Got asked out..

[blackribbon]

I was asked to coffee by a guy in the grocery store. At first I was going to say "no" since I didn't know anything about him..but then considered since he was at this small local grocery store that most likely he was pretty normal and local. And it crossed my mind that my prayer was to meet someone. So I said yes. So we met at a nearby coffee store and got to know each other a bit. He said he would like to go out again. Me, I don't know. He is nice enough and we talked....but I don't know that we have much in common. He talked a lot of about saying things like he didn't think people should form personal bonds at work and about recognizing my privacy boundaries in my home if ever invited and that the would never ask about my finances..... All weird topics to me. At first I took it as he highly prized privacy...but now I wonder if he has made those mistakes before... Either way, it seems weird. And I value privacy but also value forming close person bonds with the people who are important to me.

Now I need to figure out if I even ought to give it a try for one date or just give up now.

 

[dayhiker]

I say congrats on the coffee date.
If he has talked to many ladies, he has run into some strange things that ladies seem to react to. I'm sure ladies have found the same thing happen to them.
So I get the impression that he is trying to not do anything that would cause a lady to end the conversation. It is a way I've heard males have been taught: learn from each date so that the next date is better.
So from the limited part of the conversation I assume you two had and your posted here, I'd say try an other coffee date.

edited to make more readable.

 

[blackribbon]

I decided to go and learn a bit more about him. Being alone stinks. I might get someone to go do some things with even if it isn't a bonding type relationship. Or maybe the differences will just make the potential friendship interesting. I actually kind of like that he just picked a restaurant to meet at so I don't have to give my address yet...more an issue since I have a minor daughter living at home than really about my safety.

 

[blackribbon]

Okay....we met for dinner...enjoyed talking to him....still getting to know him...check came and he asked the waitress to split it...then announced he needed to go so he could get to the mall before it closed for some shopping.

He wanted to know when I was available again so we might go for lunch next week.

He is pleasant enough and I enjoy having someone to talk to. I doubt that he is going to turn out to be the love of my life but again, I haven't found anything him that I don't like or that signals any red flags.

However, how weird is it that he would have made plans for after we were meeting for dinner? He is "retired" and doesn't work. I am not sure what he does do with his time. If it was a ruse, why would he make sure we had a "next meeting"? If it wasn't, isn't that weird? Personally, I left the evening open so we could spend more time together if dinner went well.

He walked me to my car and started to shake my hand and changed his mind and gave me a hug. I'm okay with that.

 

[GQ Chris]

Okay....we met for dinner...enjoyed talking to him....still getting to know him...check came and he asked the waitress to split it...then announced he needed to go so he could get to the mall before it closed for some shopping.

He wanted to know when I was available again so we might go for lunch next week.

He is pleasant enough and I enjoy having someone to talk to. I doubt that he is going to turn out to be the love of my life but again, I haven't found anything him that I don't like or that signals any red flags.

However, how weird is it that he would have made plans for after we were meeting for dinner? He is "retired" and doesn't work. I am not sure what he does do with his time. If it was a ruse, why would he make sure we had a "next meeting"? If it wasn't, isn't that weird? Personally, I left the evening open so we could spend more time together if dinner went well.

He walked me to my car and started to shake my hand and changed his mind and gave me a hug. I'm okay with that.

How is the chemistry?

 

[blackribbon]

Not sure yet. We haven't spent that much time together. He has very different interests than anyone I have ever gone out with so I am still feeling my way around and I am getting the idea that I'm very different than most of the women he has asked out...but he kind of lights up if I smile at him. He moves slow and I am letting him take the lead.

Initially, I wasn't going to meet up with him but I was looking forward to it after deciding to go. Maybe he feels my reservations but he doesn't strike me as having that kind of perception.

Still, who makes plans for after meeting a women for dinner?

 

[GQ Chris]

Still, who makes plans for after meeting a women for dinner?

Yeah, a little too soon.

 

[Trogdor the Burninator]

Initially, I wasn't going to meet up with him but I was looking forward to it after deciding to go. Maybe he feels my reservations but he doesn't strike me as having that kind of perception.

Still, who makes plans for after meeting a women for dinner?

That may be your answer - some people just aren't very perceptive - perhaps he had something to do and didn't think that you might want to spend time together after dinner.

Personally, I thought it was weirder that he invited you out and then split the bill...

Anyway - are there plans for another date? Hope it all goes well for you

 

[blackribbon]

That may be your answer - some people just aren't very perceptive - perhaps he had something to do and didn't think that you might want to spend time together after dinner.

Personally, I thought it was weirder that he invited you out and then split the bill...

Anyway - are there plans for another date? Hope it all goes well for you

I was surprised about the bill but an not so sure it doesn't fit his character based on something he said. I suspect that he feels like he has been "used" financially by women in the past. I don't know. I definitely didn't order the most expensive thing off the menu.

I actually don't mind this situation because it leaves me in control. I don't feel like I owe him anything and he already is starting to look a bit cheap. Regardless, it makes it easier to walk away if I decide I don't want to build a friendship or relationship with.

 

[dayhiker]

Most of the women I date are supporting themselves and we generally split the bill. Some guys I know insist that they pay the bill. I go out a lot and it would be a major cost if I was expected to pay for all meals. If a woman has less money than I have, then I plan on paying more than my "share."

