I believe the the Bible teaches that the Holy Spirit indwells believers once and for all. My spirit detects His Spirit always, (at any time I choose to), despite my spiritual condition at the time. Often, He's occupying a cell down in D Block.
When I am filled, I am immediately informed by His Spirit if I commit an infraction even when I do it impulsively, without deliberation or pre-meditation. Once informed, if I don't turn from it right then, His Spirit begins to diminish at that point. If I continue on my own, "living off the glow" but not deliberately moving closer to Him and dealing with the infraction(s), He eventually (usually sooner rather than later) ends up back in D Block. But actually, I am the one in the cold and dark.
I relate to an earlier post that basically says that some believers get no freebies, like throwing coins into a lake, there is never enough of a supply of them to start seeing the mound reach the surface where their presence is seen, not just believed in. This is me, and I'm not much of a bootstrapper spiritually.
When I am completely filled, I have the peace that passeth all understanding, literally, and so is the joy (hence my user name). No faith is required to substantiate His Presence, He is as real to me in those times as my wife is, and just as present, except that it doesn't include audio/visual events.
There are others out there somewhere that know exactly what I am talking about.
In these times, I am truly and completely having a relationship with the Living God. It's a though we had become one as far as our connection is concerned.
I can invite this filling, and take actions that are conducive to it, but even then, this filling seems bestowed, and that it occurs because He has chosen me rather than I have chosen Him, as though I was "called" to receive it. I register different extents of filling. In regard to the bestowing, I'm not talking about becoming filled, and the proportionately greater manifestations of it as it progresses, I'm talking "full", at least as my experience can define it so far. There are "levels" between the extremes. Again, there MUST be others who can relate, I am compelled to write this.
People can't understand how Peter could take a few steps toward Jesus on the water, then sink in fear and disbelief (rebellion), but I can. Or how could he walk with Jesus and witness told and untold manifestations of the Living God before his very eyes, then deny Him 3 times to save himself, but I can. I easily relate to and understand this.
I am a lot like Peter in the fact that I can go from one extreme to the other. And like Peter, I've had a lot of "bestowments" given me that should make staying on the high ground easy, but in reality it's just more coins in the water. I can also relate to and understand that later on, according to tradition, Peter may have requested to be crucified upside down.
Is there an ex-Peter out there? How did you overcome yourself?
Favorite, I certainly identify with everything you said in your post. I also agree with it. I don't understand how I can flip flop the way I do in my walk. Usually I am appalled at what can come out of my mouth from time to time. I too, can understand how Peter switched gears the way he did - I seem to do a lot of that myself. I am not an "ex - Peter" as you called it. I don't know how to remain in that place where as you said when I commit the slightest "infraction" I can feel or hear or sense the HS touching my soul, bringing conviction. It boggles my mind that I ever choose to leave that place. But I do. The flesh is still very strong in me. I was reading Psalm 139 prior to replying to your post. It is one of my favorites. It also seems appropriate to this post.
1 O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when Im far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!
7 I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
8 If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave, you are there.
9 If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
11 I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night
12 but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mothers womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marveloushow well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
17 How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
18 I cant even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!
19 O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!
Get out of my life, you murderers!
20 They blaspheme you;
your enemies misuse your name.
21 O Lord, shouldnt I hate those who hate you?
Shouldnt I despise those who oppose you?
22 Yes, I hate them with total hatred,
for your enemies are my enemies. 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
May the Lord help us both to stay in that place as long as He desires us to be there. God bless you,
Pilgrim