Grandchildren, or the lack thereof

[DawnInVirginia]

I'm not certain this is the right area to post this question. If not, please feel free to move it.

What causes that deep need to grandchildren some of us have? I find myself disappointed and saddened that my children son age 30 and daughter 27 have no desire to have children - ever. My son who is unmarried, isn't dating, let alone interested in marriage and feels the world is "over populated enough", and does not want children. Our daughter, who has a good heart, also doesn't want children, and is very honest in that she doesn't want the responsibility. This may be a good thing, since she can't seem to be responsible for her own day to day affairs.

Today I came across a photo of my late parents, tucked away in a book; taken when they were dating during WWII. As I'm safely putting it away in the family photo album, I couldn't help but think all the photos of my parents, grandparents and even great great grandparents, and most of the sentimental family heirlooms (wedding dress, Marine uniform, love letters, china, etc.) will more than likely be in a landfill in another 50 years - and that saddens me greatly. And those precious encounters of making cookies with grandchildren, teaching them to garden, reading Bible stories to them, the sticky, pudgy little hand in mine and the sloppy kisses will never happen.

So the deep desire for grandchildren? I asked my husband how he feels and he just shrugged and said, "It would be nice to have them around for a visit during the holidays, but it doesn't matter one way or the other." Spoke with a male cousin and he said, "Forget about it. Get a couple of lap dogs, travel and blow the kids inheritance......these kids are all spoiled brats anyway!" Ugh, ok.

I'm hoping this deep desire for grandchildren will pass.

Can anyone relate? Thoughts?

 

[faroukfarouk]

I'm not certain this is the right area to post this question. If not, please feel free to move it.

What causes that deep need to grandchildren some of us have? I find myself disappointed and saddened that my children son age 30 and daughter 27 have no desire to have children - ever. My son who is unmarried, isn't dating, let alone interested in marriage and feels the world is "over populated enough", and does not want children. Our daughter, who has a good heart, also doesn't want children, and is very honest in that she doesn't want the responsibility. This may be a good thing, since she can't seem to be responsible for her own day to day affairs.

Today I came across a photo of my late parents, tucked away in a book; taken when they were dating during WWII. As I'm safely putting it away in the family photo album, I couldn't help but think all the photos of my parents, grandparents and even great great grandparents, and most of the sentimental family heirlooms (wedding dress, Marine uniform, love letters, china, etc.) will more than likely be in a landfill in another 50 years - and that saddens me greatly. And those precious encounters of making cookies with grandchildren, teaching them to garden, reading Bible stories to them, the sticky, pudgy little hand in mine and the sloppy kisses will never happen.

So the deep desire for grandchildren? I asked my husband how he feels and he just shrugged and said, "It would be nice to have them around for a visit during the holidays, but it doesn't matter one way or the other." Spoke with a male cousin and he said, "Forget about it. Get a couple of lap dogs, travel and blow the kids inheritance......these kids are all spoiled brats anyway!" Ugh, ok.

I'm hoping this deep desire for grandchildren will pass.

Can anyone relate? Thoughts?

Hi there; it's true that Israel in the Old Testament had a strong means of defence by children being born. 'A name in Israel' was an important thing. In New Testament times the new birth in Christ is spiritual (John 3.16), not physical.

It's a natural desire to want grandchildren.

But of course when you and dh had your children, this was on your initiative rather than on your children's initiative. The same really applied to the situation with your children.

There may be reasons that your daughter admits to about why kids may not be expected any time soon; and there may also be reasons that you don't know about. Some of those hidden reasons may be deeply concealed and they don't really concern anyone else apart from the couple themselves.

If you like being around young children, I am sure that in the meantime there may be people connected with a local church who from time to time might eventually appreciate friendship and a bit of help with their children in some way or another; if this is seen as a service to the Lord, then this is really good.

 

[DawnInVirginia]

I've been a pretty regular Sunday nursery helper and VBS helper. At times it feeds that need for "little people" and their sweet spirit, but there are times, I must admit my heart aches when Grandma shows up and they rush to her with open arms.

