Gratitude:honoring our parents

[Cassiopeia]

Today, I had a humbling experience. Someone told me that he was so impressed that I could bake bread the way I do. He started out by saying that he always thought his mother was the best cook in the world until he had my bread and the different ways I have of making that and for the various things I do like canning and such.

I told him that I am sure his mother is the best cook in the world. Then it made me pause to think about how I know how to do what I do. It was because of my mother, my step-mother, my grandmother, my ex-husband's mother. Every one of them taught me valuable skills and their mother's before them as well.

My heart swelled with gratitude and I wondered if I give them enough praise. Particularly my ex-mother-in-law. She gave birth to ten children, raised them on a dairy farm while working a full time job and teaching all the ladies in her community about how to do baking and gardening, sewing, cooking, canning. All the while doing this along with so many of her own hobbies.

I thought I would post my thoughts to you today and ask for your thoughts. Certainly this is ONE thing all of us have in common: the women and men who raised us and what they taught us that we carry with us today. Please, share with us some of the wonderful things you are grateful for concerning your mothers and fathers. What traditions did they hand down to you that you will hand down to your children?

~Casi~(I hope you will all participate in honoring our parents today)

 

[Snowbunny]

I love my parents... I really miss them. When we just got married I convinced my husband to move to Kiawah instead of Charleston the city, so I lived right down the street from my parents and I got to have lunch with mom every day, daddy used to come over all the time to see how we were and it was wonderful... but now that school started I moved back up to Manhattan and I can't see them as much...

As soon as Dave starts law school I'm going to be all alone most of the day again...

 

[Cassiopeia]

I love my parents... I really miss them. When we just got married I convinced my husband to move to Kiawah instead of Charleston the city, so I lived right down the street from my parents and I got to have lunch with mom every day, daddy used to come over all the time to see how we were and it was wonderful... but now that school started I moved back up to Manhattan and I can't see them as much...

As soon as Dave starts law school I'm going to be all alone most of the day again...

Aww...I am sure you will miss them. It will make seeing them when you can all the more important.

Thanks for participating

~Casi~

 

[Futuwwa]

I've never really been overly attached to my family. Of course I love them, but I don't remember a single instance of having missed them since I moved away from home. I've always been something of a loner. I was the kid which didn't play with the other kids.

Of course, I respect my parents and try to help them in any way I can. Part out of religious duty, and part out of a realization of how much I really owe them.

As for skills and traditions to pass down, can't think of any.

 

[arunma]

I certainly believe in honoring my parents. More than that I believe in loving them as I love God. Oh sure, we don't always get along, as is true of all parents and children. But my parents have given me immeasurable grace by means of raising me, thus fulfilling the Scripture, "For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children." (2 Corinthians 12:14). Therefore, I always make sure that I have a good relationship with my parents, and that I give thanks to the Lord for them. I usually talk to my parents at least once every day (yes I know, that's excessive by American standards). They only live about 80 miles away, so I also try to visit them often. To whatever extent that it is possible, I think that everyone should maintain a close relationship with his or her parents. We often fail to recognize how much our parents have done for us.

 

[Cassiopeia]

Perhaps I am not able to convey in my writing what it is I am looking for us to discuss. This is not thread that should be used for debating how we honor or parents, if we should or not. This thread is to share with others about how our parents HAVE enriched our lives and what they have taught us that we will hand down to our children.

For example: My mother-in-law taught me all the domestic skills that she learned through her community and the LDS church. Those skills included: gardening, canning, sewing, how to re-apolster a couch, bread making and the list goes on.

My Italian father taught me through his own humor how to laugh and smile through adversity. This was his favorite song:
“Smile”

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

My father died last year without saying a word to me, he was angry with me and had disowned me for the 5th time. However, I will not forget the lessons he taught me which were to smile in the midst of it all, not to take myself so seriously and to laugh at myself, to live life and to be the best person I could be without excuse or shame.

My mother who lives today inspite of being diagnosed with ovarian cancer 13 years ago has taught me the meaning of unwavering faith when she told me that fateful day when she realised they were only giving her 3 months to live, "The Lord has much left for me to do, it isn't my time to go and it is in him I place my faith and my life."

