Good Aproach

[toyotafan]

So I was at the mall last night and I was walking and well this pretty girl catches my eye... anyway being my shy self I pass and enter a store (some lame store nooooooooone ever goes to) and I enter and start looking. Anyway this girl walks to the side of the store I go in and makes her pass we lock eyes and well that was the end (oh yeah she was on her selffone so not much could be done) .... Anyway I was later like man I should of went in for it... But I didn't now I am curious what would be a uh smooth line to say at a mall????

 

[SuperTech]

Mission: impossible. It's hard enough to pickup women you know and now you want to try pick up lines with a young lady in a mall you never met and don't know? You are very brave my friend! Just be careful because her 6'4'' boyfriend just may be around the corner.

Oh, and I'm not saying it cannot be done, but how much experience do you have with women? Just start out with simple "hi". She'll probably tell you what she is shopping for and then you can tell her what you are shopping for and you can go from there....talk about how Christmas shopping is nuts, Black Friday, etc.

 

[desi]

Say anything, and make your move in 3 seconds of seeing her.

 

[wildthing]

Say something... Christmas shopping thing is a good one

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Start with "Hello", then see what she says and go with it. If you're lucky, she'll respond with a question like "How are you doing?" and you can answer with "Great, how are you?"

Then say something stupidly obvious like "Doin' a little Christmas shopping?" and before you know it you'll be in a conversation.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

So I was at the mall last night and I was walking and well this pretty girl catches my eye

Well, there ya go...you were right in not striking up conversation with her. First of all, you had no idea if she was a Christian. Second, we are not supposed to blindly give into our selfish desires (in other words, what our eyes see as pleasing may not be pleasing to the Lord) ergo, just seeing some random pretty girl at the mall and "hitting on" her isn't quite the right approach. Dating and relationships is not a sport. We don't "hunt" for our special someone and we certainly don't pick up random good looking people at the mall. Well, I'm sure some people do, but that can be the beginning of a shallow and superficial relationship. Aren't there any girls you know in church or school?

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Well, there ya go...you were right in not striking up conversation with her. First of all, you had no idea if she was a Christian. Second, we are not supposed to blindly give into our selfish desires (in other words, what our eyes see as pleasing may not be pleasing to the Lord) ergo, just seeing some random pretty girl at the mall and "hitting on" her isn't quite the right approach. Dating and relationships is not a sport. We don't "hunt" for our special someone and we certainly don't pick up random good looking people at the mall. Well, I'm sure some people do, but that can be the beginning of a shallow and superficial relationship. Aren't there any girls you know in church or school?

But if we don't talk to the pretty girls, how will we know if they're Christians or not? <---serious comment

What becomes of all the hotties that Christian men are afraid to talk to because they don't want to gie in to selfish desires? <---- somewhat serious coment

We need to spread the gospel to hot chicks too. Sometimes I lie awake at night and beg God to make that my calling (j/k) <--- please nobody take this seriously

 

[the_man]

But I didn't now I am curious what would be a uh smooth line to say at a mall????

You shouldn't think of lines or a script to go thru when you want to approach a woman (especially one you want to impress). The best things to say usually are the ones that are relevant to the moment. (assuming she was giving you the signals for a go on approach) If I were in your moment, a comment like "are you stalking me?" with a smile on your face would have started a conversation. Next time just think of something relevant to say (relevant to the situation).

 

[the_man]

Well, there ya go...you were right in not striking up conversation with her. First of all, you had no idea if she was a Christian. Second, we are not supposed to blindly give into our selfish desires (in other words, what our eyes see as pleasing may not be pleasing to the Lord) ergo, just seeing some random pretty girl at the mall and "hitting on" her isn't quite the right approach. Dating and relationships is not a sport. We don't "hunt" for our special someone and we certainly don't pick up random good looking people at the mall. Well, I'm sure some people do, but that can be the beginning of a shallow and superficial relationship. Aren't there any girls you know in church or school?

