Warning! The following is a pointless rant courtesy of msjones21.
My mother and I have always had what I consider an interesting relationship. One day we're each other's best friend, the next we're at each other's throats. She and I can never have a deep, civilized conversation. We fought my entire teenage years and up until recently, the arguments were pretty intense. Usually one of us would end up in tears and we wouldn't speak to each other for a few days.
Two years ago myself, the guy I used to live with (back before I had re-dedicated my life to Christ), and my dad cooked up this idea that we should all go into business together. Mine and Lyle's responsibility was to front the financial burden of opening the company and my dad was going to be responsible for all of production. So we opened a print shop and business has been off an on since then. We have good months and we have bad months, but so far we've been able to make payroll and keep the lights on. When Lyle and I split up and we lost touch, the financial backing was gone (since the money was really his life savings in the first place). So obviously there have been a few weeks where we're all sitting around wondering how we're going to make payroll, but God has always come through in the nick of time; however, my mother is constantly badgering me. She has never worked in the company. She stays at home but for some reason she enjoys hounding me about doing my job right. I can't even voice my concerns about making payroll without her saying "well, if you would do your job right and make the collections calls you'd have the money." or "well, I don't care if nobody else gets paid, your father has to draw a paycheck". It really irritates me because she has no idea what I do all day at work (besides hang out on here
j/k). You can't collect money from people who don't have it. I make the annoying once a day calls but the bottom line is, it is solely their responsibility for the checks to be cut. I hate it when she makes it out like it would be my fault if we (by chance) couldn't make payroll. I hate it that everything becomes an argument with her. When I ask her why everything becomes an argument she usually says "we wouldn't argue if you wouldn't start it". Makes it kinda hard to communicate. Not to mention I'm always the one who apologizes first. Just once I wish she would say "I'm sorry for the things I said earlier". She says I always hurt her and it isn't fair to her because she has bent over backwards for me my entire life, but she doesn't realize how badly she hurts me. I try and express my feelings and (of course) it becomes an argument.
I love my mother more than anything and she has been my friend and confidant for so long, but her inability to communicate without becoming critical and defensive makes it really hard to open up. I don't even know how to tell her what I'm feeling because I know it will become a fight.
Anyway, we had a big fight today over the business and we're not speaking so I have no clue what to do. I know I'll end up being the one to step up and say "I'm sorry" but I hate always having to have a reason to apologize. How can I get along with my mother and still have an open line of communication?
My mother and I have always had what I consider an interesting relationship. One day we're each other's best friend, the next we're at each other's throats. She and I can never have a deep, civilized conversation. We fought my entire teenage years and up until recently, the arguments were pretty intense. Usually one of us would end up in tears and we wouldn't speak to each other for a few days.
Two years ago myself, the guy I used to live with (back before I had re-dedicated my life to Christ), and my dad cooked up this idea that we should all go into business together. Mine and Lyle's responsibility was to front the financial burden of opening the company and my dad was going to be responsible for all of production. So we opened a print shop and business has been off an on since then. We have good months and we have bad months, but so far we've been able to make payroll and keep the lights on. When Lyle and I split up and we lost touch, the financial backing was gone (since the money was really his life savings in the first place). So obviously there have been a few weeks where we're all sitting around wondering how we're going to make payroll, but God has always come through in the nick of time; however, my mother is constantly badgering me. She has never worked in the company. She stays at home but for some reason she enjoys hounding me about doing my job right. I can't even voice my concerns about making payroll without her saying "well, if you would do your job right and make the collections calls you'd have the money." or "well, I don't care if nobody else gets paid, your father has to draw a paycheck". It really irritates me because she has no idea what I do all day at work (besides hang out on here
j/k). You can't collect money from people who don't have it. I make the annoying once a day calls but the bottom line is, it is solely their responsibility for the checks to be cut. I hate it when she makes it out like it would be my fault if we (by chance) couldn't make payroll. I hate it that everything becomes an argument with her. When I ask her why everything becomes an argument she usually says "we wouldn't argue if you wouldn't start it". Makes it kinda hard to communicate. Not to mention I'm always the one who apologizes first. Just once I wish she would say "I'm sorry for the things I said earlier". She says I always hurt her and it isn't fair to her because she has bent over backwards for me my entire life, but she doesn't realize how badly she hurts me. I try and express my feelings and (of course) it becomes an argument.I love my mother more than anything and she has been my friend and confidant for so long, but her inability to communicate without becoming critical and defensive makes it really hard to open up. I don't even know how to tell her what I'm feeling because I know it will become a fight.
Anyway, we had a big fight today over the business and we're not speaking so I have no clue what to do. I know I'll end up being the one to step up and say "I'm sorry" but I hate always having to have a reason to apologize. How can I get along with my mother and still have an open line of communication?
's to you! I can at least offer some empathy. I love my mom too, but some days, she knows how to find that one nerve I have left and she likes to dance all over it!
love you xoxo) so I watched it with her. It was actually decent. Basically, the lesson to be learned is that putting yourself in the other person's shoes is no doubt some of the best relationship therapy. If you've tried every method to reach her (which it sounds like you have) then I'd say don't just find a way to cope, look at this situation as a challenge that God has set before you in order for Him to see how well you can show your mom a Christ-like kind of love (inspite of her idiosyncracies). Keep the right perspective-we're here foremost to win people for Christ. It may be the most difficult challenge you tackle especially since in these kind of relationships people expect there to be a tighter love and/or closer understanding present, but all too often there just isn't.
