Good Woman in Need of a Husband - Sligtly Used

[valdacious]

Hi everyone:

I am in need of a husband! Yet I hate dating - so many of us are. How many older Christians wish with all their heart that they had someone, and all they find even on Christian dating sites is - what can only be called a stable of bozos? I know the men probably feel the same as the women. After a certain age all that seems on offer are escapes from the insane clown posse.

Examples of people I met on Christian dating sites:

Bachelor #1

Looked like Darth Vadar sans black suit. Thought the elders in his church were persecuting him and tracked the ip address of my email.

Bachelor #2

Was studying to be a Christian pastor and councilor, who told me point blank he felt no remorse what so ever for cheating on his ex-wife who he subsequently divorced.


Bachelor #3

Talked to me for two hours on the phone about the prosperity gospel and I subsequently found out he was engaged while chatting me up.

Bachelor #4

Turned out to be into vampires.

I could go on and on. Then there were the recently divorced that were still so raw from the expreince that they need a glass of warm milk and sympathy and had zero idea they just were not ready.

Of course I realize that I am probably a nut case to these people as well. How to get it together? I don't like singles events, it makes me feel like I am in a remedial class.

Anyone have an opinion?

 

[singlewv2011]

I LOVE your examples, I have met quite a few winners as well.

Something I am learning recently. It's so easy to get a "grass is greener" attitude about being married/single. I heard a pastor once say that "Marriage is like flies on a window pane, the ones on the outside want to get in, and the ones on the inside want to get out".

A very good friend of mine recently married, he found a wonderful gifted lady at church and I have been so jealous. BUT, I have been hanging out with them lately, and it is not pretty. On paper, they seem perfect for each other, but in reality, it's going to be a miracle if they don't kill each other. The bickering and sniping makes me happy to be single.

So, I know how bad it is to be 'alone', especially when you are a 'toucher' and you are 30 years behind on getting your affection bank full. But, I am trying to realize that getting married is not going to solve my problems, it's just exchanging one set of problems for another. At least when I am single, I have some control over MY problems, when you are married you have to deal with your spouses issues as well.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Totally agree with adding problems when you add a spouse. While sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to be there for me and do things with and help me when I need it, relationships are work! And everytime I get together with my girlfriend (who is married) I see the bickering and it really hurts my spirit. And I'm sure I am only seeing the "on good behavior" version, not the "when no one else is around" version. Then I have other friends that only project the perfect side of their relationship which I know is not the whole story.
For me, my husband passed away 7 years ago and I have not been on a date or dating site for good reason. He was not perfect, but he did love me. I am not opposed to having a relationship, but I am opposed to wasting my time or compromising my values. I also know myself well enough in these past 7 years to know that it would take someone very special to be interested in me because I still love my husband even though he is gone and whoever it would be would have to not be the jealous type especially over someone not on this earth anymore. What's the answer? I don't know. I don't have the energy to waste on it. I am just living my life trying to get my teens thru high school and then college and get my debts paid off and whatever and whoever God brings into my life during or after that, I will deal with as they come. Thank you for confirming my belief of why I don't go on dating sites. Although 2 couples in my current bible study met thru online dating sites! Go figure! I guess it can work, I just don't think at this point in my life anyway, that that is the avenue for me.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, I found my GF one a dating site. We both like our space. So we live in our own places, talk on the phone during the week and get together on the weekends. That seems to work pretty good. About the time we are getting on each others nerves we can go to our own corners. After a few days of seperation we can then spend a couple of days together. This as some of the advantages of being single and some of being married. Bit of course it doesn't give us all the advantages of being single or married either.

 

[singlewv2011]

Well, I found my GF one a dating site. We both like our space. So we live in our own places, talk on the phone during the week and get together on the weekends. That seems to work pretty good. About the time we are getting on each others nerves we can go to our own corners. After a few days of seperation we can then spend a couple of days together. This as some of the advantages of being single and some of being married. Bit of course it doesn't give us all the advantages of being single or married either.

It seems like the older we get, the more "set in our ways" we get, which only leads to complications in relationships. I was talking with a very attractive girl last night at Celebrate Recovery, and over the course of a 45 minute conversation, it was amazing how many things she mentioned that put up red flags for me. She was a vegetarian, she goes to a denominational church that has questionable beliefs, she was very serious, not very warm. She offered to cook for me, so there is no doubt she was flirting. Half of my brain is saying "Dude, she's too pretty and too young for you, don't look a gift horse in the mouth", and then the other side is saying "This is just another emotionally unavailable woman that you will pursue but never get from her what you need". All I can think of is her trying to make me eat right and keep my house cleaner. I don't know, maybe it's a sign of progress that I am not so completely blinded by her physical appearance that I am overlooking the practical differences.