 

[Maria.V.H]

I'm not certain this is the right area to post this question. If not, please feel free to move it.

What causes that deep need to grandchildren some of us have? I find myself disappointed and saddened that my children son age 30 and daughter 27 have no desire to have children - ever. My son who is unmarried, isn't dating, let alone interested in marriage and feels the world is "over populated enough", and does not want children. Our daughter, who has a good heart, also doesn't want children, and is very honest in that she doesn't want the responsibility. This may be a good thing, since she can't seem to be responsible for her own day to day affairs.

Today I came across a photo of my late parents, tucked away in a book; taken when they were dating during WWII. As I'm safely putting it away in the family photo album, I couldn't help but think all the photos of my parents, grandparents and even great great grandparents, and most of the sentimental family heirlooms (wedding dress, Marine uniform, love letters, china, etc.) will more than likely be in a landfill in another 50 years - and that saddens me greatly. And those precious encounters of making cookies with grandchildren, teaching them to garden, reading Bible stories to them, the sticky, pudgy little hand in mine and the sloppy kisses will never happen.

So the deep desire for grandchildren? I asked my husband how he feels and he just shrugged and said, "It would be nice to have them around for a visit during the holidays, but it doesn't matter one way or the other." Spoke with a male cousin and he said, "Forget about it. Get a couple of lap dogs, travel and blow the kids inheritance......these kids are all spoiled brats anyway!" Ugh, ok.

I'm hoping this deep desire for grandchildren will pass.

Can anyone relate? Thoughts?

What a beautiful and honest post. I can relate to both sides. I don´t have kids myself, not because i don´t want to, but because i´m scared if i will be good at that. It should not be difficult to give a child love, and for me it would not be, but the lack of confidence i have in myself allways speak loudest.

Whenever i´m with my family i get bombarded with questions about kids, why i don´t have any, don´t i know the clock is ticking, it´s soon too late etc. It brings me a lot of sadness, and make me feel like a failure compared to them. I wish i was a person who was not scared, i wish i was a person who just did things, but i´m not.

To me there is no recipe for life, life is different for all of us, we cant put our desires on others. I understand you, your kids are grown up, you are on the next level, you see your friends having grandkids. It seems like we always miss something. You have two lovely children, you might not have grandkids, but you have something, that is what you should focus on. I don´t think the desire for grandchildren will pass, but you need to fill the gap with other joys, there is plenty of joys in life As long as we are alive and we have someone, that´s all that counts, then we are not alone. If we were all alone, then we had nothing and that would be sad.. Besides, things can change, there is plenty of time for your children to change their minds, we people often do

 

[dysert]

I'm not certain this is the right area to post this question. If not, please feel free to move it.

What causes that deep need to grandchildren some of us have? I find myself disappointed and saddened that my children son age 30 and daughter 27 have no desire to have children - ever. My son who is unmarried, isn't dating, let alone interested in marriage and feels the world is "over populated enough", and does not want children. Our daughter, who has a good heart, also doesn't want children, and is very honest in that she doesn't want the responsibility. This may be a good thing, since she can't seem to be responsible for her own day to day affairs.

Today I came across a photo of my late parents, tucked away in a book; taken when they were dating during WWII. As I'm safely putting it away in the family photo album, I couldn't help but think all the photos of my parents, grandparents and even great great grandparents, and most of the sentimental family heirlooms (wedding dress, Marine uniform, love letters, china, etc.) will more than likely be in a landfill in another 50 years - and that saddens me greatly. And those precious encounters of making cookies with grandchildren, teaching them to garden, reading Bible stories to them, the sticky, pudgy little hand in mine and the sloppy kisses will never happen.

So the deep desire for grandchildren? I asked my husband how he feels and he just shrugged and said, "It would be nice to have them around for a visit during the holidays, but it doesn't matter one way or the other." Spoke with a male cousin and he said, "Forget about it. Get a couple of lap dogs, travel and blow the kids inheritance......these kids are all spoiled brats anyway!" Ugh, ok.

I'm hoping this deep desire for grandchildren will pass.

Can anyone relate? Thoughts?

