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It's fair to call her young, but she's clearly not a girl.
It can be a little difficult to appreciate how the morality applies when referring to a skill that is, (as of yet), beyond human ability. I've not seen the movie so I don't know the full context, but based on your explanation, and the woman screaming during part of the exercise, suggests that Spoke is forcefully invading her mind in a way that results in pain for at least part of the procedure. We don't know what the pain is, but based on the way the woman screams, it's reasonable to infer that the pain is akin to something like physical torture, i.e. using a knife or flame to hurt someone into talking.
If Spock did not have some special psychic ability, but rather used a pair of pliers to pull the woman's finger nails off, the audience would probably have a pretty different view of him even though the end result would be the same; he'd get the necessary information to save the day. The mind-meld appears to be a way to torture but still maintain the good-guy reputation as it's a fantasy power none of us can relate to. Or maybe they would not view him differently. Maybe they would still think the ends justifies the means, as that happens so often in the world today, e.g. the bad behavior of the good guys is justified because they are the good guys.
There are different methods to making someone talk. One is the personal violence which Spock used (the mind-meld was clearly a pain inducing procedure). Another alternative which does not require violence to the specific target is to threaten something (or someone) dear to the target, like a business or family member. A third way of getting information is to trick the target into confessing. This is the preferred option as it is the least morally ambiguous, but it requires more time, effort, and thought, which is a rare commodity these days.
Good comments, John! I'm with you in thinking that Kirk and Spock undertook this procedure because they were thinking along Utilitarian lines. It wasn't pleasant for them to consider doing, and it wasn't something they just thought would be a 'good' idea. They did what they did out of what they thought was a dire moment of necessity. Yet, with that being the case, it was an intrusive act and we have to ask ourselves, "Was it ok to do this?" Is a Utilitarian ethic 'good enough' to go by, even in desperate situations?
Moreover, did you notice what Spock says he actually found out at the end of the scene? Was he fully justified in doing his forced act of mind-meld?
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