To my step-parents who taught me the meaning of unconditional love and acceptance and their families for always making me feel a part of them.

To my grandparents who taught me laughter, love and persaverance. My step-grandmother who taught me the blessing of her quiet faith in Jesus. Her humility in service to her family and friends set the standard by which I live.

I could go on but these are just SOME of the things I will pass on to my children and above all else, without fail, all parents and grandparents taught me to respect and honor all of God's children no matter what their walk in life and faith is.

May they be blessed and happy in their resting places and know that they are loved and honored this day by one who loves and misses them so.

~Casi~

 

[arunma]

Perhaps I am not able to convey in my writing what it is I am looking for us to discuss. This is not thread that should be used for debating how we honor or parents, if we should or not. This thread is to share with others about how our parents HAVE enriched our lives and what they have taught us that we will hand down to our children.

My parents have taught me too much to fit into a single post (or even a series of posts), so I'll pick a couple of "big" things.

The first thing my parents have taught me was the value of religiosity. Now, they didn't raise me specifically in the Christian religion. But they did teach me the importance of believing in a Creator God, and believing that he is Sovereign. They accomplished this so well that I can say, with confidence, that there was no point in my life at which I did not believe in God. This, along with the Gospel of Christ, and of course God himself, has given me a very strong faith. And I know that I wouldn't have this without my parents' influence. Even to this day, they encourage me to continue to be a faithful Christian. The other important thing my parents have taught me is the value of education. They have imparted to me the lesson that there is nothing more important to life than to be well-educated. Because of this I have always maintained an interest in reading a good deal of literature (mostly science). And whatever knowledge I possess I also credit to my parents' influence.

Anyway, these are a couple of important lessons that I would most definitely "hand down" to the next generation.

 

[Cassiopeia]

My parents have taught me too much to fit into a single post (or even a series of posts), so I'll pick a couple of "big" things.

The first thing my parents have taught me was the value of religiosity. Now, they didn't raise me specifically in the Christian religion. But they did teach me the importance of believing in a Creator God, and believing that he is Sovereign. They accomplished this so well that I can say, with confidence, that there was no point in my life at which I did not believe in God. This, along with the Gospel of Christ, and of course God himself, has given me a very strong faith. And I know that I wouldn't have this without my parents' influence. Even to this day, they encourage me to continue to be a faithful Christian. The other important thing my parents have taught me is the value of education. They have imparted to me the lesson that there is nothing more important to life than to be well-educated. Because of this I have always maintained an interest in reading a good deal of literature (mostly science). And whatever knowledge I possess I also credit to my parents' influence.

Anyway, these are a couple of important lessons that I would most definitely "hand down" to the next generation.

Thank you arunma, this is what I am wanting to talk about I have to say my ex husband's family were amazing on the subject of education. They raised 10 kids and every single one of them have bachelor's degrees even though they were raised on a dairy farm.

I am passing this tradition to my children as well and not only because of their father's example but I am even at 48 enrolled at the college and in two more semesters will have my associates degree so I can move on to a 4 year school for my bachelor's. It is never too late to learn

 

[rhyddid_rose]

Hail and Greetings

On first glance, I thought I was not qualified to answer this question; after thinking about it, I realise I can.

What I learned from my mother is how not to treat people, especially children and people who are different. I was not close to either parent. When I wasn't in school, I was shipped away from them in summer. As an adult, I swore to never treat anyone the way I was treated as a child. I dont want to be like my mother and imitate her bad qualities. I do not wish to give up on life and people. I want to help others.

Another thing I learned was not to let fear and superstition make you vulnerable. I learned about forgiveness from being unforgiven, I learned about courage by overcoming fear. My mother taught me to do the opposite of what she did.

It took me a LONG time to understand and forgive my parents. It is one of the hardest things I had to do, but one must go forward. I cant change the past, but I can learn in the present how to see the future with hope.

Hail Heimdall,

Babochka

 

[Cassiopeia]

Hail and Greetings

On first glance, I thought I was not qualified to answer this question; after thinking about it, I realise I can.

