iceangel101010 said:
For all those who care, this is Marissa, and i do love this man. I love you always.
Not always. For anyone who cares to read this thread and who knows me, this outraged 15 year old young man was me.
I am Daniel Standish. I dated Marissa Theobald for 6 months. She dumped me on February 20, 2005.
Tears well up in my eyes as I read over these first posts I ever wrote. It is like looking into a time capsule. I see the frightened, frustrated boy I was. And now I am able to see exactly what God's move was.
Remember when I said that this is all like a chess match to me? And that I was confused by God's move here by bringing her into my life? Well I now know exactly what His motive was. God brought us together, so that she would break my heart. By breaking my heart, I now am no longer naive and blinded by love as I once was.
Now I have a beautiful girlfriend, but I made sure she loved me with all her heart before I dated her. And I am willing to accept God's will if He should have us break up in the future.
After I got so mad at you all, after I got so irritated with the news you brought me, you were all very right. And now that almost two years have passed, I apologize to all of you. You were all right. What I was feeling for her was love, but not true love. I thought it was. But what I didn't understand is that
true love ... means
both people love each other. I loved her with all my heart, but unfortunately for the 6 months we dated, she never gave me the time of day.
After 6 months, the day she dumped me, she told me that she only dated me to use me for high grades in her classes. Once the school year was almost over, she dumped me. I know you probably don't want to hear the full story, but for those of you who care, here it is.
I asked Marissa out when we were at a park near my house. The next day we visited the same park again, and she kissed me in her car. I did not want my first kiss to happen ... I meant to kiss her cheek but she literally pulled me down and kissed my lips. Not exactly romantic since I didn't want it to happen.
That same night we drove back to my house and we told my parents. My parents fully supported us. However, her parents would not allow us to date, so we decided to date anyways in secret. I did not want to do this, but Marissa told me that we either dated in secret, or we didn't date at all. Being my first date, I was naive and I agreed to keep it secret at least for now.
Marissa's brother, Austin, went to our school with us. In order to keep our relationship secret, this would mean that we would have to stay on the DL around him.
Marissa was on the colorguard, I was a trumpet player in the marching band. This meant that we went to the shows together and marched in the same performances together. Marissa would never kiss me in public. She would never hold my hand in public. We told all our friends that we were dating, yet she didn't want anyone to see. This made our relationship very difficult seeing how the only time we were together was at school.
We would secretly call each other late a night on the phone and whisper to each other. She had to hide the phone cable in her pillow because her parents would not allow for her to talk to me. I would always stay up waiting for her, but most the time she would fall asleep waiting for me.
One particular night, I asked her what she had ever done sexually with Brandon (her ex who dumped her right before I asked her out). When I heard the results I started shaking violently. I ran out of my bed into my bathroom and puked into the sink. She heard as her boyfriend threw up at the thought of what she had done. There was always a scar in my heart from that moment on.
I forced myself to forgive her and things carried on. Our relationship began to get a little rough. Every other day we would argue about something. It got to the point where every
single day we'd argue. Soon I started to wonder if she loved me at all.
Our marching band called us to a trip to London, England to march for the Queen's New Year's Day Parade. Even in England on our trip, we'd get into fights.
One particular day, we got into an argument and I was so outraged that the entire downstairs of the hotel was watching (all from our marching band). She ran into the elevator and I followed her. When we got to her floor, she slapped me in front of everyone in the Grand Hall. I'll never forget the sound of that hollow echo. It was the first time my girlfriend had ever hit me.
Later on back home in America, things didn't improve. I caught her kissing another guy but I didn't care because I believed that true love would forgive. So I forgave her and moved on. But I didn't realize that she just honestly did not love me and was only using me.
One weekend, she was scheduled to have her wisdom teeth removed. She was so nervous. I held her hand, looked deep into her eyes, and then I comforted her with a kiss. I loved her so incredibly much. She went into the surgery. I prayed for her every single night. I would pray that our relationship would heal. And that God would please point me in the right direction. My parents both saw the way she treated me. They both did not approve of her. And I was mad at them for not seeing things my way.
Marissa woke up from that surgery.
The first thing I ever read from my girlfriend after that surgery, was a long letter dumping me. At first I refused to believe it. But when it finally sank in, I cried and cried and shook for the entirety of the night. I threw up several times and never fell asleep. I cried through all of my classes that next day. I couldn't look at Marissa. She was embarassed whenever I'd cry in our classes. I never did anything to deserve this, and yet it is the way of life.
My good friend Katie was the only one who'd comfort me. Slowly Marissa lost all her friends. All my friends hated her for the way she had treated me these 6 months. All her friends started to hate her for it as well. All in all I stood there completely shattered on shaking knees, utterly heartbroken.
The last school months passed and I forced myself to show her that I could handle life without her. But deep inside me I wanted to die.
I fell to my knees and cried to God, unable to even pray a word. I hated Him. I didn't understand Him. I wanted to literally die. I didn't care.
I post this just to simply get it off my chest. I do not ask for sympathy and do not expect to get any. I just want you all to know that I am a changed man. I am so very glad that God ended our relationship. I am so very glad that God broke my heart. Because now it has shown me how stupid and foolish I was, and has shaped me into the young man I am today.
I have apologized and begged for God's forgiveness for even doubting His wisdom and cursing His holy name. And I want to apologize to all of you for not listening to what you had to say. You were all very right. It was not true love. It was just one of God's stepping stones for my life.
Thank you so much for even reading this. God bless you so very much! Praise be His holy name. Amen.