Ya, I'm surprised as well that he had plans that close after the date. I once remembered some teaching on the web for guys looking for younger woman, set a date with start and stop time. Makes you look busy, successful and important which would attract younger women. Only thing I can think of like that. I'm never tried that advice personally.

 

[blackribbon]

Most of the women I date are supporting themselves and we generally split the bill. Some guys I know insist that they pay the bill. I go out a lot and it would be a major cost if I was expected to pay for all meals. If a woman has less money than I have, then I plan on paying more than my "share."

Ya, I'm surprised as well that he had plans that close after the date. I once remembered some teaching on the web for guys looking for younger woman, set a date with start and stop time. Makes you look busy, successful and important which would attract younger women. Only thing I can think of like that. I'm never tried that advice personally.

Whoever gave that advice didn't know women at all. All it shows is that you really aren't that interested in spending time with that woman...especially if it is on "traditional date night". Personally, even though I know what he said he was going to do in vague terms, it made me wonder if he had another date since for the life of me, I can't think why he couldn't have done it some other time. What I find flattering is when they keep inventing things to keep the evening from ending....I have gone bowling (because it was still open at midnight) and gone on a driving tour of corporate grounds where a guy worked as he told me what went on in each of the buildings on the complex. This one had to "go to the mall before they closed"....heck, I'd have been flattered if he asked if I wanted to ride along and keep him company.

As it stands, it feels like just as we are starting to get comfortable with each other, he ends the meet-up.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I'm one of those guys that if the date is going well, I'll see if we can find something else to do. He might have had another date ... or maybe there is a place that he hangs out ... as you know we are guessing till he tells you.

 

[civilwarbuff]

I think it is hilarious that my dating life is so pathetic that I have to follow someone else's....where is my rock?

 

[blackribbon]

My dating life is pretty pathetic too....I accepted an invite from someone I met in the grocery store because I decided that I might not get another chance for a very long time....

 

[civilwarbuff]

I thank God that He gave us a sense of humor otherwise life would really be a drag......

 

[rickster]

Whoever gave that advice didn't know women at all. All it shows is that you really aren't that interested in spending time with that woman...especially if it is on "traditional date night".

I think this advice is geared more towards picking up younger women. The pick up artist/seduction group is made up of mostly teens/20 somethings.

This behavior also shows you are not needy/clingy, and prevents you from becoming just that. Hypothetically, instead of being awkward to 4 hours you're only being awkward for 2 hours. It's more like training wheels for socially inept men.

His excuse to need to shop doesn't really jive with this advice. It's doesn't seem like a good excuse since you can shop anytime. Though maybe it was the last day of a sale or he needed the items that night to meet a shipping deadline.

But I think we're reading too much into it.

If you keep meeting up with this guy you'll eventually figure him out.

 

[civilwarbuff]

My dating life is pretty pathetic too....I accepted an invite from someone I met in the grocery store because I decided that I might not get another chance for a very long time....

This may seem trite but some time ago I came to grips that if being single was my lot in life I would accept that as long as I believed that was God's will....so far I am content.....that is not saying it is always easy....

 

[blackribbon]

I think this advice is geared more towards picking up younger women. The pick up artist/seduction group is made up of mostly teens/20 somethings.

This behavior also shows you are not needy/clingy, and prevents you from becoming just that. Hypothetically, instead of being awkward to 4 hours you're only being awkward for 2 hours. It's more like training wheels for socially inept men.

His excuse to need to shop doesn't really jive with this advice. It's doesn't seem like a good excuse since you can shop anytime. Though maybe it was the last day of a sale or he needed the items that night to meet a shipping deadline.

But I think we're reading too much into it.

If you keep meeting up with this guy you'll eventually figure him out.

Okay....I once was a young woman and this wouldn't have worked then either and I didn't go dateless that often. Maybe it would work for a certain kind of woman but that is also the kind of woman that many men tend to complain about. I guess the older men that chased me probably did suffer from being a bit clingy and needy...so maybe it was for older men who desired younger women?

I'm not really reading anything into it. Just kind of curious. I am meeting up with him again but to be honest, if he suddenly didn't call, I wouldn't care at this point. I don't know if that means no chemistry or that we just don't know each other yet. It might also just mean I am sort of overwhelmed with my own life and this just isn't important enough to make the priority list at the moment. When I go out, I do focus on whoever I go out with...but my "free" time has been very limited lately.

 

[blackribbon]

This may seem trite but some time ago I came to grips that if being single was my lot in life I would accept that as long as I believed that was God's will....so far I am content.....that is not saying it is always easy....

I have come to grips with that I might be single but honestly, I miss being married and having that kind of relationship with a man. I don't need a man but I miss having that kind of life. I liked being part of a team.

 

[dayhiker]

I have come to grips with that I might be single but honestly, I miss being married and having that kind of relationship with a man. I don't need a man but I miss having that kind of life. I liked being part of a team.

I think you say that very well, black. I think even those who say they would rather be alone, its they would rather be alone that with someone who makes their life miserable, but if they had someone who worked with them as a team member, they would be there in a minute and teir life would be so much better for it.