Got asked out..

[blackribbon]

I think you say that very well, black. I think even those who say they would rather be alone, its they would rather be alone that with someone who makes their life miserable, but if they had someone who worked with them as a team member, they would be there in a minute and teir life would be so much better for it.

I am amazed at how many people seem to approach marriage like it is "Me against Him/Her" or "Girls against Boys". If I give in to this then you must do this for me. If you buy that, then I get to buy this. "Oh no you didn't" so "See what I can do" in retaliation to make things "even". Worse: my money vs your money. Yuk! Who wants to live always in competition.

It should be "us against the world", "I got your back and you got my back", how are we going to save or spend "our money" (since that is what it is legally in most states anyway, "you feel weak" then "how do I support you", and then sex becomes the halftime locker room where you build each other's spirit up and it also can be the celebration party where you celebrate any "wins" you have as a team.

 

[blackribbon]

Okay, I met him again for coffee. He said he had taken note that I was a nurse and the day we met, I was particularly frazzled out of fear I'd be late for work. He also knew I was a widow because I had told him that when he asked if I was single. He said he had decided to take this real slow and give me as much room as I needed (this was spread out in the conversation). Anyway, I am starting to think he time limits our get together because he does basically end every one by offering to walk me to my car at some point after looking at his watch.

I think he is starting to like me. I enjoy talking to him but I can talk to about anyone. He still has only told me mostly what he believes (and I am complete opposite on some issues and this time was vocal about it). He still hasn't told me hardly anything personal about him. He seems to value the outward things such as accomplishment while I value relationships. I know this is a boy/girl thing...but I also don't know if it is easy to teach someone at our age. Although he argued with me on a few things, I think he also did hear what I was saying most of the time. I don't need agreement on every point. Maybe I am just very different from the other women he has gone out with. I am going to go out with him again. My call since I have to work most of the holiday.

 

[sunsurfkdt]

That may be your answer - some people just aren't very perceptive - perhaps he had something to do and didn't think that you might want to spend time together after dinner.

Personally, I thought it was weirder that he invited you out and then split the bill...

Anyway - are there plans for another date? Hope it all goes well for you

That's not weird...bc some women..might get alarmed if he payed. Like especially if they think he's moving a bit fast. It might have turned her off. He's probably playing it cool. I mean I'm sure if they began to date, he'd pay. I don't know. I mean if you know the person, and they're like you wanna go out? Then yeah, maybe they should pay. Or maybe not. Either way its fine. Most guys insist on it...but that's if they know you. Personally if a stranger started being a bit too forward with me it would make me panic lol.

 

[sunsurfkdt]

Not sure yet. We haven't spent that much time together. He has very different interests than anyone I have ever gone out with so I am still feeling my way around and I am getting the idea that I'm very different than most of the women he has asked out...but he kind of lights up if I smile at him. He moves slow and I am letting him take the lead.

Initially, I wasn't going to meet up with him but I was looking forward to it after deciding to go. Maybe he feels my reservations but he doesn't strike me as having that kind of perception.

Still, who makes plans for after meeting a women for dinner?

Don't be turned off by that. I've been on dates where we had to go home by 9 or 10 because they had work early the next day. I'm only upset if I was having fun lol. Which I usually am. Lol. The last date I went on we start talking about the Hebrew names for G-d...then all the sudden he's like, "Well! It's 10 , are you ready to go?" I was like "oh yeah, wjen ever we get to the best topic about G-d" I was laughing tho not being sarcastic...and he's like,"no I have work tomorrow" I was like,"alrighty" lol...but he is a good friend anyways...and I've spent time with him before, so I guess if it was the 1st time I might have thought what you thought. But he's done that before, one time I went to his house for a family BBQ, and he was having friends over later and wanted me not there for that lol.

 

[sunsurfkdt]

Whoever gave that advice didn't know women at all. All it shows is that you really aren't that interested in spending time with that woman...especially if it is on "traditional date night". Personally, even though I know what he said he was going to do in vague terms, it made me wonder if he had another date since for the life of me, I can't think why he couldn't have done it some other time. What I find flattering is when they keep inventing things to keep the evening from ending....I have gone bowling (because it was still open at midnight) and gone on a driving tour of corporate grounds where a guy worked as he told me what went on in each of the buildings on the complex. This one had to "go to the mall before they closed"....heck, I'd have been flattered if he asked if I wanted to ride along and keep him company.

As it stands, it feels like just as we are starting to get comfortable with each other, he ends the meet-up.

Christmas is almost here...keep in mind

 

[dayhiker]

Black ... some good stuff and some stuff that might mean it wouldn't work out. Might ask him a question that needs a personal answer and see how he responds to that.

