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Good Clean Random Jokes :D
- Thread starter Alessandro
- Start date
tulc
loves "SO'S YER MOM!! posts!
How about puns?
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says:
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much.
The second one became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
one asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds:
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him:
"A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."
10. And finally, there was one who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
tulc
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says:
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much.
The second one became known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
one asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds:
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him:
"A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."
10. And finally, there was one who sent ten different puns to friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
tulc
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What do u call a dead blonde in a closet? 
yay
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thanx darrions
i got that one from a friend that laughs so histerically @ everything that she always ends up crying LOL
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EspressoDuck
EspressoDuck, not ExpressDuck.
/me has played hide and go seek millions of times....
/me thinks she is still alive...
/me thinks she is still alive...
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As you can see me loves jokes
The Super Bowl was over. The frantic fan turned off his TV set with a sigh, looked around the room - and discovered his wife had left him in November.
Love: A feeling you feel you're going to feel when you have a feeling you feel you haven't felt before.
Eve: "Oh, Adam do you love me?"
Adam: "Who else?"
We have a strange and wonderful relationship.
You're strange and I'm wonderful.
The college student grabbed a coin, flipped it in the air and said, "Heads, I'll go to sleep; tails, I'll stay up. If it stands on edge I'll study."
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Education: A process by which information is transferred from the notes of a professor to the notes of a student without passing through the brains of either.
A sign on a Pentagon desk: "The secrecy of my job does not permit me to know what I am doing."
Beauty of the jet age: Breakfast in Los Angeles, dinner in Sydney, luggage in Tokyo.
When one's in doubt one must mumble.
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than walking into a garage makes you a car.
Hope you like the first shipment.
So true, especially the bold ones.
I don't get the jet age thing tho.
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Gottseidank
Junior Member
A christian arrives in heaven and is shown around by the guide:
"So here is the quarter of the Catholics and over there we have the Evangelicals and if we go down this way, we have to be very quiet, this is the place of the *insert denomination*, they think they're here all alone."
"So here is the quarter of the Catholics and over there we have the Evangelicals and if we go down this way, we have to be very quiet, this is the place of the *insert denomination*, they think they're here all alone."
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