grief

[plum]

how do you help your SO with their grieving process? my SO is facing the loss of his father...who is currently in need of much prayer... he is a bitter, angry man who is stubborn beyond all get-out. he is in the hospital with fluid on the lungs, an infection in his abdomen, and he has diabetes, he's on dialiysis, he's had multiple heart attacks... he's just got one health problem after another.
So yes, this man needs prayer for his health, but I'm really concerned about hsi soul and his relationship to G-d. Please pray He finally gives up his heart to the L-rd in surrender and love!

But back to my SO... he told me today that he's not prepared at all for grieving. He's so anxious about hsi dad's death because his mom is also ill, she would be all alone, and she might be unable to care for things herself. My SO is worried that it'll all be "on him" and he will not be able to handle the loss. He's a very emotional guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. He is in the process of applying for jobs in another state and is now having doubts about his ability to move while his dad is sying or even after he dies. I think this is out of worry for his mom again.

yikes. what do i do?

you see, i lost my dad to breast cancer three years ago. so i have empathy upon empathy for many of his feelings of fear and loss... but I'm not sure how to help other than listen, pray, and tell him not to worry (oh how empty that sounds!)

have your SO's gone through grief? how have you handled it as a couple?


sorry that was so long. shalom, you all!

 

[FaithOFtheBroken]

how do you help your SO with their grieving process? my SO is facing the loss of his father...who is currently in need of much prayer... he is a bitter, angry man who is stubborn beyond all get-out. he is in the hospital with fluid on the lungs, an infection in his abdomen, and he has diabetes, he's on dialiysis, he's had multiple heart attacks... he's just got one health problem after another.
So yes, this man needs prayer for his health, but I'm really concerned about hsi soul and his relationship to G-d. Please pray He finally gives up his heart to the L-rd in surrender and love!

But back to my SO... he told me today that he's not prepared at all for grieving. He's so anxious about hsi dad's death because his mom is also ill, she would be all alone, and she might be unable to care for things herself. My SO is worried that it'll all be "on him" and he will not be able to handle the loss. He's a very emotional guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. He is in the process of applying for jobs in another state and is now having doubts about his ability to move while his dad is sying or even after he dies. I think this is out of worry for his mom again.

yikes. what do i do?

you see, i lost my dad to breast cancer three years ago. so i have empathy upon empathy for many of his feelings of fear and loss... but I'm not sure how to help other than listen, pray, and tell him not to worry (oh how empty that sounds!)

have your SO's gone through grief? how have you handled it as a couple?


sorry that was so long. shalom, you all!

First off, I am so sorry to hear of your SO father and his condition. He will be kept in prayer, and as you have pointed out, God is in control. Lets not forget that.

Now, what is the best Christian solution in handling this situation...

Well, I was faced in a life threatening condition for 77days where I was unable to move.... so my perspective is one of Faith, and entirely based upon this.

Your SO sounds like a wonderful person, and for whatever the reason maybe you are in his life for a reason. If this means marriage, or to help him out in this situation, the fact remains that you are there now. Now, how do you handle such a situation...

Well, from my experience, pointing out the fact that you know what he is going through, or can relate because of what you went through may not be the best tactic. Because in all honesety, from my own near death experience, nobody truly knows.

Now, the mindset of letting him know that you are there, as a Christian, I believe is the most valuable thing. Continue in prayer constantly, and know that during this process Satan will do his best to attack both your relationship(If you are helping him draw closer and rely on the Lord) and also attack him personally. Keep in the word daily, hourly etc. Be aware that during this trial, things will be spoken to you out of frustration, anger, and resentment. Do not let this effect your strength in the Lord, or your concern for your SO. Know that this is not from him. Know that the Lord is constantly in control, and as much as we think we know what is best, who is to argue with the creator of the universe for our life plans.

Do not be anxious in anything, or worry, but rely on the Lord in everything! Human nature is to be in control, and when we feel a sense of lost for control we become anxious. I have found that this is almost in direct proportion to our Faith in the Lord. What do we truly have to be anxious over if we are in the Lord and He is in control of our lives? Remind him constantly that God's ultimate picture is not of this time, never has been, and never will be.

Its not just enough to tell him, "Don't worry." You need to show him why in the word. Pray for peace that only the Lord can provide. When doubt enters, remove it with prayer and scripture reading. SHOW HIM WHY WE SHOULD NEVER WORRY.

Listen, Listen, Listen, but DO NOT become a person that he cries to. Lets keep focused on the Lords amazing promise for all of our lives. He is the ultimate healer, deliverer, and anxiety remover, PERIOD.

Hopefully this helped a bit, and I will keep the situation in my prayers. God Bless, stay strong, keep the Faith, and keep in the word!


Sincerely,
Faithofthebroken

 

[plum]

thank you for this insight. definitely all of my evidence for why not to worry comes from Scripture. And he recognizes the truth of it, but he is also used to living in worry much of the time. it was the nature of the manic side of his bipolar. thankfully he has been blessed with new meds that make it much more possible to be calmed and hear both sides of something. I praise G-d so much for it! I hope that it is a tool that can help him better understand the Scriptures on worry and better hear G-d's voice in his life.

 

[Inperfected]

My suggestion would be to ask in married couples... By the sound of your post, you aren't married, but I would suspect many more of them have been through what you are going through now, than us (mostly) younger ones!

 

[sjdennis]

While you are supporting him, make sure that the two of you don't get too close and overstep your physical boundaries. You may find that he comes to you for comfort, to get away from the whole situation, and you become much closer through this experience. This is both good and bad. Good, as it draws you together in preparation for marriage and a life together (if this is your intention as I assume it is, God willing). Bad, as it increases the potential for overly intimate physical contact.

Support him as best you can, but keep this in the back of your mind. Make sure he does not only run to you, but mainly runs to God, and also spends quality time with his mother.

 

[invisiblebabe]

thank you for this insight. definitely all of my evidence for why not to worry comes from Scripture. And he recognizes the truth of it, but he is also used to living in worry much of the time. it was the nature of the manic side of his bipolar. thankfully he has been blessed with new meds that make it much more possible to be calmed and hear both sides of something. I praise G-d so much for it! I hope that it is a tool that can help him better understand the Scriptures on worry and better hear G-d's voice in his life.

i can relate about the bipolar stuff, as i have bipolar that doesn't respond to meds, among anxiety disorder and other conditions. having someone tell me "don't worry" comes across to me personally as invalidating, and not accepting the nature of my condition - i can't control my emotions anywhere near the way that 'normal' people can. he may or may not feel the same way i do, about being told not to worry... i guess my advice is to just be sensitive to his needs and ask him what he needs before saying or doing anything. some people need more advice when they are worrying, and others just need a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

i am so glad that his new meds help him so much praise Him.

listening and prayer does wonders, really. you seem like a very open and accepting person, and i think your presence alone will be a huge comfort to him.

i would also suggest that he talk to a pastor and/or therapist, in addition to you, if at all possible (if he already isn't currently doing so).

i'm praying for his father, for him, and for you.

-kayli

 

[plum]

thanks very much, again!

So his father came home from the hospital yesterday. He responded to the meds for his infection and he is out of the deep water for now. I pray and hope that G-d will use this extra time to reach his heart and melt it like wax in the presence of G-d's grace and love. Even for an 'old stubborn Mexican' (as my boyfriend puts it), there is a chance for G-d's radical power and revolutionary reign.