I'm sure my wife could relate. She spent years pining away for grandchildren (not to our kids, of course, but to me). I think it was because she was *designed* to be maternal. After our kids moved out, she pretty much thought that her life was over because her function in life was no longer necessary.

Over the years, though, she began to realize that she could still have a function in this next chapter, although it wouldn't be as good as her childbearing years. She had finally accepted that there'd be no grandchildren, but then guess what happened... We now have one who's about 17 months, and we have one on the way. She's absolutely delighted.

My only advice is to really try to find another outlet for your maternal instincts. Meanwhile, you can always keep praying that God will give you grandchildren some day. Your kids aren't that old yet.

 

[SkyWriting]

I'm not certain this is the right area to post this question. If not, please feel free to move it.

What causes that deep need to grandchildren some of us have? I find myself disappointed and saddened that my children son age 30 and daughter 27 have no desire to have children - ever. My son who is unmarried, isn't dating, let alone interested in marriage and feels the world is "over populated enough", and does not want children. Our daughter, who has a good heart, also doesn't want children, and is very honest in that she doesn't want the responsibility. This may be a good thing, since she can't seem to be responsible for her own day to day affairs.

Today I came across a photo of my late parents, tucked away in a book; taken when they were dating during WWII. As I'm safely putting it away in the family photo album, I couldn't help but think all the photos of my parents, grandparents and even great great grandparents, and most of the sentimental family heirlooms (wedding dress, Marine uniform, love letters, china, etc.) will more than likely be in a landfill in another 50 years - and that saddens me greatly. And those precious encounters of making cookies with grandchildren, teaching them to garden, reading Bible stories to them, the sticky, pudgy little hand in mine and the sloppy kisses will never happen.

So the deep desire for grandchildren? I asked my husband how he feels and he just shrugged and said, "It would be nice to have them around for a visit during the holidays, but it doesn't matter one way or the other." Spoke with a male cousin and he said, "Forget about it. Get a couple of lap dogs, travel and blow the kids inheritance......these kids are all spoiled brats anyway!" Ugh, ok.

I'm hoping this deep desire for grandchildren will pass.

Can anyone relate? Thoughts?

Grand-kids are the best! All the fun and no responsibility.

Unless you take guardianship of a neglected one.
Then much less fun.

It's true, if your kids don't enjoy the benefits of off-spring
then you don't either. Aren't children a pain? It's also true what
they say, you get to get even with your children if they have kids.

My wife is not able to get pregnant.

 

[DawnInVirginia]

What a beautiful and honest post. I can relate to both sides. I don´t have kids myself, not because i don´t want to, but because i´m scared if i will be good at that. It should not be difficult to give a child love, and for me it would not be, but the lack of confidence i have in myself allways speak loudest.

Whenever i´m with my family i get bombarded with questions about kids, why i don´t have any, don´t i know the clock is ticking, it´s soon too late etc. It brings me a lot of sadness, and make me feel like a failure compared to them. I wish i was a person who was not scared, i wish i was a person who just did things, but i´m not.

To me there is no recipe for life, life is different for all of us, we cant put our desires on others. I understand you, your kids are grown up, you are on the next level, you see your friends having grandkids. It seems like we always miss something. You have two lovely children, you might not have grandkids, but you have something, that is what you should focus on. I don´t think the desire for grandchildren will pass, but you need to fill the gap with other joys, there is plenty of joys in life As long as we are alive and we have someone, that´s all that counts, then we are not alone. If we were all alone, then we had nothing and that would be sad.. Besides, things can change, there is plenty of time for your children to change their minds, we people often do

Great post, Maria. I'm really sorry people keep after you about "when" the children are coming. I never want to pressure my children or anyone to have children. It's such a private matter and the ultimate decision comes down to the husband and wife. I remember my mother in law harping at ME to "get pregnant" in our first year of marriage. Thankfully, my husband told her to "mind her own business". I liked children, but never felt the need to have children, until I met and married my husband. Then having children seemed lovely, and I went from wanting none to wanting a dozen!

I think sometimes our grandchildren (and children) come to us down different avenues, like friends who are like family.