What I learned from my mother is how not to treat people, especially children and people who are different. I was not close to either parent. When I wasn't in school, I was shipped away from them in summer. As an adult, I swore to never treat anyone the way I was treated as a child. I dont want to be like my mother and imitate her bad qualities. I do not wish to give up on life and people. I want to help others.

Another thing I learned was not to let fear and superstition make you vulnerable. I learned about forgiveness from being unforgiven, I learned about courage by overcoming fear. My mother taught me to do the opposite of what she did.

It took me a LONG time to understand and forgive my parents. It is one of the hardest things I had to do, but one must go forward. I cant change the past, but I can learn in the present how to see the future with hope.

Hail Heimdall,

Babochka

I empathise with your feelings Babochka. I have had a difficult time with my parents as well. However, I am asking you to look past the pain and sorrow to find something in a positive way to honor them.

~Casi~

 

[ALRAJY]

(AL-Isra 17:23-24)
"Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word Of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms Of honor. And Out of kindness, lower to them the wing Of humility, and say, "my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in Childhood"​

All religions and all Societies have given parents an Honorable status. From a purely material viewpoint, we Find Ourselves Indebted to Our Parents, particularly Our Mother. She not Only nourished us in Her womb, but went through Pain and Suffering. She Loved us even before we were Born. She toiled when we were totally Helpless Infants. She spent Sleepless nights caring For us. Our Parents as a team provided For all Our needs: physical, educational, Psychological, and in many Instances, religious, Moral, and Spiritual. Our Indebtedness to Our parents is so Immense that it is not possible to repay It Fully. In lieu of this, it becomes Obligatory For us to Show the utmost Kindness, Respect, and Obedience to Our Parents. The Position Of parents, and the mutual obligations and Tesponsibilities, have been addressed in Islam in great detail. The Qur'anic commandments, as well as the sayings Of Prophet Muhammad guide Us in this matter. The parent-Child code Of behavior in Islam is Unique, since rules were laid down by divine command.​

References to parents have been made at least 15 times in the Holy Qur'an. There are numerous traditions of the Prophet Muhammad On this subject. I will first quote some of the Qur'anic verses here:​

(Luqman 31:14) "And We have enjoined On man (to be good) to His parents. In travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in two years was his weaning. Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents; to Me is thy Final goal"​

According to the above verse, Gratitude to GOD and to parents go Hand in Hand. Gratitude to GOD is Incomplete without Ghowing gratitude to One's parents. Since being grateful to GOD is a Form Of ibadah (worship) which earns heavenly rewards, It can therefore be said that being grateful to One's parents also earns heavenly rewards.​

(AL-Ahqaf 46:15) "We have enjoined On man Kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him Birth"

Thus, GOD has enjoined On us to Show kindness, respect, and Humility to Our parents. We are commanded to do this, even though they may have Injured us. The Only exception to the above command is made in the Following verse:​

(AL-Ankaboot 29:8) "We have enjoined On man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything Of which thou hast no knowledge, Obey them not" ​

Some Of the traditions Of Prophet Muhammad, and Of the learned members Of His Family, about our responsibilities toward Our parents are quoted here:​

"Paradise lies under the feet of the mother"​

"He who wishes to enter Paradise through its best door must please His parents"
"If a person Looks with Love at his parents, God writes in His favor the reward equal to the performance Of one Hajj"

[Someone asked, "will this promise be good if one looks at his parents one hundred times a day?" The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, "even if one does so a hundred thousand times a day, God gives the reward accordingly"]
​

Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (A.S.) the Great-great-grandson of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is reported to have quoted Imam Ali (A.S.) that "Disobedience to parents is a Major sin" He also stated that "If a person looks at the Face of His Or Her parents with wrathful eyes, despite the fact that injustice was done to Him or Her by the parents, His or Her salah (prayer) will not be accepted by God"​

According to One of the Hadith-e-Qudsi, the following is reported about the status Of parents "God has commanded that If anybody prays Equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no Good if that person has been cursed by His or Her parents"​

