Guidance for 9 and 11 year old jealous of classmates receiving 1st communion

[bmanuel77]

Hi, this is my first time posting in this site so not sure if this is user the correct forum. We are a Christian based family attending non denominational Bible based preaching churches since my kids were born. My personal background is being raised Catholic and confirmed and later breaking away from Catholic faith to attend Gospel teaching churches. My kids are of age now where they see friends from school excited about first communion from the Catholic Church. Can anyone in here give me some scriptural examples that I can show my kids and for my own wisdom to help them not feel bad or jealous about this situation? Or just any other advice appreciated if non scriptural? Thanks so much!

 

[Benjamin Müller]

What exactly are the kids jealous about? I wouldn't be able to offer advice without knowing the motive for jealousy.

I remember when I was 9, a boy was getting baptized and his dad had bribed him with $500 to go do it. Some kids thought, 'wow, you're so lucky! $500!'. But my parents when they heard it weren't impressed because he was doing it for money, not for God.

I don't know your children. Are your children jealous because they want to do it for Christ? Or is there a childish reason (kids will be kids, no judgment there) like their peers are getting extra attention for it; they got new clothes for the occasion; they're getting money or a toy afterwards; because they get to be with the grown-ups; because they get to take part in something sacred and feel close to God?

To offer advice I would rather know why they're jealous, because there's a lot of reasons why children can be jealous of their peers.

 

[sandman]

I would say.... do your own....and teach your kids the accuracy of what the Word declares.

In the fellowship I do this once a year around Pentecost, but It is not limited to once a year. I used to do this a few time throughout the year with my family. It’s a remembrance ….a great time to teach what Christ has accomplished for us….which is what this is all about in 1Co 11:23-26. It can be and will be a special time of healing with the family.

 

[PloverWing]

I would use this as a teaching opportunity to explain what your church believes about baptism and communion. Since "nondenominational" can mean lots of things, there are several possibilities about what your church believes on this.

1) If you're like the Baptists, and you postpone baptism until the child has made a profession of faith, you could say: The Catholics baptize babies, to welcome them into the community of faith as soon as they're born, so your Catholic friends have already been baptized. We wait until people can make their own decision to follow Jesus to baptize them, because we think that decision is really important. After you've been baptized, you can receive communion too. Our church doesn't have a special ceremony for the first time you receive communion, but baptism is very special for us.

2) If you're like the churches that baptize babies and offer them communion as soon as they're able to handle food, you could say: You've been receiving communion since you were a toddler, because our church offers communion to everyone who is baptized. The Catholics want children to understand a little more about communion before they receive it, so they postpone communion until the children are old enough to learn what communion means, and then they have a ceremony to celebrate that. Be happy for them that now they get to receive communion too.

3) If you're like the Quakers, and your church doesn't celebrate communion at all, you could say: For Catholics, communion is a way that people get to be extra close to God. Our church doesn't have communion. We feel extra close to God when we sit in silence and in prayer, and listen quietly to the ways God is present within us.

In summary: Take this as an opportunity to explain to your children what your church teaches and practices, and how these practices help people to be close to God. It sounds like you have difficult emotions about your Catholic upbringing, but if you can, also explain respectfully to your children how the Catholic practices of baptism and communion help people to be close to God.

 

[com7fy8]

First, welcome to Christian Forums, and I would say this is a good place for this.

I have learned that the Lord's Supper is a family occasion. Any child who has trusted in Jesus automatically is welcome to join in communion. It is not about an individual, but a child realizes he or she has trusted in Jesus and now is a child of God and simply the child joins in communion.

So, in case one of your children has some issue about other children being excited about starting communion . . . if your child has already started, why would your child have an issue??

But in case your children are worrying about other children doing something, you can talk about what your children need to be doing, and not only comparing themselves with others.

Have they trusted in Jesus so they know they are part of God's family and therefore to be included in the Lord's Supper? This is a family occasion; there is no need for some individual thing of initiation, but we do this as family. But if ones want an individual celebration and excitement about it . . . we do individual celebrating, too

But if there is individual celebration, it is silly for others to get jealous. If we love one another as ourselves, we are glad for others who have and do what we don't.

So, why are they worried and jealous about other children having first communion? What are they seeing that has them concerned?? Being excited and getting attention does not automatically mean something is right. It does not automatically mean someone is happy. This would go for religious things and for sports and marriage.

We see in life, how so many are so excited and happy when they get married . . . then comes reality of how they are becoming as persons and couples.

For example, singles can see how other church members get married and then seem so blessed, but the singles and divorced members can feel they are missing out on something . . . instead of loving those married people as themselves and therefore being glad for them and thanking God for how they are blessed. I experience that if I love someone else as myself, then that person getting blessed is just the same as if it was me; and so I can benefit even like that person, inside myself! And I would say that ones loving like this are satisfied with Jesus, better than any human activity can please and satisfy them.