Oh come on fluffy. He was going to talk to her, not marry her.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

You have a point, the_man; however, what is our typical motive for striking up a conversation with a good looking stranger? Because we want to know if the potential is there for a dating relationship. I've done it, I'm sure at some point we've all done it, maybe more than once. By physical appearances only, someone of the opposite sex with pique our interest and we find ourselves clumsily trying to find ways to cleverly attract their attention in return. Why? Because as singles we have the tendency to view everyone, not as brothers and sisters in Christ, but as potential mates. Our minds have been conditioned to the ways of the world that say, "hey, if someone looks good strike up a conversation and maybe you'll land a relationship". You see television shows in which seemingly flawless marriages were built upon chance encounters in the subway or grocery store. While it's possible, I highly doubt pushing to meet a good looking stranger at the mall will yield a righteous and godly relationship. We have to be careful not to play with other people's emotions or jeopardize our own. While something may seem as innocent as a flirtatious first meeting at the mall, the other person may already be planning his or her wedding to you. I know it sounds crazy, but it's always possible. So you meet a total stranger, engage in conversation, pretty soon there's a miscommunication. Typically, one person walks away with a higher level of attraction than the other person.

That is why I say it is of the utmost importance that we look for courtship within our trusted circle of friends. At least then we know what the person is like and it alleviates the stress of awkward and pointless small talk with no real clear purpose as to where things are heading.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

On the other hand, if we sit at home and wait for God to deliver us a mate, we're only going to meet Jehova's Witnesses and Mail carriers.

Wasn't it Christopher Marlowe that said "Whoever loved that loved not a first sight" ? I think there's some excitement and romance in there that we can talk ourselves out of if we try to be too logical and rational about our relationships with the opposite sex.

As Christians, we're getting too close to the excitement level of an arranged marriage. There's something to be said for taking chances.

 

[the_man]

You have a point, the_man; however, what is our typical motive for striking up a conversation with a good looking stranger? Because we want to know if the potential is there for a dating relationship. I've done it, I'm sure at some point we've all done it, maybe more than once. By physical appearances only, someone of the opposite sex with pique our interest and we find ourselves clumsily trying to find ways to cleverly attract their attention in return. Why? Because as singles we have the tendency to view everyone, not as brothers and sisters in Christ, but as potential mates. Our minds have been conditioned to the ways of the world that say, "hey, if someone looks good strike up a conversation and maybe you'll land a relationship". You see television shows in which seemingly flawless marriages were built upon chance encounters in the subway or grocery store. While it's possible, I highly doubt pushing to meet a good looking stranger at the mall will yield a righteous and godly relationship. We have to be careful not to play with other people's emotions or jeopardize our own. While something may seem as innocent as a flirtatious first meeting at the mall, the other person may already be planning his or her wedding to you. I know it sounds crazy, but it's always possible. So you meet a total stranger, engage in conversation, pretty soon there's a miscommunication. Typically, one person walks away with a higher level of attraction than the other person.

Hehe, point taken and no it is not crazy what you said. There was nothing wrong with his motive for trying to strike up a conversation with her. He thought was was attractive (physically), he wanted to know if the beauty was only skin deep (or so I assume).

I was holding toyotafan in higher regard, that this is not an everday occurance for him. And what you said (one having higher expectations than another) can happen even when ones motive of approach is for mere friendship.

I understand why you say what you did say, we should becareful to guard our hearts, no disagreement there. But I would imagine a woman that gets approached by a stranger at the mall, would not be hearing wedding bells shortly after. And if indeed she does, she has done poorly to guard her own heart. (i.e. she would probably hear the same upon dropping her shopping items and a stranger helping pick the items up, in the course of doing so, their hands happen to touch...).

That is why I say it is of the utmost importance that we look for courtship within our trusted circle of friends. At least then we know what the person is like and it alleviates the stress of awkward and pointless small talk with no real clear purpose as to where things are heading.

This is a very ideal situation you have outlined, and there is nothing wrong with it. However, it doesn't work for everyone in the same way. But even my calling it ideal, I am in error, because even in the circle of friends, miscommunication happens.

We should take futher discussions in another medium so as not to derail the "natural course" of this thread.