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is reported to have said: "On the Day of Judgment, my person will not be seen by those who drank liquor, those who on Hearing my name did not invoke the blessings of God on me, or those who were cursed and disowned by their Parents"​

Ali ibn al-Husain (A.S.) is reported to have said: "The right Of your mother On you is that you should know that Nobody could endure the trouble and the conditions under which She protected you and nourished you with the Juice Of Her life, and tried with Her heart and Soul to Satisfy all your needs in relation to Hunger, thirst, dress, etc. She passed sleepless nights, Suffering anxieties. She provided you with Shelter against Heat and cold, and protected you From ailments. It is not possible For you to Compensate Her, or thank Her enough For all the services, except that God may give you guidance For that. The right Of your Father On you is that you Should know that it is He who brought you Into existence, and you are a branch Of the tree of His life"​

A person Once asked the Holy Prophet "Who has the greatest claim On me with regard to service and kind treatment?" The Holy Prophet replied, "Your mother and again your Mother and once again your Mother. After Her is the claim Of your father, then that Of your near relatives, and then Of the relations next to them"

This Shows that the claim of a mother is greater than a Father Over the care that you endow upon them in their old age. Serving and Obeying parents is a matter of give and take. Those who treat and obey their parents can rest assured that their Children will also show kindness and compassion to them. Respecting and caring the Parents is a virtue of the highest order that Continues to transcend generation after generation.​

Let us pray to GOD that He guide us to be respectful, Kind, and Obedient to Our parents, and that we continue to show them Humility regardless of the power, position, wealth, and Influence we may possess. Let us also pray that we be Patient, kind, thoughtful, and Friendly with Our children, as we Guide them through their lives, and that we discharge Our responsibilities towards them as required by Our religion, So that God may be pleased with us, and may He Bless and reward Us, both in this world and in the Hereafter; Ameen


Kind Regards​

 

[Cassiopeia]

You know that is JUST RUDE! This sort of blantant going off-topic is just offensive. This is not what I am asking for us to discuss. Please read the OP again and subsequent posts to understand what is being asked of you. Your post is off-topic and not appreicated.

EVERYONE...please stay on topic and remember this is not a thread for religious debate it is a thread for discussing what our parents have taught us that we are grateful for and will pass on to our children.

Thank you
~Casi~

 

[Cassiopeia]

bump

you mean to tell me this is all the people we have to hear from on this subject? come on ppl where is the gratitude

 

[TooCurious]

My mother has done a lot for me in my life, but one of the most significant things, I think, was instilling in me a love of reading. I can't begin to count how many hours of my early childhood were spent sitting with my mother listening to her read to me. We'd go to the library and come home with armloads of books. I could read fluently by the time I entered kindergarten, just from watching and listening to her read aloud to me. To this day, my taste in books overlaps significantly with my mother's. When and if I ever have kids, reading aloud is going to be one of the things I'll always make time to do.

Some of the strongest memories I have of my grandmother are of being in the kitchen with her, helping her cook or bake. I've always enjoyed cooking (even though my mother doesn't), and I think a large part of the reason for that is the time I spent with my grandmother. I've learned, or reconstructed, several of my favorite recipes of hers, and my friends all speak highly of "my grandmother's spaghetti sauce." Even though she died when I was ten, she gave me those basic skills, and the enjoyment of using them, and the time we spent together while I learned them. That's something else I'd like to pass on, if I ever have kids.

 

[rhyddid_rose]

Hail and Greetings

I empathise with your feelings Babochka. I have had a difficult time with my parents as well. However, I am asking you to look past the pain and sorrow to find something in a positive way to honor them.

A positive way to honour them?

Re-read what I posted earlier.

Honour is not quite the word I would use. I am grateful that I am alive and they took care of me when I was an infant, toddler and child. I show that gratitude by being a SURVIVOR and not a VICTIM anymore. I'm here when I'm not supposed to be here.

Despite the bipolar that runs in my family and the denial of it.

Despite the neglect, isolation, fear and humilation.

Despite the violence and loss of identity and memories, I'm still here!