So, this might be a teachable moment . . . for how to not compare and how to love - - and how to evaluate how others really are doing while they appear to be excited and happy.

And make sure you help them to understand what God's word says about the Lord's Supper. You can check out 1 Corinthians 11. I note how Paul tells those Corinthians that they need to relate with one another in Jesus' loving way while having their communion > this is what I get, anyway. It is a love time, not only an individual getting one's own self blessed thing. And it shows the Lord's death until He comes, Paul says. So, where your attention is is important, during the Lord's Supper.

And there are Catholics here in Christian Forums, who are welcome to post here and give you their advice which understandably will be according to Catholic beliefs about communion. You can read their sharing and you can read in threads where we are allowed to debate about what communion is and what the Bible says about it. And then you can talk with your children about the Catholic way and your way of communion. And they can then see what they should be excited about and what not >

"Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21)

They need to learn how to test, and not get excited about things just because others seem excited and happy about something. Going along with others can lead to wrong religion, foolish overemphasis on succeeding in sports, stressing out and abusing themselves in order to keep up with what worldly people are doing professionally, drugs, smoking, immorality, and unwise choice making about who they marry. So, they need to be prayerful and careful not to do things only because of peer influence and how people can make things look.

For me, it helps to simply have knowledge of what the Bible says. And when I need to make a choice, be quiet in prayer and trust God to have me with Him in His personal guiding in His peace, then enjoy discovering what He has me doing > with "rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30)

And while I am staying attentive to God in His peace, this helps to keep me from comparing myself with other people and what they have and do. And I have people who I would say are real Christian examples to help me find out how to be as a person, what matters the most, and how to relate with love for each and every person . . . including as family with other children of God. And being with God and relating as family is what feeds my communion experience, by the way. It is not only about getting myself to Heaven and getting grace for my own self; we minister God's own grace to one another >

"As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." (1 Peter 4:10)

The way I was Catholic was obviously wrong. I was mainly about getting my own self into Heaven. I hardly cared about anyone else. I knew Jesus' message about loving; yet, I could judge girls and women by what they looked like and even be disgusted with females who did not look cute; so I was a horrible person who had no clue how to love, except I would treat people nice and people actually thought I was a nice person . . . of all things!

Now, clearly, I was not taught in my Catholic upbringing to be like that . . . of course. But right while I could go to confession every weekend, at the same time I could be so anti-love with females and I could give in to major torment of ongoing worry and building up for explosions of my ill temper > never confessing those so anti-love things, and supposing I was doing everything to make it to Heaven.

So, how I really was was wrong; being Catholic had nothing to do with it, I would say. Then I trusted in Jesus and started to realize how horrible I have been. And having personal examples have helped me a lot to see this. A point I could make, I suppose, is that going to a communion service is not the same as actually getting to know someone who is a Jesus love person. When the disciples had their first communion, they were with Jesus, right? So, right during their communion they were experiencing how Jesus was personally loving each of them . . . so that later they could obey how Jesus said,

"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12)

So, I dare say that you need to become a part of your children's communion experience, by being their example of how Jesus has us loving in His family caring and sharing way, and "without complaining and disputing," by the way > see and feed on Philippians 2:13-16 < you can talk with your children about this, and show them such loving in how you relate with your wife, so they can learn how to love in a close relationship . . . so they are wise not to be bounced around by peer excitements and fads.

And you need to have others they know, who also are such examples.

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)

In the communion we have with Jesus, then, we become forgiving "even as God". Jesus in us shares with us how kindly and tenderly and generously He forgives.

"And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma." (Ephesians 5:2)

This is where Biblical communion brings our attention, showing "the Lord's death till He comes" > in 1 Corinthians 11:26 > including by loving the way Jesus on Calvary was loving us while He was so suffering and dying for us.

 

[bmanuel77]

What exactly are the kids jealous about? I wouldn't be able to offer advice without knowing the motive for jealousy.

I remember when I was 9, a boy was getting baptized and his dad had bribed him with $500 to go do it. Some kids thought, 'wow, you're so lucky! $500!'. But my parents when they heard it weren't impressed because he was doing it for money, not for God.

I don't know your children. Are your children jealous because they want to do it for Christ? Or is there a childish reason (kids will be kids, no judgment there) like their peers are getting extra attention for it; they got new clothes for the occasion; they're getting money or a toy afterwards; because they get to be with the grown-ups; because they get to take part in something sacred and feel close to God?

To offer advice I would rather know why they're jealous, because there's a lot of reasons why children can be jealous of their peers.