 

[dayhiker]

Sounds like your experience is giving you good observations.

Some tell me they don't consider entering a relationship unless they think it has a chance of lasting forever. I go into relationships thinking I know I can give something to each person if they want what I have. I will give what I can, but if I don't have it or don't feel comfortable, I'll say I can't do that.

I also think each person has something they can give to me. (the other side of the coin). So are they willing to give? Do they have something that will be meaningful to me?

To me this is the meaning of love. I live day by day with an eye on what will work for me long term. But if its just an experience/relationship for today, that is fine as well. We all can give different amounts. I give what I can and don't ask for more than others are willing to give.

How's that for giving a philosophy without saying anything concrete. lol

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Sounds like your experience is giving you good observations.

Some tell me they don't consider entering a relationship unless they think it has a chance of lasting forever. I go into relationships thinking I know I can give something to each person if they want what I have. I will give what I can, but if I don't have it or don't feel comfortable, I'll say I can't do that.

I also think each person has something they can give to me. (the other side of the coin). So are they willing to give? Do they have something that will be meaningful to me?

To me this is the meaning of love. I live day by day with an eye on what will work for me long term. But if its just an experience/relationship for today, that is fine as well. We all can give different amounts. I give what I can and don't ask for more than others are willing to give.

How's that for giving a philosophy without saying anything concrete. lol

Sounds like you might be afraid of committment.

 

[dayhiker]

lol .. yup ... no commitment. ... just committed to live this second.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

lol .. yup ... no commitment. ... just committed to live this second.

That's what I thought

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, if one makes a long term commitment, then one doesn't have to walk the fine line that keep one from being irritating .. or one can stop dieting ... or one don't have to be polite ... or one can start really demanding that the other person do all the work or they can stop wanting to have sex ... or ....

What are you going to do? Your committed, got to live with it or threaten divorce. But divorce isn't being committed! Oh, we can go to counseling. But talk is cheap except for the therapists bill!

So people put up commitment as the final expression of love. But it really is the way our of expressing love.

Did I do a good job of turning that around?

 

[singlewv2011]

"If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

Hi everyone:

I am in need of a husband! Yet I hate dating - so many of us are. How many older Christians wish with all their heart that they had someone, and all they find even on Christian dating sites is - what can only be called a stable of bozos? I know the men probably feel the same as the women. After a certain age all that seems on offer are escapes from the insane clown posse.

Examples of people I met on Christian dating sites:

Bachelor #1

Looked like Darth Vadar sans black suit. Thought the elders in his church were persecuting him and tracked the ip address of my email.

Bachelor #2

Was studying to be a Christian pastor and councilor, who told me point blank he felt no remorse what so ever for cheating on his ex-wife who he subsequently divorced.


Bachelor #3

Talked to me for two hours on the phone about the prosperity gospel and I subsequently found out he was engaged while chatting me up.

Bachelor #4

Turned out to be into vampires.

I could go on and on. Then there were the recently divorced that were still so raw from the expreince that they need a glass of warm milk and sympathy and had zero idea they just were not ready.

Of course I realize that I am probably a nut case to these people as well. How to get it together? I don't like singles events, it makes me feel like I am in a remedial class.

Anyone have an opinion?

what kinda nut case; peanut, hazelnut, walnut...........?? i like cashew nuts

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

"If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."

Psst dayhiker! This!!!

 

[dayhiker]

lol ... where's the fun in not going over board sometimes!

 

[chuck77]

You forgot:

Chuck <----- Bachelor #5 - Dreamy Mc Steamy out of your league only hope he will say hi to you to make your day look and no touch good day miss.

 

[NorwayUnn]

oh my word!

 

[dayhiker]

Then there is bachelor #6 who is so into the gym and sports he has no time to go on a date. But he might let you come over and prepare the snacks and get a cold beer from the [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]!

 

[dayhiker]

f r i g is a curse word? who knew!

 

[valdacious]

what kinda nut case; peanut, hazelnut, walnut...........?? i like cashew nuts

A pistachio - potentially delicious but a pain to shell in great numbers...

 

[valdacious]

You forgot:

Chuck <----- Bachelor #5 - Dreamy Mc Steamy out of your league only hope he will say hi to you to make your day look and no touch good day miss.

[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] Chuck are you really Johnny Depp!

All I said was - oh my God - that is a swear word like refrigeration?