 

[zara<3]

I think it's becoming more and more common for people my age to choose not to have kids. Which I think is a big reason why so many women today feel unfulfilled with life in general. Society pushes them to be career women which really pushes them further from their nature and God given role.

I saw a great post about this the other day.
it said:

Great grandmother: 8 children
Grandmother: 4 Children
Mother: 2 children
Me: An abortion and a dog.

Life just isn't valued in the same way anymore.

As a miracle. A gift.

I can totally understand the desire to want to see your family line continue. Think of the countless generations that came before you, of course you don't want to see it end.

Proverbs 17:6
Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,
and the pride of children is their parents.

This also makes me think of the bigger issue that you need a birth rate of 2.1 children per family to sustain a population.
Most western societies are significantly lower than this
Currently in the US it's around 1.88 per household.

I think it's our duty to encourage woman to have children. No one knows how to be a mother until they do it.

 

[DawnInVirginia]

I think it's becoming more and more common for people my age to choose not to have kids. Which I think is a big reason why so many women today feel unfulfilled with life in general. Society pushes them to be career women which really pushes them further from their nature and God given role.

I saw a great post about this the other day.
it said:

Great grandmother: 8 children
Grandmother: 4 Children
Mother: 2 children
Me: An abortion and a dog.

Life just isn't valued in the same way anymore.

As a miracle. A gift.

I can totally understand the desire to want to see your family line continue. Think of the countless generations that came before you, of course you don't want to see it end.

Proverbs 17:6
Grandchildren are the crown of the aged,
and the pride of children is their parents.

This also makes me think of the bigger issue that you need a birth rate of 2.1 children per family to sustain a population.
Most western societies are significantly lower than this
Currently in the US it's around 1.88 per household.

I think it's our duty to encourage woman to have children. No one knows how to be a mother until they do it.

View attachment 190362 View attachment 190363

Tomorrow I'm attending a funeral for a lady in my church. She lived to be 97, and lived to see 15 great-grandchildren born. Such blessing.

Part of me feels sad for my children, knowing they will never know the joy of having children of their own, and it's by their own choice.

 

[zara<3]

Tomorrow I'm attending a funeral for a lady in my church. She lived to be 97, and lived to see 15 great-grandchildren born. Such blessing.

Part of me feels sad for my children, knowing they will never know the joy of having children of their own, and it's by their own choice.

Yes it is sad. My aunt put off having a baby. Though she was financially stable and had a supportive husband who would have loved children she didn't feel ready. She had 5 abortions. Then when she finally decided that she would like a child her body decided that it was wasn't an option anymore. I know she will always feel the void of not having children in her life.

And wow 15 great-grandchildren. That's a lot of joy.

 

[DawnInVirginia]

Yes it is sad. My aunt put off having a baby. Though she was financially stable and had a supportive husband who would have loved children she didn't feel ready. She had 5 abortions. Then when she finally decided that she would like a child her body decided that it was wasn't an option anymore. I know she will always feel the void of not having children in her life.

And wow 15 great-grandchildren. That's a lot of joy.

I worked with a woman years ago who wanted children. She wasn't able to conceive or when she did, lost the baby in the first trimester. Her husband who wanted children, left the marriage after 8 years. She confessed later she had two abortions in her 20's, and wondered if her body or God was punishing her.

 

[zara<3]

I worked with a woman years ago who wanted children. She wasn't able to conceive or when she did, lost the baby in the first trimester. Her husband who wanted children, left the marriage after 8 years. She confessed later she had two abortions in her 20's, and wondered if her body or God was punishing her.

I think I would be thinking the same thing. I just pray that God blesses me with many children.

 

[akmom]

For what it's worth, most of the people I've known who expressed those sentiments ("I never want kids," "The world is overpopulated," and "I don't want the responsibility") went on to have them anyway.

The only one who didn't was a girl who proudly celebrated her tubal ligation as soon as she reached the magic age that doctors are comfortable performing it. That's what it means to absolutely reject parenthood. Everyone else is all talk. People who are truly closed to that idea... close that option. Just saying.