Gossip

[parsley]

I'm trying to find a balance.
I want to fellowship with a small group, but each time I find one, they are so irresponsible with each others' private information, that I no longer feel safe being there. Not just sharing about my life, but being a part of a group that talks about each other and posts details and photos online without permission.

They say things like, "It's part of being a family," without considering they need to protect each other to keep the "household" safe and healthy.

Has anyone found a solution, toward saying less about each others' lives during meetings? I have expressed my concern in several fellowships, and usually get a blank stare. I thought that maybe a smaller group would do less online posting, but the per capita rate is even higher.

I am not a new Christian, I have been involved in mainstream and independent churches, church plants and almost anything you can name. People are gossipy wherever I go.

I'm thinking, maybe if I hear of a model where people have managed this well, I could propose it from a different angle.

 

[ezeric]

I take it that what they are posting is not positive?

We only share online if it is good, and usually that is emails to the group.
If there was a picture, it would be those that were at the last fellowship.

I think where the gossip you have to be careful (and I have failed here too), is when
if there is a problem with someone in the group, where does that go for prayer or when is that gossip?

We try to base it on, are we trying to help and change that person, for the good. (its love motivated)
Or is it to just make then look bad….not thinking of prayer. (self motivated)

Don't know if that is even close to answering what you are getting to, but wouldn't mind
talking and learning more about this important topic!

-eric

 

[phydaux]

Establish boundaries, just like any healthy person has well established boundaries, and when they ask you why you are so guarded then tell them that you are not comfortable sharing with the group because of how you have seem then handle other people's private information.

 

[Job8]

People are gossipy wherever I go.

1. Gossip is sin in both the OT and the NT.
2. Prepare a message from Scripture and preach it to your group.
3. Trust that the Holy Spirit will convict.
4. There is no "model" -- God hates gossipping. Period.
5, It's time Christians stop trying to be politcally correct. Call sin "sin".

 

[ezeric]

1. Gossip is sin in both the OT and the NT.
No body disagrees with that here.

2. Prepare a message from Scripture and preach it to your group.
Maybe some do, we don't. We allow the SPIRIT to give us the words to say out of love, as we begin to share. Nothing much prepared.

3. Trust that the Holy Spirit will convict.
HE (SPIRIT) convicts the 'world of sin'…not brothers/sisters. John 16:8

4. There is no "model" -- God hates gossipping. Period.
Until you get this my friend, you will come across in your message (to the lost) as angry. GOD only and I say it again "ONLY", hates sin because of what it does to his creation. HE hates it the same way we hate it. Its because it pays a price and causes hurt and division. Nothing else.

5, It's time Christians stop trying to be politcally correct. Call sin "sin".

I don't believe we need to point out a persons sin, that's the laws job, and people that I've seen, are generally (inwardly) feeling tons of guilt and heaviness, without any peace. These people are lost. FATHER forgive them they don't know what they are doing...

 

[Stefos]

Job & Ezeric you are both right!

The issue here is balance.

Job said Gossip is Gossip...Call a spade a spade.

Ezeric you said "God convicts of sin"

Both are true.

However, We can share with people what's going on and share with them
what God's word says which is both Love & Truth.

Not only Love and Not only Truth.

Don't convolute things gents!

Truth IS Truth....Love & Mercy are Love and Mercy.
We are to show both and not be galvanized to one side in sensitive matters like these.

Stefos

 

[parsley]

Thanks for all your replies -- they all make sense.
I have tried similar things, but each person in a fellowship has a different perception of what is inappropriate.

Every church so far has felt free to post photos and names online without members' permission. There are laws in the US about rights.

I work in a company where security experts give talks on how important it is to guard one's online identity... but then when I get in a church group (even among IT people), everyone seems to lose their sensibilities and they laugh it off. "It's only church."

But whatever goes online, stays online for the entire world to access. Good people and criminals alike.

It has been long-known that robbers look through obits to find when family members are at services, and scammers look for empty houses to pretend they are collecting first month's rent for.

Why would they not look through church web sites to see who is in the hospital, who attends a certain meeting when, whose child needs tutoring, when people have dialysis appointments, when the church will be unlocked.

There is even an online service that will map out the housing locations of each member. Another that helps schedule meal deliveries to people recuperating... posting the address of the sick person who hasn't the strength to get up and make meals.

Churches put prayer requests online -- this can compromise people's reputation at work, or ability to get jobs.

In smaller fellowships and house churches, I hear statements like "We told that person to move out of their apartment, and they didn't." Which in my opinion is not anyone's business. People get angry if every woman doesn't have time to cook elaborate dishes for events -- as though that is our assigned role in life -- and complain about a person who wasn't available to put together another's wedding, as not being invested in the group.

Everyone has different expectations.

Ministers (in any size gatherings) will mention a member's problem in a sermon, thinking everyone will understand how it supports their point, But at the same time, they demean the member and air information that shouldn't be made public. Defamation. Not asking permission first.

Most of this is done "in good spirit." Just carelessly, and not seeing that people need to protect each other. I have brought this topic up with leaders in different churches, and get a reaction like I am unreasonable. But in professional circles, people know the laws and the risks.

Managers can't talk about employees' health problems. Hospital nurses can't reveal health status to patients' friends. Teachers can't talk about students' grades or disabilities, or even the students' schedule in case a parent without custody kidnaps a child.

Designers, publishers and ad agencies can't use photos of people without model releases signed, can't use photos of buildings when architects have rights to the design, and sometimes can't use colors or shapes that another company has trademarked. Comedians can't insult politicians or celebrities without the risk of getting sued.

But churches can publicize just about anything, and make members feel guilty for suggesting they shouldn't.

I don't want our future prayer lists to contain child abductions and credit card fraud, simply due to our loose lips and desire for open communication among brethren.

 

[Stefos]

Parsley,

This is the bottom line:

We develop relationships organically and naturally.

We trust believers, as they have a fallen nature too, implicitly.

If the biblical model is followed and someone sins against that someone else,
What did Jesus say?

Go to that brother and talk with him or to that sister,
if they repent...great. Restitution is needed as well not only repentance.

If they don't, take along another........2 people talking to the 1

If they don't still listen, bring them in front of the entire body of believers.

If they STILL don't, have nothing to do with them.

Paul in his letters also stated the same thing:
Not to associate with any so-called "Brother" if they are a swindler, liar, cheat, a drunk, a fornicator, etc.

Serious business my friend hence the need for biblical Christianity ala the New Testament and not denomination style.

My contribution through God's grace.
Stefos

 

[Job8]

I don't want our future prayer lists to contain child abductions and credit card fraud, simply due to our loose lips and desire for open communication among brethren.

If you have observed all this in your church, you have a moral responsibility to address the church publicly and let everyone know that none of this is acceptable or brings glory to God. It is all in the flesh. "Be as wise as serpents" is Christ's admonition to His disciples.

So now the onus is on you.

 

[Stefos]

Job,

I agree.........If this junk IS happening throughout that particular body in that way and on that level and no one has spoken.......Make it public.

Stefos

 

[Jaelyn Liza]

It's horrible that things like that happen, because yes, it does put your safety in danger and you might no longer feel secure in that kind of group. I've been through it myself a lot of times, but as time goes on, I realize that this is simply something that won't probably change. People are not perfect, especially Christians. The only difference is that we serve a perfect God and come to Him for forgiveness repeatedly. I would strongly recommend rethinking the things you share with the group and its members though and take longer time to get to know these people before you start opening up in a private way. Try talking about God more. Pray about the people in your group more.