My daughter’s jealousy comes from a an attention perspective, the clothes, the celebration(parties) involved with it. My sons jealously at the time was motivated by the money from it. Also FYI, neither of them have yet to be baptized by choice so this is definitely something we can discuss and celebration surrounding that when the time comes.

 

[bmanuel77]

I would use this as a teaching opportunity to explain what your church believes about baptism and communion. Since "nondenominational" can mean lots of things, there are several possibilities about what your church believes on this.

1) If you're like the Baptists, and you postpone baptism until the child has made a profession of faith, you could say: The Catholics baptize babies, to welcome them into the community of faith as soon as they're born, so your Catholic friends have already been baptized. We wait until people can make their own decision to follow Jesus to baptize them, because we think that decision is really important. After you've been baptized, you can receive communion too. Our church doesn't have a special ceremony for the first time you receive communion, but baptism is very special for us.

2) If you're like the churches that baptize babies and offer them communion as soon as they're able to handle food, you could say: You've been receiving communion since you were a toddler, because our church offers communion to everyone who is baptized. The Catholics want children to understand a little more about communion before they receive it, so they postpone communion until the children are old enough to learn what communion means, and then they have a ceremony to celebrate that. Be happy for them that now they get to receive communion too.

3) If you're like the Quakers, and your church doesn't celebrate communion at all, you could say: For Catholics, communion is a way that people get to be extra close to God. Our church doesn't have communion. We feel extra close to God when we sit in silence and in prayer, and listen quietly to the ways God is present within us.

In summary: Take this as an opportunity to explain to your children what your church teaches and practices, and how these practices help people to be close to God. It sounds like you have difficult emotions about your Catholic upbringing, but if you can, also explain respectfully to your children how the Catholic practices of baptism and communion help people to be close to God.

These are such good responses. I wouldn’t say I have difficult emotions being raised Catholic. I just want to relay information to them without sounding judgmental or discriminatory of other faiths and religious practices. To clarify, the type of Church we attend is gospel preaching Bible based and they do practice like a baptist church

I would use this as a teaching opportunity to explain what your church believes about baptism and communion. Since "nondenominational" can mean lots of things, there are several possibilities about what your church believes on this.

1) If you're like the Baptists, and you postpone baptism until the child has made a profession of faith, you could say: The Catholics baptize babies, to welcome them into the community of faith as soon as they're born, so your Catholic friends have already been baptized. We wait until people can make their own decision to follow Jesus to baptize them, because we think that decision is really important. After you've been baptized, you can receive communion too. Our church doesn't have a special ceremony for the first time you receive communion, but baptism is very special for us.

2) If you're like the churches that baptize babies and offer them communion as soon as they're able to handle food, you could say: You've been receiving communion since you were a toddler, because our church offers communion to everyone who is baptized. The Catholics want children to understand a little more about communion before they receive it, so they postpone communion until the children are old enough to learn what communion means, and then they have a ceremony to celebrate that. Be happy for them that now they get to receive communion too.

3) If you're like the Quakers, and your church doesn't celebrate communion at all, you could say: For Catholics, communion is a way that people get to be extra close to God. Our church doesn't have communion. We feel extra close to God when we sit in silence and in prayer, and listen quietly to the ways God is present within us.

In summary: Take this as an opportunity to explain to your children what your church teaches and practices, and how these practices help people to be close to God. It sounds like you have difficult emotions about your Catholic upbringing, but if you can, also explain respectfully to your children how the Catholic practices of baptism and communion help people to be close to God.

The emotions I have about my Catholic upbringing are centered on flaws within the religious practices vs what the Bible teaches(example..going to a priest for confession when we can actually go straight to God, praying to saints when we should be praying to Jesus, purgatory, etc) Not to say Catholics have wrong intentions bc there are people like Mother Theresa who have done much good in the world. I just feel that I have a closer and better relationship and knowledge of Christ with seeking a nondenominational type church than what the Catholic could give me. I want to be careful not to project my views in a negative, discriminatory or prejudice way to my kids. The way my religious practice works is that we wait until we can make the choice to get baptized. So you can say we practice like what a baptist church would practice but my church doesn’t have baptist in the name. It is basically a gospel based preaching church. Thank you for the responses! Very informative.

 

[Benjamin Müller]

.

I just want to relay information to them without sounding judgmental or discriminatory of other faiths and religious practices.

Truth is truth, whether or not it sounds judgmental or discriminatory, truth is always impartial.

I might suggest using this as an opportunity to teach your children that following truth at all cost is a Christian's duty.

John 4:23-24 "But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."