 

[fishstix]

But I didn't now I am curious what would be a uh smooth line to say at a mall????

Hi.

 

[SweetistKandie]

When you go in the same store as a girl you see next time, spot something and just ask her, could you show me where the so and so is? Try to go for something she was just looking at. Then ask her, do you come here often? Always works for me lol

 

[iwillxa100]

Well, there ya go...you were right in not striking up conversation with her. First of all, you had no idea if she was a Christian. Second, we are not supposed to blindly give into our selfish desires (in other words, what our eyes see as pleasing may not be pleasing to the Lord) ergo, just seeing some random pretty girl at the mall and "hitting on" her isn't quite the right approach. Dating and relationships is not a sport. We don't "hunt" for our special someone and we certainly don't pick up random good looking people at the mall. Well, I'm sure some people do, but that can be the beginning of a shallow and superficial relationship. Aren't there any girls you know in church or school?

Ouch, I think you pretty much owned the dude, lol (not that you were trying to)

I'm not sure if I agree with you. It doesnt take long to figure out if someone is a Christian or not, it can be found by a little conversation with them, and it also isnt hard to figure out how good of a Christian they are, if you hang out with them a few times.

In order for a relationship to work, the woman must be attractive AND she must be pleasing to the Lord. Both things are needed for a successful relationship. Therefore, I do not condemn this man for picking out an attractive woman, but I would condemn him if he failed to further investigate whether or not this was a woman that God wants him to spend time with.

The sad thing is, although us humans which that dating wasnt a sport, by the nature of it, it sort of is. Talking to a woman, takes good social performance on the man's part, and we all try to exert this performance when we are around people (as we should, since first impressions count) The performance that we put forth in this area, can be likened to the performance that we port forth in a sport.

And relationships that start at school or church arent supposed to be shallow? I think that is a little foolish to say. Attraction is involved wherever we go, and unfortunately there is always a risk that it can distract us from more important things.

Relationships that begin at the mall aren't necessarily more shallow than relationships that begin elseware. A relationship can begin anywhere, where you have two social people. I dont feel that relationships that begin at the mall are doomed to failure.

 

[iwillxa100]

That is why I say it is of the utmost importance that we look for courtship within our trusted circle of friends. At least then we know what the person is like and it alleviates the stress of awkward and pointless small talk with no real clear purpose as to where things are heading.

Smalltalk is only stressful and awkward, for those who let it be awkward.

If you dont worry about how 'awkward' the situation is, it wont be a big deal.


There is nothing wrong with either method of doing things. If you want to schedule a date with someone after you meet them at the mall, that is fine. If you want to schedule a date with one of your trusted friends, that is fine.

If you go the first route, it may be less efficient, since you'll probably have to meet a lot of different women, and date a lot of different ones, before you can find one that you click with and trust.
Whereas in the 2nd route, trust is already taken care of for the most part. (Now whether or not you have close female friends you are attracted to is a whole other issue. If you dont, that might give you incentive to look outside of your circle of friends)

 

[renaistre]

In light of the posts here about not knowing anything about her, how about starting off with: "Hi, I'm a Christian. Are you?"

 

[JPPT1974]

First be a friend that is the most important thing way, way before anything seriously. Second get to know the person first and better. Then give your all to Jesus and then take it from there.

 

[Fatolia]

I'm going to have to be one to agree with fluffy_rainbow. Her point seemed to reflect the attitide we approach people with; rather than as siblings in Jesus and as human beings we approach other people with selfish intentions...like trying to "get her to like me" or whatnot. I admire the OP's desire and courage to get over his shyness to approach women; go for it! It will be really rewarding.

But please be careful as our friend fluffy suggested that it's really easy to fall into the trap of chasing after the wrong motives, even to the point of convincing yourself that you're doing everything right. Our sexual desires can be extremely deceiving, and we can fool ourselves into believing just about anything in the hopes of satisfying them. I've been led down the stray path before; it sounds like fluffy's experienced something similar.

 

[JPPT1974]

Not to sound harsh but what we are all saying or trying to is that people shouldn't fall into sin and the wrong kinds of temptation.