Gossip question?

[mrleopard]

Lets say I think a woman at church is flirting with me and I also think she may have some feelings for me. I don't know that for sure but I'm attracted to her and this is a struggle for me. (We are both married persons so this attraction is a wrong thing...).

My accountability partner knows this woman too. Am I gossiping about her if I tell him that I think she is flirting and that she might having feelings for me too?

 

[seajoy]

Lets say I think a woman at church is flirting with me and I also think she may have some feelings for me. I don't know that for sure but I'm attracted to her and this is a struggle for me. (We are both married persons so this attraction is a wrong thing...).

My accountability partner knows this woman too. Am I gossiping about her if I tell him that I think she is flirting and that she might having feelings for me too?

Could you speak with your pastor about this? Then you would be assured it was kept in confidence. (if he's the type of person who doesn't talk to others about his counseling, as most of them are good about that).

Also, spend as little time as possible around this woman...for both your sakes. Start looking at your wife the way God intended...as the gift that was given to you by God. She is yours, and yours alone (as the other woman belongs to her husband).
Praise and thank God for all your wife's wonderful points. Don't dwell on any negatives about her. Tell her you love her every day. Ask the Lord to help you...soon this infatuation will pass.

seajoy

 

[Elijah2]

Lets say I think a woman at church is flirting with me and I also think she may have some feelings for me. I don't know that for sure but I'm attracted to her and this is a struggle for me. (We are both married persons so this attraction is a wrong thing...).

My accountability partner knows this woman too. Am I gossiping about her if I tell him that I think she is flirting and that she might having feelings for me too?

Well my dear brother, you better get rid of the spirit of lust, because if she flirting with you, then you are flirting with her.

You are on the road to destruction, and if you don't do something about it, the LION WILL DEVOUR you.

You better get yourself as quick as possible to your pastor, and confess and repent your sin, because the enemy is dwelling in your HOUSE!

 

[LilLamb219]

I agree with what has been written already...stay away from her. Don't allow any opportunities to ever arise and keep your focus where it should be.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

If you are telling someone in confidence and with a desire to have someone help you with your walk I don't see how that could be gossip. If you can't trust your accountability partner to keep it to themselves then that is another situation.

 

[aldar]

is it gossip to confess a struggle your going through and something that genuinely concerns you to your accountability partner? no way. you aren't trying the spread the word that shes a hussey...that would be gossiping. your talking to a person in a special relationship with you who has a commitment of trust not to tell what you talk about...becuase you have a genuine concern about yourself and you want to live the right kind of lifestyle. no it isn't gossiping.

as for that, im sure you already know, but you just gotta cut that out, if you are seriously concerned about this then dont have anything to do with that woman, it isnt rude, its possibly preserving both your marriages and your own holiness before God.
and if your still having troubles...tell your wife! SHELL FIX IT!

 

[tturt]

I'm not sure the above poster was serious about telling your wife. But I don't think that's a good thing to do.

 

[mrleopard]

I should clarify this isn't happening right now.. It was something that happened a while back. I did tell my accountability partner that I thought she was flirting and maybe had feelings for me but I didn't feel right when i was telling him. It seemed wrong to say something negative like that about her when i wasn't certain of her motives. It felt too much like gossip. She may have just been a really friendly type of person.

It also seemed unnecessary cause my wife and the church was already aware of it and we were working through it. I told the church I did not want to tell my AP cause he knew her too but they said I was supposed to keep nothing secret from my AP. So I went ahead.

It left me with a lingering moral question and I thought I would ask for others opinions.

Thanks for the comments -- they were all pretty much right on regarding the situation.

 

[synger]

If you are telling someone in confidence and with a desire to have someone help you with your walk I don't see how that could be gossip. If you can't trust your accountability partner to keep it to themselves then that is another situation.

If you can't trust your accountability partner to keep a confidence, you should get another accountability partner.

That being said, the focus on this, and on accountability, should be on YOU, not on her. It shouldn't matter to your accountability partner WHO she is, or whether or not she is flirting with you, so bringing it up and naming names doesn't really help anything.

It should be enough to say, "I'm feeling tempted by my interest in another woman, and I feel like she would not turn down an attempt to get to know her better." That should be enough to help your accountability partner know what he needs to know:

1. what the problem is -- your temptation,
2. what to encourage you to do -- back off from this other woman and focus on shoring up your relationship with your wife, and
3. hold you accountable for number 2

Details like names and specific situations are not necessary.

 

[aldar]

aah...well good.
I wouldn't think youd have to tell your accountability partner "everything" no secrets...
but thats me. Since an accountability partner is there to keep you accountable...not neccesarily know everything about you, its apples and oranges.
good, glad you come to a good solution about this.

 

[Weasel7711]

Lets say I think a woman at church is flirting with me and I also think she may have some feelings for me. I don't know that for sure but I'm attracted to her and this is a struggle for me. (We are both married persons so this attraction is a wrong thing...).

My accountability partner knows this woman too. Am I gossiping about her if I tell him that I think she is flirting and that she might having feelings for me too?

I think that it shouldnt be a problem to tell your accountability partner. He is there to keep you from doing stupid things and, since you obviously recognize the fact that this can be a problem, he can help you deal with it and give you advice (maybe he can even find out if your suspicions are correct). If left unchecked and the woman does like you, it can be easy to fall into the trap of an innapropriate relationship. Temptations come our way but we must run from them like Joseph ran from Potiphar's wife. Women like Potiphar's wife are bad news and will stop at nothing. I dont know if this women is like that but if she does like you, avoid her like the plague. I dont think it would neccesarily be a bad thing to discuss your fears about this with your wife either, at least she would know you wanted to talk to her about it.

