Grim Future

[Daniel_Standish]

Well...it started when I met this girl in my english class. We were absolutely nothing more than just friends...she already had a boyfriend...and I thought they both looked cute together and I was happy for both of them. Well one night on AIM, she was really depressed...threatening suicide...hating herself and God and everyone in her life. I had a very long talk with her...about God and His love for her. To make a very long story very short, the more we talked the more we fell in love with each other. Her boyfriend had betrayed her and only thought about sex. He almost raped her. I felt her pain...and I reached out my love for her. I never knew just how much I would come to love her.
Anyway, we have been dating now for only about a week. However, there is something that looms ahead in our future. I will only be here in california for this school year. I will finish this year as a senior in high school...then I will be moving to Florida for college. We both know this. It is hard to know that we will be forced to resume a long-distance relationship in a year. I may never see her again. I may not see her for another 7 years. I am going for a full PHD so I will be in college for about 7 years. I cant live that long without her. I cant even live 3 days without knowing when the next time I will see her is. I dont know what to do. I have prayed to God to help me, and give me strength.
I feel like I am roaming around in the fog blindly...waiting to run into a brick wall. Only now...I can see the brick wall in front of me...and I keep heading straight towards it. I realize that I need to have faith in my Jesus. Faith is just something I struggle with. I just dont know what to do anymore.

 

[fiveinjuly]

Weeping lasts for a night but joy comes in the morning.

When you go through trials count it all joy...

 

[Savageacid]

maybe she could do college in FL too. I dont know what else to say except true love never dies even during tough times... maybe LDR is a good test of strength for the both of you.

 

[EmSchmem]

Daniel,
I know this is not what you want to hear but if it truly is that hard for you to go 3 days witout seeing her there is a problem. You're putting your emotional cart before the horse. The fact of the matter is that you will be on the other side of the country and you WILL need to be able to concentrate. I speak from experience. I had a similar situation with my ex-fiance and we did a darned good job of messing up each other's lives. I would take some steps back from this and make the relationship more casual. It WILL be there either when it is time for her to go to college as well or when you are both done with college! And if it's not, you will find that the woman you marry will be so wonderful. I know exactly what my life would be like if I were still with my ex-fiance. I know how grim THAT life would be.
I know you don't want to hear that you are young but in fact you are. Your profile says 15. 15 is young. I am 26 and I still think I am young. Maturity does factor into it and it sounds like you are pretty mature if you're ready to go off to college next year. Part of maturity as well as part of loving another person is doing what is truly right regardless of how much it hurts. If you feel the way you say you do about her, you are charged with guarding her heart and not just your own.

I am sorry I couldn't tell you that everything will be OK.

Emily

 

[Daniel_Standish]

Emily,
It is your kind of honesty that I am looking for. Thank you so much for being honest with me. I know that life is not always pretty...and sometimes I just really need people to tell me the truth about it. Thank you all so much for your encouraging words.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

You're 15. You're smart, but young. Spend your time as you mature focusing on God, not her. Again, you're 15. Age matters.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

All right everyone...For all of you that wont shut up about my age...I just want you to know that I am mature for my age (I am in no way saying that boastfully). I am a 15-year-old senior in high school. I will be graduating and going on to college next year. Marissa is 17 years old. I am in no way bragging...I am just tired of everyone judging me by my age. They take one look at my profile and go "Ooooh...he's only 15! That explains everything!" Please dont prejudge me. I love my God, and I love Marissa. I pray to Him every single night while in bed. I thank Him for Marissa. Countlessly. Thank you for all your help...but please dont bring my age into the picture. Thank you all very much.

 

[tulipbeliever]

Hmmm Daniel, you have your whole life ahead of you, as do we all here. I want you to remember that God is still shapeing you into the Godly man that you will be. I know that because he is still shapeing me into the Godly woman that I will be. I want to challenge you to keep your prayer for Gods Will to be done in this situation, and really and truely mean it. You have to realize that God does have this situation under control, and it will work out for His will even if you resist. My advice... talk to Him. Tell Him your hearts desires, then let Him do the conforming in you that needs to be done. You and this lady may work out, and then again, God may provide you with a woman that you can't even imagine right now. It is all in Gods Soverign control. Take my favorite verse and study on it. Philippians 4:8-9. This promises that God is a God of peace. Let Him comfort you now, and rest in His strength!

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Smart != mature

I don't doubt that you're more mature than a lot of 17-year-olds. I'm don't doubt that you're more mature than a lot of 22-year-olds, or 40-year-olds for that matter. There are just a lot of immature people in the world.

Age matters very much. It's not prejudice, it's common sense. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you'll be able to handle the fact that you won't be seeing this girl for a number of years and the sooner you'll be able to get over your feelings for her and work on maturing in God.

I understand that a lot of people talk about being mature for a early-teen-year-old very much so because I showed a lot of wisdom and maturity when I was younger. But you know what? I don't know all that much now, and I knew a heck of a lot less then.

