Musings
Last night while listening to music a song came on. I've heard it before and posted it recently. But last night I really heard it and the words astounded me. It's beautiful. My best friend and I were talking and I shared the song. The lyrics followed. She said, "Oh wow!!!!! That's beautiful! I mean really beautiful."
She's right. We know the person he's describing intimately. I told her, "that's you, and I won't find it." And she said, "that's you too and I never have." I began to cry. I knew it already.
Perhaps I was acknowledging what my heart's known all along. Rare souls aren't plentiful. They don't take years to reveal themselves. It comes out pretty soon. I've yet to meet a man who complements me on the level she does. There's attraction, shared interests, and so on.
But the bottom lines differ. They want something from me. I want you to do, give, or be 'this' to me. Her bottom line is love. It's not about her. What she's lacking, longing for, or aching to experience.
It's all about bella.
There's no agenda. I'm not filling a hole. She's pouring into me. I've never encountered anyone who loves as much and deeply as she does. And I probably never will.
Sometimes I wonder why He desires me to marry. I understand it spiritually and philosophically on some level. But there are days when I wish He'd take it from me. I know He won't.
There's some who believe they like me. But they're lying to themselves. If they look beyond the feelings they'll see the truth. It's all about them. Their want for intimacy, companionship, encouragement, support, etc.
Love is in the mix. But it's a longing to be loved. They're not in a place of love or an embodiment of its essence. Everything else would be secondary. The need to love is foremost. It influences all.
I know the difference. I live it.