The best way that I can 'honour' my parents is survive and to learn to forgive and maybe one day learn what love really is. I want to finish school and work again and contribute to society. I want to help others and learn more about spirituality and Nature.

Casi, if I could have children, that is what I would pass down to them, how to survive without being defeated by events and circumstances. I dont want children because I am bipolar and I am dissociative. I dont want to pass that to them. I would want my children to have an even chance and not start off badly. I dont want them to suffer like I did. I would be afraid that I would not be a good parent to them.

I am closer to my father than my mother. My father encouraged my musical abilites and purchased my clarinet. I love music and I enjoyed singing tenor in the choir of the church I last attended.

Hail Heimdall,

Babochka

 

[Cassiopeia]

How can I word this? I do not want to hear about the horrors that were ours in growing up. This thread is to focus on the positive. To bring us up not bring us down.

To encourage us to find SOMETHING good no matter how small in our parents OR grandparents that we will give to our children. We have a diverse group of religious people here...I am interested in positive traditions.

Thank you
~Casi~

 

[Eponine]

My mom and dad have taught me many things. My mom has taught me how to maintain a house in working order... the usual cooking, cleaning, and a bit of sewing, though I must confess I am rather inept in that particular area. She has also attempted to teach me how to get along with others, and particularly people in authority. I must confess I am also rather lacking in that department, though I have improved.

My father has given me an interest in current events and taught me the importance of being involved in the politics of my nation. There was never any question about whether or not I am going to vote when I turn 18 in a year: of course I am, and even better, I will be an informed voter. Oh yes, he also taught me about seeing through the political bickering to the actual facts and making an informed decision for myself.

And both my parents have handed down several family traditions, such as making the birthday boy or girl guess what they're going to do with their present before opening it and our special Christmas prayer where everybody says one hope they have for the person next to them as they light the person's candle.

 

[arunma]

To encourage us to find SOMETHING good no matter how small in our parents OR grandparents that we will give to our children. We have a diverse group of religious people here...I am interested in positive traditions.

Grandparents too? Although my grandparents lived with me for a good portion of my life (we Indians do the extended family thing), I can't say that they had too much of an impact on me. But when I was in grade school, they did have a strange practice of taking me on walks around the neighborhood during the summer months, and visiting the various garage sales that were open at the time. I suppose that's a small "tradition" that I'd like to pass on.

I know, a lame and anti-climactic story.

 

[Cassiopeia]

My mom and dad have taught me many things. My mom has taught me how to maintain a house in working order... the usual cooking, cleaning, and a bit of sewing, though I must confess I am rather inept in that particular area. She has also attempted to teach me how to get along with others, and particularly people in authority. I must confess I am also rather lacking in that department, though I have improved.

My father has given me an interest in current events and taught me the importance of being involved in the politics of my nation. There was never any question about whether or not I am going to vote when I turn 18 in a year: of course I am, and even better, I will be an informed voter. Oh yes, he also taught me about seeing through the political bickering to the actual facts and making an informed decision for myself.

And both my parents have handed down several family traditions, such as making the birthday boy or girl guess what they're going to do with their present before opening it and our special Christmas prayer where everybody says one hope they have for the person next to them as they light the person's candle.

What beautiful and wonderful traditions. Knowing how to discern what is true and what is not is really a precious gift your father has given you.

That sounds like a GREAT Christmas tradition...mind if I borrow it?

Thank you for contributing.

~Casi~

 

[Cassiopeia]

Grandparents too? Although my grandparents lived with me for a good portion of my life (we Indians do the extended family thing), I can't say that they had too much of an impact on me. But when I was in grade school, they did have a strange practice of taking me on walks around the neighborhood during the summer months, and visiting the various garage sales that were open at the time. I suppose that's a small "tradition" that I'd like to pass on.

I know, a lame and anti-climactic story.

Are you a Native American or is your family from India?

That is not lame story. I used to sit with my grandfather when I would visit my father in upstate NY. The summer home had a community of families that would make up teams and play baseball. My grandfather would teach me how to box (so the boys would know better than to get fresh with me) and teach me Italian.