 

[desi]

Well...it started when I met this girl in my english class. We were absolutely nothing more than just friends...she already had a boyfriend...and I thought they both looked cute together and I was happy for both of them. Well one night on AIM, she was really depressed...threatening suicide...hating herself and God and everyone in her life. I had a very long talk with her...about God and His love for her. To make a very long story very short, the more we talked the more we fell in love with each other. Her boyfriend had betrayed her and only thought about sex. He almost raped her. I felt her pain...and I reached out my love for her. I never knew just how much I would come to love her.
Anyway, we have been dating now for only about a week. However, there is something that looms ahead in our future. I will only be here in california for this school year. I will finish this year as a senior in high school...then I will be moving to Florida for college. We both know this. It is hard to know that we will be forced to resume a long-distance relationship in a year. I may never see her again. I may not see her for another 7 years. I am going for a full PHD so I will be in college for about 7 years. I cant live that long without her. I cant even live 3 days without knowing when the next time I will see her is. I dont know what to do. I have prayed to God to help me, and give me strength.
I feel like I am roaming around in the fog blindly...waiting to run into a brick wall. Only now...I can see the brick wall in front of me...and I keep heading straight towards it. I realize that I need to have faith in my Jesus. Faith is just something I struggle with. I just dont know what to do anymore.

Don't they have colleges in Cali?

 

[Daniel_Standish]

I am moving to Forida because my family is moving there to live with my mother's side of the family. I do not want to move...but it is not really in my power to do anything right now.

 

[desi]

We'll, if you're a SR in HS you can petition to legally emancipate yourself and do what you want.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

I am only 15 years old...I am turning 16 in a month. I am still too young to live on my own. I am not sure what God's intention is here. I am still learning God's will for my life. I am still being thrown against brick walls. I am still trying to make sense of all this. That is why I am searching for help...and my search has led me here.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

So why complicate your search with a girl?

 

[desi]

I am only 15 years old...I am turning 16 in a month. I am still too young to live on my own. I am not sure what God's intention is here. I am still learning God's will for my life. I am still being thrown against brick walls. I am still trying to make sense of all this. That is why I am searching for help...and my search has led me here.

Two are better than one in many ways. If you know she's the one, there is but one recourse for you...

 

[UWWJedi]

What do you have to lose by trying an LDR? (hear me out) They aren't ideal and those first few months are fierce indeed. However, they can be extremely rewarding. My girlfriend and I grew more in our relationship for each other and God in a couple of months than it had in the year prior. While I would like to live in the same state as my girlfriend, I consider myself blessed beyond belief.

And who's to say you're going to be seperated as long as you are thinking? Maybe one of you transfers after a couple years. Maybe God changes your heart and you don't want a PHD anymore. God does things like that all the time.

Now I'm not gonna say anything about age or maturity or anything like that, but I will say this. God does a lot of shaping our first year of college (for most people). I'm convinced you've got a lot of being shaped yet because I think I've got a lot of shaping left yet. Go with it. God won't lead you astray. Pray friend. What does He have to say about things?

The easiest path is rarely the most rewarding.

"Be happy in your confidence, be patient in trouble, and pray continually." --Rom 12:12

Peace friend.

 

[Living4Him03]

If you are too young to live on your own you are probably too young to be in a serious relationship. I know some people will give me flack for that, but it's usually true. Pray about the situation and leave it in God's hands. He knows best and has the perfect timing...He will be faithful. If you are meant to be with Marissa then God will make it happen. Trust me, at 22 after many relationships and dating many guys, I can tell you that the only way to go about relationships is to leave it in God's hands and develop friendships and wait on the Lord.

 

[Daniel_Standish]

First off, I want to thank you UWWJedi for your words. I think you are right. I just need to have more faith in God because there are still too many variables and things that are subject to change. Thank you all very much.

However, I greatly object to that last statement by Living4Him03. I am only too young to live in my own because I am only 15. What would you have me do? Live on my own? No house, no car, no job? What are you sugesting?!? I am too young to live on my own because of my age...but you can never be too young to have true love for someone. I think it is very selfish for anyone to say that I am too young to have a relationship simply because of my age. Let me ask you a question then: does my age restrict me from ever becoming mature? Are you telling me that as long as I am 15, 16, 17 I will always be immature? Age has little to do with love. Maturity has everything to do with love. If you do not have a mature love, your crush will not last long. I just think people should stop judging me based on how many years I have been alive - and start paying more attention to my situation and how to solve it. Thank you very much for all your input and help.

 

[EmSchmem]

You know Daniel, you may not like it but the people who are calling your age into question are right. There really are things that need to be in place to have a successful relationship. And those things include being able to be on your own. It is fine to ahve the feelings you have and it fine to pursue some level of relationship with her. It isn't fair however to ask her to be in a relationship without being able to marry for eight or so years. It simply isn't. You can only move your relatinship so far in that time and will spend many years at a stand still.
You are defending your age but if you care for her as you say you do and if this IS the true love that you speak of (I do believe that people can know true love at that age by the way) then there needs to be a willingess to listen when people speak into your life about it. Especially when you have asked. Mature or not you are young and at this time you can not marry her. That is fact. Accept it. You need to protect her heart and you are not doing so if you are asking her to be in a 'serious' relationship with you with out the near possibility of marriage. It has NOTHING to do with maturity whether or not you can 'have' a relationship but it does say alot about maturity if you are willingly entering into a relationship despite the facts.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

There are a lot of hormones involved in adolescence that hold us back from maturity in the teenage years. You should be smart enough to know this if you're gonna be in college in the fall. Give it time and keep your focus on God. Don't complicate things with a relationship with a girl.