Grieving, what should I do?

[evamore]

I feel so hurt by my friend that when ever I'm around her. I feel hurt because I noticed that she speaks to me differently to everyone else. She is easily irritated by me, scrutinise every I say by asking question and referring back to what I previously said, and challenges every opinion that I might have. We had a chat about how we communicate with each other, because we both realise that something isn't quiet right.

She said these things;

- I don't trust what you say to me because I feel like your always hiding something from me

- I feel like you have no confidence in what you say

- She is always asking me to speak louder because she couldn't hear me, but I have no problem with anyone else

- She said that sometimes because of my reactions she doesn't feel my giving is genuine

- She said that she feels like I'm lying to her

I'm a really nice, and soft person. When I'm around high maintenance people I tend to just want what pleases them because I'm very easy going. I am please when other people are pleased. I think this frustrates her.

I told her that when she speaks to me that I think she is irritated with me, and she hurts my feeling. She said that it was just her up bringing.

I feel like trust is a fundamental element to relationships, and if my friend doesn't trust my motives, the things I say, and doesn't believe in me then I think this might be the end of a friendship.

Help!! I need advice. Should I end this friendship?

 

[Humble Pie]

She doesn't sound very friendly, for starters she practically called you a liar.

 

[ChrisHolland619]

It sounds to me like you two have no reason to be friends. She obviously doesn't trust you, and doesn't hold a very high opinion of your feelings. She essentially just stated that you're a liar.

...why are you friends, again?

 

[StoneWater]

I feel like trust is a fundamental element to relationships, and if my friend doesn't trust my motives, the things I say, and doesn't believe in me then I think this might be the end of a friendship.

Help!! I need advice. Should I end this friendship?

Unfortunately... if there is no trust, there is no real friendship already.

But we are to love our enemies....


My sister (spiritual) is often the same way. She can be very irritating. She doesn't treat me like anyone else, and sometimes I feel like a complete stranger to her.

Why? Because we have been through such horrible things over the years, and she blames me for all of it. Constantly.

So she is always saying, "You are not special".

Do I believe her? No. Does she believe what she is saying? Why else would she say it??


So... in summa, keep at it, tiger. One day your friend may have a breakthrough from a worm to a butterfly.

 

[OnlyBelieve]

I think ending it would be a shame. You could put her on the "every now and then list". Remember you can't please everyone, and sometimes, we just have to accept people, warts and all. If she rubs you the wrong way, maybe cool it for a while, see what God does.
So darling, I suggest if you want to keep her, learn to be like a duck, let that water slide right off your back and keep enjoying the swim.

God Bless,
Pray for her too..

 

[evamore]

Thanks everyone for sharing, I sincerely appreciate it. I know that trust is everything in a relationship. From what she said I know that our friendship will eventually end. I feel like it would be better for me to end my friendship.

But we've been through so much together, and can't help but care for her like a younger sister. Another reason why I've posted was I was hoping if their is also anything that I could do to build trust back into our friendship.

As an introverted and a thinker, I like to think my thoughts and feeling through before saying anything. My friend is an extrovert and so she has to says what she is thinking at the time, even though that it might be hurtful. This personality difference frustrates her because she doesn't know what I'm thinking/feeling at every moment. But I'm still working it out as well. I know that their are reactive thoughts and feelings, and I just take my time to know how I think and feel about things. Which takes some time.

 

[evamore]

And thank you especially to Stonewater, and OnlyBelieve for your word of encouragement!

 

[OnlyBelieve]

You are welcome darling, I have a few friendships like you're describing, but we are all so different. Thank the Lord he made us that way. Life would certainly be boring if we were all the same.
My mother in law is an extrovert, you can hear her two doors down!! I am basically middle ground, I love entertaining people, but I like to watch them a bit and work out who they are...I am a quick thinker and God has given me great decernment on when to shut up! Less said, easy mended!! I live by it, that and if you can't say anything good then don't say anything at all.
God Bless you
He has a special friend for you, Look up and Live!!

 

[StoneWater]

And thank you especially to Stonewater, and OnlyBelieve for your word of encouragement!

Was getting worried there for a moment...

I am sure things will get better.

 

[parsley]

Strong extroverts tend to respect other extroverts. It's probably nothing about you, but just what you said:

"I'm a really nice, and soft person. When I'm around high maintenance people I tend to just want what pleases them because I'm very easy going. I am please when other people are pleased. I think this frustrates her."

I'm fairly reserved in person, but when around someone who's even more reserved or overly self-effacing, I can get frustrated. I want people to relax and not work to impress me. Since you said it doesn't bother other people, then it's probably just a discomfort for her. And her words have been a discomfort for you.

Just move on. Don't make any formal statements about not being friends -- that will hurt when both of you think back on it, and you'll feel obligated to repair it. Just drift away, or use OnlyB's "every now and then list" tactic.

You will feel differently about yourself if you're not around someone who demeans you. Pick some of the other 7 billion people to spend time with.

 

[evamore]

Thank you for your wise advice Parsley. Lost time you had advices me to give to this friend anonymously through her College and had worked out pleasantly for both of us.

I feel like for this situation I need to justify myself. That I'm not being dishonest with her or myself but trying to work things out. And that the issue isn't communication but personality differences.