 

[blackribbon]

Don't be turned off by that. I've been on dates where we had to go home by 9 or 10 because they had work early the next day. I'm only upset if I was having fun lol. Which I usually am. Lol. The last date I went on we start talking about the Hebrew names for G-d...then all the sudden he's like, "Well! It's 10 , are you ready to go?" I was like "oh yeah, wjen ever we get to the best topic about G-d" I was laughing tho not being sarcastic...and he's like,"no I have work tomorrow" I was like,"alrighty" lol...but he is a good friend anyways...and I've spent time with him before, so I guess if it was the 1st time I might have thought what you thought. But he's done that before, one time I went to his house for a family BBQ, and he was having friends over later and wanted me not there for that lol.

He already has told me he is retired (mid 50's). He is not going to school this year (getting his resume together to apply for grad school next year). I also know he isn't volunteering any where on a schedule right now because he is trying to figure out where he is going to volunteer next. He told me he had to run to the mall before it closed (on a Saturday night?) and that is why he had to go. Not the same as "got to get to bed for work" or even church. I wasn't upset but I did find it startling.

This last time, he ended it without an explanation and I didn't ask for one. Maybe I need to ask him what the expected time range is so I can make plans with a girlfriend afterward too if I don't want to go home early. Normally, when I got out with a friend and am time limited, I start the get-together with ... "I'm sorry but I will have to leave no later than 8pm tonight."

I am an observer of people by nature so now I am just kind of fascinated with how this will play out...and to see if this is just how he schedules his life or if there is a reason.

 

[blackribbon]

Black ... some good stuff and some stuff that might mean it wouldn't work out. Might ask him a question that needs a personal answer and see how he responds to that.

The other day on the phone, he asked how my day was and I told him what I had been doing briefly (something with my daughter) and then I asked him about his day and his answer was so vague that it didn't even give me the slightest idea of how he spends his time.

We will just see. He has made it clear he thinks it is ridiculous how everyone gets "up in everyone's business" and people don't need to know everything about each other...this sounded like he was address life in general. However, I don't "date" guys or show affection if I am not in their inner circle and they are in mine. I don't need to know his bank statement but I do kind of want to know how he spends his time in general everyday....even if it is just reading or something like that (he is not a big internet person).

 

[dayhiker]

If he is being that vague .... then I'd start to suspect that his is hiding something .. might even indicate that he is married or something.
Or maybe he is a billionaire and doesn't want a relationship built around his money!

 

[blackribbon]

If he is being that vague .... then I'd start to suspect that his is hiding something .. might even indicate that he is married or something.
Or maybe he is a billionaire and doesn't want a relationship built around his money!

I've had all those suspicions. He claims to be divorced. I am keeping my defenses up. I think I believe most of what he says but I am not stupid either. There is a piece missing from his story. Not sure if he is a liar and manipulator or if he has been used badly by some woman/or women and thinks this is how he protects himself. Again, I am a watcher of people so I won't be stupid but I am curious to find out what comes next.

 

[rickster]

Did you Google his name or look him up on social media yet?

 

[blackribbon]

He doesn't do social media and never has...and I really do believe this. Nothing came up on Google.

 

[OGM]

I have come to grips with that I might be single but honestly, I miss being married and having that kind of relationship with a man. I don't need a man but I miss having that kind of life. I liked being part of a team.

You are fortunate to have experienced that...many of haven't and never will.

 

[OGM]

I've had all those suspicions. He claims to be divorced. I am keeping my defenses up. I think I believe most of what he says but I am not stupid either. There is a piece missing from his story. Not sure if he is a liar and manipulator or if he has been used badly by some woman/or women and thinks this is how he protects himself. Again, I am a watcher of people so I won't be stupid but I am curious to find out what comes next.

You always can do a background check on him.

 

[blackribbon]

You always can do a background check on him.

Are you kidding? At this point we are just eating together in public venues. I don't even know if I want to have a long term relationship with him. If I have a doubt after spending more time with him, then I don't think it would be healthy to date him regardless. I probably will ask him point blank next time I meet with him. Much easier route. I really don't think he is married but there is something missing. More likely than not, it is either something part of his personality or the influence of a bad relationship that he has committed to never repeat.

 

[dayhiker]

yes, an open question often works amazingly well. I do it so much more often than I used it. One of the best things I learned to do.

 

[Trogdor the Burninator]

He already has told me he is retired (mid 50's). He is not going to school this year (getting his resume together to apply for grad school next year). I also know he isn't volunteering any where on a schedule right now because he is trying to figure out where he is going to volunteer next.

I think you have a point - what exactly does he DO? I cannot imagine retiring at mid-50s for any reason - I'd be bored stupid.