early warning helps. Say it now and when she gets a learners permit.

I personally would lean towards just a total amount of time to start. It might even work out that it teaches budgeting and planning.

Being honest is a good idea also. Admit that you are learning this on the fly because you did not have a cell phone as a teen and unlike other things you have no model to follow,if your parents did it right or avoid if there were problems. A part of that admission is also admitting that if things do not work out you will adjust the rules until they do. BUT make that a two edged sword. Also let it be known if your daughter shows she can handle the phone you might relax the rules.

 

[Almond Eyes]

Most schools prohibit phone use. I think that points to the obvious rule. The teen should be expected to obey all laws and rules regarding phone use. So no at school, no at most theaters. One where the parent should be more strict than that is no phone use while driving, even if the kid has hands free capacity and hands free is legal. A bit early for this teen, but repetition and early warning helps. Say it now and when she gets a learners permit.

I personally would lean towards just a total amount of time to start. It might even work out that it teaches budgeting and planning.

Being honest is a good idea also. Admit that you are learning this on the fly because you did not have a cell phone as a teen and unlike other things you have no model to follow,if your parents did it right or avoid if there were problems. A part of that admission is also admitting that if things do not work out you will adjust the rules until they do. BUT make that a two edged sword. Also let it be known if your daughter shows she can handle the phone you might relax the rules.

Hi; good to see you; God bless His Word to you and your family.

There is a lot of unprofitable material that can be viewed these days via the cellphone. It's a case of learning wisdom gradually, for the young person, I guess; also, learning to remain quiet in formal situations and not be talking on the cellphone.

Ugh I don't think I am answering in the right place! Just wanted to say awesome advice! I am so appreciative. God bless you for your taking the time to help me!

 

[Paidiske]

Most schools prohibit phone use. I think that points to the obvious rule. The teen should be expected to obey all laws and rules regarding phone use. So no at school, no at most theaters. One where the parent should be more strict than that is no phone use while driving, even if the kid has hands free capacity and hands free is legal.

Oh, and please, teach them to turn it off in church!

 

[Cute Tink]

Oh, and please, teach them to turn it off in church!

And in meetings and presentations and anywhere else where you are supposed to be paying attention to something in particular. So many adults I know simply don't get this and phones go off obnoxiously left and right.

 

[AvgJoe]

Hi Almond Eyes & welcome to CF!

 

[keith99]

Oh, and please, teach them to turn it off in church!

Only if the adults turn theirs off! Well unless asking them to do so because they are more polite than most adults works.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Ugh I don't think I am answering in the right place! Just wanted to say awesome advice! I am so appreciative. God bless you for your taking the time to help me!

YW;

Keep checking out the forums!

 

[Lily76_]

welcome to cf and its good to hear that you banned snap chat
my 15 year old niece was fooled into show her chest to a man through snap chat she not allowed a phone now because of this as there are other chat apps that can do what snap chat dose like whats app and others
i thought i should warn you about them ...

 

[Ada Lovelace]

It's been helpful to my siblings and me to see how my parents behave with their own phones, and how they follow the majority of the rules set for us as teens. Obviously with my little sisters (who are 9 and 11) there are far more restrictions and limitations, but with my brother and I who are teens there's less concerns about safety and more of a focus on manners and productivity. They've said that it's important to learn how to incorporate the phone into your life, but not make your phone your life. They've emphasized the importance of phone etiquette, and tried to lead by example with it. It's a family rule that no one uses their phone at the table (unless there's some valid need), in church, in the theater, or when we're expected to be giving our attention to someone or something else (work, school).

It's their habit to leave their phones and laptops in the home office downstairs charging overnight, and they used to make me do the same. They had us all use actual alarm clocks instead of phones. I think it was helpful in my earlier teens to have a set routine. They didn't take away my phone during homework hours because it wasn't a distraction for me. They did take my brother's phone for a while because it was one for him.

When I was younger they monitored my phone and online activity, but by the time I was in high school they felt I was trustworthy and trained enough to self-manage those aspects. Some of my friends' parents did continue to read their texts and emails, and it was the cause of conflict. For one, a text or email involves more than just the teen whose parent is monitoring her phone; their friends are writing to them, at that age there's more of an expectation of privacy. I've received countless texts that were for my eyes only; heart-to-hearts where sensitive and private feelings are shared. A lot of teens use privacy apps for that reason now. I personally think that a parent should only monitor a high schooler's phone or laptop if there's a pressing reason for it, such as engaging in bullying others, or other inappropriate behavior. If parents do decide to monitor just as a precaution, I think discretion and respect should be used. I don't think they should read texts and emails from established friends who pose no danger. It's also important to understand that teens will use texting the way diaries were used in the past - to vent feelings and frustrations. There was this thread here last year about this enormous drama that escalated from a young teen venting to her friend about her dad's new girlfriend and calling her a mildly derogatory name. The girlfriend read the texts, and wanted the girl punished for them. My heart went out to the girl.