Grrr

[TheReasoner]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
* Punches and kicks a pillow

Ah, that felt good.

Seriously though. It can be important to let your anger, sorow, etcetera out in a controlled setting. Keeping it all couped up inside will pretty much have the same effect as putting a pressureboiler to boil without a pressure release valve.
Kaboom.

It can be very refreshing from time to time to play paintball, get an axe and chop some wood. Run. Play CounterStrike or Unreal Tournament or something. Just to get it out in a controlled and safe setting where noone gets hurt. I love paintball, cause it makes you feel something. I loved the army, cause you could feel a lot there as well. Running till your legs felt like falling off, lounges felt like bursting... Working out, pushing yourself to the limit. Yet still in a pretty safe environment.
Physical movement and such can be a great release for pain and sorrow. Coupled with counselling, it is very good indeed. IMO

 

[Yasha]

yea.

 

[StarryEyedPea]

hi ya!
good post!
i agree their needs to be an outlet somewhere, and somehow.
and also i think its important to know that there is nothing wrong with actually having anger there. Acknowledging it as an emotion.

and the physical movement thing ... yeah, totally, i tend to go to the gym and do boxecise (brings up a few threads in other forums, like motivation!!) and often leave feeling exhilerated (sp?) .

Anyway, i could go on ... but i wont just at the moment, but thanks for the post .

SEP xx

 

[Ssarl]

I do find it very difficult to outlet - writing is one of the few things that works, because I can be as morbid as I want... I find it very hard to be honest about how mad I am. I diguise it with humour, repress it to the point that I don't even feel it, even though by all reason I should. I'm detached, emotionless, my feelings and my beliefs just don't match up.

I really, really want to be able to cry. To acknowledge my feelings and be bold enough to express them, even just to myself, and then get on with life. I always stop just short of it, though.

When I do get angry, I direct it at myself. I actually crave punishment, and I don't know why, it scares me. I just have this generic feeling that I'm not good enough and I need to be hurt because of it. It is always there and I make excuses so that it makes some sort of sense, I'll take the most ridiculously insignificant fault that I'd forgive a thousand times in anybody else, and use it as justification that I'm evil.

I get most angry when nice things happen to me. I'm just like 'WHY?' then I get into the routine of 'I don't deserve this, I'm such a burden, I cost so much, I have to be hurt to make up for this'. It's complete and utter ****, and I'm tired of it.

I want to end this today. God has been priming me for this, and I reckon there's no time like the present. Cold turkey - from now on, I don't want to loathe myself and live under this stupidly impossible expectation. Today as an experiment I tried basing my judgement on what I know to be true instead of what I feel - it was strange, and difficult, but oh so much more liberating. To actually have room to form an opinion and think that perhaps something in this world might not be hideous!

I want more of that.

 

[TheReasoner]

I do find it very difficult to outlet - writing is one of the few things that works, because I can be as morbid as I want... I find it very hard to be honest about how mad I am. I diguise it with humour, repress it to the point that I don't even feel it, even though by all reason I should. I'm detached, emotionless, my feelings and my beliefs just don't match up.

Mmm. Me too. I wrote a lot when I was down. Note the was. The bad times can be beaten, y'know?! Just takes time and effort. Thankfully God has a very good tendencee to help us if we seek Him

I really, really want to be able to cry. To acknowledge my feelings and be bold enough to express them, even just to myself, and then get on with life. I always stop just short of it, though.

Maybe you should allow yourself to cry. Allow the tears to flow and your heart to utter the pain you feel in some way which does not include anything painful to yourself (or others). Tears have an incredible healing power.

When I do get angry, I direct it at myself. I actually crave punishment, and I don't know why, it scares me. I just have this generic feeling that I'm not good enough and I need to be hurt because of it. It is always there and I make excuses so that it makes some sort of sense, I'll take the most ridiculously insignificant fault that I'd forgive a thousand times in anybody else, and use it as justification that I'm evil.

For what it's worth, this is very common in people who have experienced abuse and bad things in their lifetime. Cutting themselves is quite common. And there are many other ways to do it too. But the one fact remains, despite the pain we feel or have felt - we are not filthy, dirty or worthless. We're still just as valuable as anyone else. We are worth enough for God's son to die for us. God loves us just as much as other people. Even if it you think he couldn't, he really does love you with all of his heart. And that's a lot!

I get most angry when nice things happen to me. I'm just like 'WHY?' then I get into the routine of 'I don't deserve this, I'm such a burden, I cost so much, I have to be hurt to make up for this'. It's complete and utter ****, and I'm tired of it.

I recognize what you're saying from my own life - but think of it this way; When you break free, when you are through this - think of how what you have seen can be a blessing to others. The feeling that you're a burden is probably not shared by others - at least not to the extent you feel. Besides, a lot of people are often very happy to help friends and people around them.

I want to end this today. God has been priming me for this, and I reckon there's no time like the present. Cold turkey - from now on, I don't want to loathe myself and live under this stupidly impossible expectation. Today as an experiment I tried basing my judgement on what I know to be true instead of what I feel - it was strange, and difficult, but oh so much more liberating. To actually have room to form an opinion and think that perhaps something in this world might not be hideous!

I want more of that.

You may struggle for a while. But if you seek help, and work with this, you'll beat it. You'll emerge on the other side of the valley of shadow of death. And you'll be free to enjoy the green pastures. Imagine once you're there, having seen this hardship, you'll be able to enjoy the green pastures so much more than the people who have never seen anything but these pastures.
God bless you!

 

[liquorice]

Im pleased this post is here...

Sometimes i feel very worried and outcast because i have such urges of anger to my abuser. I just need to let it out sometimes, but when i do.. It goes to deep.

 

[StarryEyedPea]

I know that feeling all to well, and something I struggle with majorly!

SEP xx

 

[StarryEyedPea]

ok, so the quote thing didnt quite work! hmmm ....
no idea why, sorry, did i do it wrong? lol!

sep x

 

[TheReasoner]

ok, so the quote thing didnt quite work! hmmm ....
no idea why, sorry, did i do it wrong? lol!

sep x

You lacked a bracket:

<--

 

[StarryEyedPea]

Ohhh, ok, will try and remember that !



sep x