 

[aldar]

I'm not sure the above poster was serious about telling your wife. But I don't think that's a good thing to do.

ahh....but i was!
nah... not really.

but hey if some people atually believe they HAVE to tell there accountability partner everything?...why wouldn't you tell your wife..shes your wife? if anyone...anyone in the whole world is going to know "everything" about you, it should be her. i mean, if people really do take things to that extreme, then follow through, your wife should know before your good ol buddy Bobbie does. he didnt get your vows... she did.
If not...then dont go such extremes, you dont have to tell him every little thing about you, just what pertains to the agreement.
ya know?

 

[If Not For Grace]

Am I gossiping about her if I tell him that I think she is flirting and that she might having feelings for me too?

YES-whenever you put a name to it--it becomes personal.

Why say "Who" no noun is necessary--Why not just say someone I can not avoid contact with on a regular basis, that is if you really need your partner's help.

We are never told "what" Paul's thorn was and we do not need to know who yours is. As you say since you are married this embryo of "lust" is something you know is wrong and you must not give legal entry for its growth.

Would you really want to be attracted to someone who "might cheat" on her vows---? Work on remembering what it was that drew you to YOUR spouse to begin with. IF you love her, say it--to yourself and to her--sometimes we become complacent in marriage and we need to remember how luck we are to have our mates.

 

[mrleopard]

ahh....but i was!
nah... not really.

but hey if some people atually believe they HAVE to tell there accountability partner everything?...why wouldn't you tell your wife..shes your wife? if anyone...anyone in the whole world is going to know "everything" about you, it should be her. i mean, if people really do take things to that extreme, then follow through, your wife should know before your good ol buddy Bobbie does. he didnt get your vows... she did.
If not...then dont go such extremes, you dont have to tell him every little thing about you, just what pertains to the agreement.
ya know?

I initially did not tell my wife about it. I thought I could deal with it on my own and I count that as one of my mistakes in that issue.

If it had just been a passing thing that went away quickly (as I thought it would...), maybe it would have worked out best just to tell no one at all. But it didn't go away quickly and my keeping it from my wife made things worse. The whole thing is a very long story and it became a big painful mess before it was over.

I did learn from it though and one of the things I learned was to get my wife in the loop immediately when there is a problem like that starting. My advice is that the wife should always be informed of any kind of situation like that.

 

[allthatisgone]

Well then STOP going to that Church! You're not in kindergarten.

 

[gabrielListens]

Dear Mrleopard,

What you are dealing with is temptation, pure and simple. The best thing to do is to keep your distance from this woman. Stay out of her sight. If she is someone you must be in contact with, don't acknowledge her flirtations. Think about how bitter life will be if your wife thinks you are interested in another woman. Think about the fact that adultery is one of the ten commandments. God is always watching you. You cannot try to cover it up. That woman will have to account for her behavior when the time comes to face Jesus. How about you? Something to think about next time you feel a mutual attraction with another woman.

 

[LivingHope]

I'm not sure the above poster was serious about telling your wife. But I don't think that's a good thing to do.

if you are married, and have an open and honest relationship, wouldnt it be best to tell your wife what is going on? I for one, would be upset if someone saw that happening and 'informed' me!

My husband and I have a wonderful relationship, completely open and honest. He called me just yesterday from work telling me that a woman had a very low cut shirt on and he was having trouble with it, we prayed together about it, right then and there.

I would feel worse if he felt that he could not come to me and discuss the issue.

 

[mrleopard]

Some of you haven't understood what I wrote.... This is an incident that happened in the past. It's been over and done for several years now. It is not my current situation.

My question here was in regard to whether my discussions regarding this issue and this woman with my accountability partner was gossip or not. I did discuss it with my AP specifically at the direction of my church but I didn't feel good about talking about her with my AP. It did not feel right to me to do that. So, I just wanted to hear what others thought on that particular point. To those of you that answered to that point, thank you.

The other advice here is what I should have done but didn't but it's too late now.. I should have talked to my wife as soon as it started, I should have gotten out of that church and I should have avoided that woman like the plague, etc. All of those things I would do differently now but I didn't then. If I could go back in time and change how I dealt with that situation, I would but I can't.

 

[dodolah]

Lets say I think a woman at church is flirting with me and I also think she may have some feelings for me. I don't know that for sure but I'm attracted to her and this is a struggle for me. (We are both married persons so this attraction is a wrong thing...).

My accountability partner knows this woman too. Am I gossiping about her if I tell him that I think she is flirting and that she might having feelings for me too?

Dearest Leopard,
When i read your post, i felt the holy spirit telling me to tell you something.

and that word is "RUN!"

Thinking whether it is gossiping or not should not even be on your mind.
You should get away from that woman FAST, whether or not she is truly flirting with you.

Please read this verse:

GENESIS CHAPTER 39:6-12

 

[ephraimanesti]

Well my dear brother, you better get rid of the spirit of lust, because if she flirting with you, then you are flirting with her.

You are on the road to destruction, and if you don't do something about it, the LION WILL DEVOUR you.

You better get yourself as quick as possible to your pastor, and confess and repent your sin, because the enemy is dwelling in your HOUSE!

AMEN!

ephraim
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