2 Thessalonians 2:9-12 "The coming of the lawless one will be accompanied by the working of Satan, with every kind of power, sign, and false wonder, and with every wicked deception directed against those who are perishing, because they refused the love of the truth that would have saved them. For this reason God will send them a powerful delusion so that they believe the lie, in order that judgment may come upon all who have disbelieved the truth and delighted in wickedness.

You understand the inner workings of the Catholic Church. If there was a particular doctrine, belief, ritual etc. that the church taught/engaged in which is contrary to Christ don't be afraid to call it out. That isn't being discriminatory or judgmental--it is not our place to judge people, but we can make judgments about false doctrine. That's not an attack on the people who keep it. When teaching make a keen division between the doctrine and the people who observe it.

Not everyone has the same understanding because some are following the traditions of their church or traditions of the family. We all have to come to the truth and we all learn (or unlearn) things in order to come to the truth.

I don't think it's about being judgmental, but rather being humble when you teach your children. Acknowledge that [xyz doctrine] is what you belief because you believe it is in line with God's commandments, but we, as Christians, are ever learning and coming to truth. There are things we are doing that are wrong, but we don't know or understand that yet, but when we do come to that knowledge, we must follow truth and let go of bad doctrines.

We all need to seek out our own salvation with fear and trembling. [Philippians 2:12-13]

As for your children being jealous about the attention, clothes, celebration and money which comes from communion, you'll have to determine as a parent if it's appropriate to correct them on such jealousy, and in what way you might want to do that. Obviously their kids, jealousy and envy is pretty much the norm, so it may not be necessary to discuss it, especially if they are aware jealousy is wrong, but their emotions are just getting in the way. But it's our responsibility as parents to nudge them out of envious or jealous behavior in gentleness, and teach them to be happy for others and expect nothing for ourselves. Even if we've already done that and have done a good job, sometimes we might have to give a reminder lesson here or there, but--again--you'll have to determine whether such a lesson is necessary or wholly unnecessary at this time.

Some verses that come to mind about jealousy/envy would be Exodus 20:17; James 3:14-16; 1 Corinthians 3:3; Hebrews 13:5; Philippians 2:3; Acts 8:18-23; Matthew 6:1; Romans 2:8; Romans 8:5-8

 

[com7fy8]

My daughter’s jealousy comes from a an attention perspective, the clothes, the celebration(parties) involved with it.

So, you can talk with her about what really is worthwhile and what matters to God.

Attention can be a trick. Ones can give you attention, in order to get your favor so then they can use you once they have you supposing they are such great people. So, is the attention flattery and praise, or is it getting attentive care which helps us grow in Jesus and how to love? I now understand that children need to know the difference between someone who can smile all day and give you candy and presents and money, versus someone who has character and good example to go with the smile.

And parties can be a thing which conditions us to go along with people without knowing how real and right they are or not.

"They zealously court you, but for no good; yes, they want to exclude you, that you may be zealous for them." (Galatians 4:17)

This can be done in families, church culture, peer groups, and with predators. Ones treat you like you are so great . . . so you will suppose they are so great. And then they can get you hooked on their approval so then they can use you. There is the "you can use me" act which most any worldly person can put on > talking smart so you feel the person can understand what you want, and being nice so you trust the person to be nice about doing what you want. Even psychopaths can put on this act, and even fool their way all the way into a church group's ministry or priesthood . . . because they put on the acting which church culture people look for and take to mean someone is a fine and trustworthy person!

And ones worldly, then, can try to isolate you . . . to "exclude you", Paul says. So, not only your children, but all of us need to be wise to how ones can use charm and games and money and honey and parties and praise to hook us. But we also need to get real correction by God, so we ourselves are not trying to isolate people so we can control and use them. But learn how to love each and every person >

"For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?" Jesus says in Matthew 5:46.

My sons jealously at the time was motivated by the money from it.

Well, I would say this could mean he needs discipling about what needs to be our reason for what we do. And Jesus Christ's Sermon on the Mount has plenty to help us know not to pray and do charity, even, in order to be praised and get money.

"Freely you have received, freely give," Jesus says in Matthew 10:8.

So, we do well to do things for God gladly and not for money.

"But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition." (1 Timothy 6:9)

I note how this says the problem is the desire to be rich. It does not say being rich is the problem. All it takes is having the desire, and someone can already be in deep emotional and social and spiritual trouble. So, in case he is getting troubled inside himself about wanting money for going to communion . . . may be you can talk with him about how this has him becoming, and how Jesus gives us real love, instead, with His love's "rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-30)

Also FYI, neither of them have yet to be baptized by choice so this is definitely something we can discuss and celebration surrounding that when the time comes.

So, they possibly still need to see how Jesus wants us to live and to love. And as they come to understand this, then they can be ready for baptism with informed commitment.