Growing convictions

[chrislife]

I'd never heard the word "quiverfull" before I saw the forum here not too long ago. I've long been a proponent of natural family planning, and in recent years have seen my family grow more than I ever would have expected just five years ago. I had three kids before I remarried, and then suddenly found myself with his two in addition... five!

We had one together, sort of on purpose, sort of just leaving it to God to decide. It really bonded us as one family, turning "yours" and "mine" into "ours." Then we had another, mostly because we were tired of abstaining, but also with a little thought that our little one deserved not to be almost an only child. (The other kids were all so much older that he ran the risk of being the coddled youngest.) Davy and Gracie are, at 3 and 1, extremely close. He's her protector and best friend.

About two or three months ago I started having this nagging feeling that God did not want me being so protective about having more. Give up your will to God, that little voice kept saying at the back of my head. But I was terrified. Not only are we barely making it financially (and I had planned on getting a job as soon as the kids were old enough for preschool!) but I'd had a painful pregnancy and horrific birth experience with my last one. Breech, surprise emergency c-section, near-death from morphine on the operating table, very difficult recovery...

I knew that the local hospital wouldn't allow me to have a regular delivery after a c-section, and the thought of going through it all again gave me night sweats. But I still felt God pushing me to trust Him a lot more.

I hadn't quite given in yet when He arranged for this one that's on the way, but I know with certainty that this is what He had planned.

I am still new to the word quiverfull, and new to giving up control to that extent. I'm scared, but have a sense of conviction. It's kind of like being told to jump off a cliff without a parachute!

Are any of you scared?

---Christina

 

[NoraLeigh]

I was terrified. My situation was quite different. But 3 weeks after I turned 18 I married Zeke. Ten months later I had Ida. Now she's one and I'm having another. It all happened very quickly. I was barely an adult (still a child in many ways) and I was pregnant with Ida. It was a little scary, and exciting at the same time. I wouldn't change it for anything.

I believe you're doing the right thing. I think it's amazing that you are yielding to God, even when you're fearful of the outcome. He'll take care of you, He always does.

 

[jgonz]

Christina, I applaud you for listening to the L-rd, in spite of your past experience. I totally understand (but from a different situation).

Suggestion on your current pregnancy and birth... As both a Doula and La Leche League Leader, I would recommend that you start from scratch educating yourself on natural birth. You were traumatized by your experience and need to heal emotionally...

There is a book, called Birthing From Within that is not Christian (in fact it's rather New Age) but you can tweak it to fit your own needs. It helps moms who've had traumatic birth(s), rape, or other traumas, to heal and work past what's happened to them. I got the book on a recommendation when I was pregnant with #7, but I guess I had worked through what happened with #3 by then and didn't get much out of the book. I have, however, heard Many moms Rave about how much this book helped them. Just a suggestion.

You may also want to look into using a midwife, or at least getting a 2nd opinion from one. Many times what an OB (who is not taught natural birth) considers high risk is looked at as manageable to a midwife. I know several moms who've had c-sections and then gone on to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean)~ but with a midwife at a birthing center, or at home. Even if that's outside your comfort zone, at least getting a 2nd opinion from a midwife might help you put what happened into perspective (plus she might have suggestions on how to avoid what happened, if possible, in the future.)

(((hugs))) and welcome to this forum!

 

[chrislife]

Jgonz, if changing health care providers would make a difference, I'd do it. But it isn't my doctor who's against vbac, it's the hospital. There aren't any alternative birthing centers, or even another hospital that would allow it, anywhere in driving distance. Although all of my births ended up well, there were enough complications that I don't think I could be comfortable delivering at home.

Oddly, once I had talked to my doctor and learned that a c-section was inevitable, I began to come to terms with it. Now if I could just come to terms with the financial anxiety!

Thanks to both you and NoraLeigh for your welcome and understanding.

One question: is "quiverfull" like an official word, or is it something that was created for this board?

---Christina

 

[Sabertooth]

...

One question: is "quiverfull" like an official word, or is it something that was created for this board?

---Christina

It is taken from Psalms 127:4, 5:

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate."

 

[jgonz]

it isn't my doctor who's against vbac, it's the hospital.

