Grief versus Self-pity

[dms1972]

Grief is a multifaceted and necessary emotional response that follows in the wake of any major loss of someone or something which one has formed an affection towards. It can continue through stages over a prolonged period of time. There are books that describe these and this thread is not attempt to explain grief but to shows its differences from self-pity.

In depression self-pity can come to dominate and become debilitating.

The following is not my own explanation but from Rev Clay McLean. I find it helpful and hope others will find that a clear distinguishing of these will be of value.

 

[Restoresmysoul]

Thank you for your words brother. Perhaps there is a time even for self pity. Sometimes no one can share our bitterness, so self pity is our only comfort. But there is also a time to get out of that place and find joy again.


Proverbs 14:10 The heart knows its own bitterness,
and no stranger shares its joy.

Ecclesiastes 3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

 

[dms1972]

I disagree, though it may be that you define it differently or maybe are refering something that is more like resignation in the face of things we can't change.

But to me self-pity is one of the most erroding things there is. It only provides an illusion of comfort, it isolates and wars against the good that is longed for, but missing. Sadness and joy there are times for. Self-pity wallowed in will eventually lead to self-hatred, the two often alternate. I see no good thing in it at all.

That's why the article I posted doesn't say suffer-in-silence - keep that stiff upper lip boy - we'll make a man of you. It contrasts and distinguishes healthy ways to communicate loss and pain without becoming mired.

Its not as easy to just step back on the path to joy again after a bit.


Joy is not the continual emotion of a christian or every christian. And to be honest I see this too people full of joy then shortly later down in the dumps. Some degree of emotionally stablity and sustainability is part of growing as a christian too surely, and promised?

I think people are excessively prone to it because they too quickly think or conclude that they have blown it with God. The Holy Spirit is the Comforter of God's people amongst other things - it denies Him this work if we think self-pity is our only comfort. Jesus wanted to console Jerusalem - but they would have none of it. This grieved the Lord.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Is this thread directly related to people/persons with diagnosed depression or a normal person w/o depression?

Although all people deal with 'grief' I would not think that this would commonly be an overriding emotion linked with depression.

I do not see this as a valid argument as 'self pity' is an often felt emotion, whereas 'grief' is not an often felt emotion within depressed. If this is not related to depression, please move. Thanks.

 

[dms1972]

The thread is an attempt to distinguish two things that look similiar but that take people in different directions quite often. Not to argue but to distinguish.

If it needs moved please move, but its was with communication of distress I had in mind because there is more than one way to do this - and sometimes people find it helps and other times that it hasn't.

My premise is that there are two things which need distinguished, not that there is only one or two emotions connected to depression - with one of those being valid and the other one not. There are clearly several emotions connected with the grieving process.

But grief has stages it is being recognised, its not a simple feeling, or passing mood.

Most emotions are not experienced in depression.

The thread is not about which emotions are felt more often but about whether there are constructive ways forward that avoid the suffer-in-silence and don't show any emotion strategies, or telling people to show emotions that are not there yet, and also to avoid becoming stuck.

In addition I find it helpful to see the difference between a process that is healing but is not pleasant to go through, and one that just takes me in circles. I can recognise where I am at that way.

Self-pity is often together with depression, but it is more attitudinal even though still something felt, and less an emotional response.

Both grief and depression are loss related. Both can overlap somewhat. The main thing in depression is that its more of a state of non-feeling of emotions.

Depression is sometimes what takes the place of emotional processing.

It really depends what is underlying a depression for each person, and that won't be the same for everyone.

As with everything in an internet forum some might find it helpful, others will skip it because its not something they relate to.

But I agree with moving if others think it is in the wrong place.