Guidelines for applying punishment

[OracleX]

These are some guidelines that I got out of a book I am reading called, "Honesty Morality & Conscience."  I think that these guidelines are great and I am trying to remember them when I deal with my daughter.

• Make the punishment fit the crime.  Don't overpunish for small misdeeds.
• Be as consistent as you can in dealing with each issue.  Punishment one time and not the next confuses a child.
• In corporal punsihment (spanking) be careful not to hurt the child, or to spank for every little thing.  As a child grows orlder, you must rely more and more on persuasion and influence.
• Never punish when you are angry.
• Be consistent with all the children in the family.
• Punishment, both physical and verbal, should be in private.  Public correction humiliates and angers a child.
• Assure the child of your love in the process.
• Be certain the child understands why he is being punished.

 

[Beckijhn]

I like that!

Two things I would comment on. First the consistancy thing is on the mark. I haven't had to spank in weeks. (and I have an active 10 year old boy LOL) In that consistancy it is best to NEVER ignore it. If the behavior is wrong, don't write it off like 'it's just this once, I'll pick my battles'. It's twice as hard to come back from that than to say 'you know that's not allowed, please don't do that again' and follow appropriately if they do it again!

Secondly I avoid dragging the kid off to punish. (though I don't spank in public) I've learned a few tricks that work well. One we call the 'uh-oh muscle' that was suggested by Dr Dobson. It's the muscle between the sholder and the neck - it gets tense on we adults and needs to be rubbed. Well that one is tender enough that it gets attention but won't damage the child.

Funny story - my middle child used to have raging fits (before the consistancy thing and other issues emerged and were sorted through). I had to learn to catch the coming storm early and head it off or I'd be carrying my screaming child to the car slung over my shoulder. I was reading "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr Dobson and decided to try what we now call the uh-oh muscle. So we're in church and my little girl (7 or 8) is talking and won't settle down. I reach over and give her a little squeeze - I promise it was gentle - and she screams out "you're killing me, you're killing me". I about died.

It's a funny story now and re-told quite often. oy! She's destined for the stage!!!

 

[minniemouse]

I think that those guidelines are right on target. They are pretty much what I follow anyway, but it is good to have a reminder so I printed them out. Thanks!

 

[Rondabear]

I read part of the strong willed child but I guess I missed the part about the uh oh muscle. When I get angry with my son I will often put myself in timeout until I can calm down and deal with him in a loving manner. I even tell him Mommy needs a timeout.

 

[Gabriel]

Secondly I avoid dragging the kid off to punish. (though I don't spank in public) I've learned a few tricks that work well. One we call the 'uh-oh muscle' that was suggested by Dr Dobson. It's the muscle between the sholder and the neck - it gets tense on we adults and needs to be rubbed. Well that one is tender enough that it gets attention but won't damage the child.

Works like a charm for me. Usually they straighten up as soon as they see me coming at thewm with the claw. We call it the "Vulcan Death Grip".

 

[bigat]

I think the part about doing it in private is key. Why would you want to embarass your kid? Good post

 

[Beckijhn]

I like that ... "Vulan Death Grip" ... LOL

 

[slightlypuzzled]

Consistency is important and learning to talk to the child. My wife is good at that and I have had to learn from her. Sometimes, when she is so wound up that it is hard for her to calm down, I have found that holding her until she calms down works wonders. There is a time for punishment, I know, but only when he/she can be aware of what is going on.