Hospitals have regulations and policies, but it's the Doctor who has authority to override those policies. Some doctors won't though, for whatever reasons.

If you're comfortable with a c-section for this baby, then that's what's important. You may still want to discuss what happened with a midwife (just for another viewpoint). Please don't take what I'm saying as pushing... It's just that in my training to be a doula, and then actually having clients, I've learned and seen firsthand that women who had a problem with a previous birth tend to get to That point in the next birth, and lose it. Some freak out, some stop working with the process, some have blood pressure issues, some have other issues. Prayer, and actively working through what happened before will Definately help you to overcome what happened and not open the door to fear. Even if you're fine right now, just keep in mind what I've said because it could creep up on you later in your pregnancy (this way you'll be prepared).

(I'm not sure why it's so strong in my spirit to say these things to you... it's really not normal for me on a message board! Please forgive me if I've stepped on any toes.)

 

[ChristianMama84]

I know how you feel about the financial issues, hon. Right now hubby and I live in a 1968 camper that's 17' of living space. We have cloth diapers, covers, blankets, FIVE onesies for when he's born, a bouncer (gift), a swing (gift), pacifiers, and a breast pump (bought used). My inlaws have promised to buy the bassinet and car seat/stroller combo. We're planning on moving into my inlaws spare bedroom some time soon, but then we'll have to buy a bed. To say we're unprepared financially is an understatement, but God has provided for our needs so far and we are very greatful for that! Now, it has been scary, but when I give it to God He does what needs to be done and He calms my fears.

Now, we didn't intend to get pregnant. I actually believed I was sterile because we didn't use protection at all for two years and two months! Then, the day after Thanksgiving I found out I was eight weeks pregnant and I have never been happier. Was it a bad time? Yes, BUT I wouldn't change it for anything. The struggle has been well worth it.

 

[chrislife]

You people are beautiful!

 

[RoseofLima]

What joy to be expecting again!!!
Everything jgonz wrote to you-- I write, too!!

It is awesome to be open to life where you are at...I myself am struggling in this area, but ultimately I know that God is in control and will watch over me with loving care.

It's one thing to claim "quiverful" with only one or two kids--but a whole different ballgame when there are a bunch.

 

[sparassidae]

Your comment about jumping off a cliff without a parachute- peronally I need to remind myself that we're actually jumping off a cliff with an invisible parachute. It's there, just hard to see or feel sometimes.

When we only had two children we were going through a really hard time financially, and at that point it was hard (impossible?) to see how we could possibly support more. But God has blessed us abundantly over the last few years, PRAISE BE TO HIM!

 

[BananaCake]

I'm terrified, and I'm not even officially QF! I'm pg with the 1st I'm in my 30's and my spouse is 4 years younger, so I probably couldn't have more than 5 or 6 kids even if I tried really, really hard! My spouse isn't completely sold on QF, though he's totally open to it. He came from a bigger family while I didn't. We figure let's get through this birth and then start talking about the next!

 

[chrislife]

It's funny, my husband and I had never heard the phrase "quiverfull" as an adjective. (Yes, we know the scripture, and he likes to say his quiver runneth over!) But we never put a label on ourselves to define our beliefs. I'd never realized there was a "movement" or anything.

We're Catholic, so we don't believe in artificial contraception, and our Church teaches that natural family planning should only be used with "serious" reason. They don't define what constitutes serious, but leave that to the couple to decide.

So we have either used NFP or not used it, till Gracie was conceived, and born a year ago. I was determined never to have another, as long as it was by natural means, till suddenly I found this little voice in the back of my head saying "Well, do you trust your Maker or don't you?" I was almost afraid to mention it to my husband, wondering what his reaction would be.

Wouldn't you know it... when he learned that I was expecting, his only reaction was unreserved joy.

I'm still getting used to remembering what a blessing my husband is.

Now, for anyone who is having doubts or fears, I highly recommend the book by Maria Trapp, the Story of the Trapp Family Singers. (Yes, the family that inspired the movie The Sound of Music.) I'm reading it right now. Not only is it an exciting and fun read, but it's very inspirational about having a big family and about trusting the Lord no matter what the circumstances.

---Christina