Gonna be a daddy!

[InnocentOdion]

I'm gonna be a daddy!

However, I'm a little nervous.

1. My fiancée and I are not married (formally at least)
2. I am not baptised (formally, my fiancée has baptised me)
3. I don't go to church (we're going to start home churching because the local churches are never open often)

I'm curious as to whether or not I'll be ostracised by other Christians for this. The idea that I won't be accepted by Christians, or even worse, my fiancée and my child, won't be accepted - would cause me a lot of anger. It would make me feel as though 'if this is the Christian way... then I can't be happy as a Christian', but I don't want to give up this way.

Also, I want to get my child Christened (infant baptism) but will me not being formally baptised matter?

Advice?

Thanks,

IO

 

[Linnis]

First, congrats! When's your Finacee's due date?

I think you may need to find a church and see if you can speak to a Pastor. Get his or her insight on babies out of wedlock, marriage, attending church, the child being Christened etc. That might be a good place to start.

Most churches around here will not Dedicate a baby unless the family attends six sundays in a row and meets with the Pastor prior to the event, similar to a marriage.

You may want to consider finding a church. I know with my church, we welcome those with open arms. Although my Pastor will ask that one party moves out, if the couples is living together, even if children are involved until there is a marriage. While we accept people don't always follow the path God would like us to, we can't condone outright sinning day in and day out either. Does that make sense?

Also having a church family can be so helpful, people who will pray for you, help you out etc. It's nice to have people like that.

I do not think Baptism is important just yet, one must take that promise when they are ready, not to get into a church.

 

[Athene]

Congratualtions, having children is a wonderful experience!!

Dude, you live in the UK, you know, heathen godless, socialist UK!!!

I was a single mother and in all honesty yes there were a couple of people who looked down on me for not being married and were very quick to open their bibles and find a nice quote to throw at me, but they were by know means the majority. I think by and large in the UK, christians have realised there are bigger fish to fry then having an obssessive concern for other peoples sex lives.

You should have no trouble with getting baby christened, the Cof E should do it.

 

[InnocentOdion]

Thank you muchly for the replies.


I'll search the churches and try to go. I wanted to go yesterday, but some people I know, Christian-hating (*cough*).. people.. that they are,
deliberatley turned up and wouldn't leave us alone.

My fiancée and I would be married by now, if we had the money - basically, I'm skint. I'm studying towards a BA (hons) in university at the moment, and I've been so busy with the work I've not got a job at the moment.

I wouldn't mind a church family, truthfully, it would be nice. My brother and sister-in-law are the only other Christians I know personally - well enough to consider family, anyway.

The problem is, the churches near me are those old fashioned ones which end up becoming a chore.


The baby is due on the eleventh day of the eleventh month

Dude, you live in the UK, you know, heathen godless, socialist UK!!!

Ehehehe, ohhh yes! Tell me about it - I've got some people who live by me, or are in my uni class, who are so Godless - if you say you're Christian, that's it, they hate it.

Maybe my baby won't have much trouble, but the CofE near me has been running around and got nothing done, so I ended up just asking my fiancée to do it.

 

[Linnis]

My fiancée and I would be married by now, if we had the money - basically, I'm skint. I'm studying towards a BA (hons) in university at the moment, and I've been so busy with the work I've not got a job at the moment.

Money or lack there of is not a reason or at least a very good one for not getting married. My DH and I probably had the cheapest wedding in history.

I wouldn't mind a church family, truthfully, it would be nice. My brother and sister-in-law are the only other Christians I know personally - well enough to consider family, anyway.

The problem is, the churches near me are those old fashioned ones which end up becoming a chore.

Finding a church you like isn't easy, I went to 6 before I found one that suited me best. I don't know if they have lots of different types of churches in England but if they do it may be an idea.

The baby is due on the eleventh day of the eleventh month

That's cool.

 

[jgonz]

Baby's due Nov. 11th? That's my 16 yr old's birthday! It's also Veteran's Day here in the States. LOL

IMO, formal baptism isn't an issue. We baptized our 7 yr old last summer in the pool. It's what's between you and G-d that matters.

The marriage issue, well, you Should be married if you're going to live together. DH & I stood up in front of a judge (neither of us cared to have a big wedding with lots of people). Plus, we did things backwards since we'd had our first child Before getting married... I recommend doing things in order. It's much easier and simpler in the long run.

Congratulations on the new baby coming!

 

[Athene]

It doesn't really make much difference in the UK whether they get married before or after the baby is born, un-married fathers as of 2001 are automatically granted parental responsibility.

I don't know if it's the same in the US but in the UK a basic registry office wedding ( similar to a judge but a registrar only deals with the registry of births deaths and marriages) costs £40, that's the same as a weeks shopping money, plus odion is a student and it's the end of the academic year so he won't be getting another loan cheque until september/october, so it could be a choice between getting married that week, or eating for the week . . .

 

[Linnis]

I'm sure if marrying was top on his list he could find time even if he has to take an odd job to make the 40 or so so he and his fiancee could marry. I know many couples who live on student loans(they work the same in Canada and the US too) and got married.

 

[seamonster]

PMming you about the marriage part...

As far as being "legally" baptised, I think what matters is the heart of it all. Many denominations believe that you can be baptised anywhere and it be considered baptism....it doesn't have to be in a church, or by a pastor.

 

[Athene]

I'm sure if marrying was top on his list he could find time even if he has to take an odd job to make the 40 or so so he and his fiancee could marry. I know many couples who live on student loans(they work the same in Canada and the US too) and got married.

I'm sure he could, but either way he's not going to get married instantaneously, he actually couldn't do that anyway, in the UK we have to have wedding banns published 3 months in advance of the ceremony, unless couples buy a special license but that costs alot more money.

I don't see what the fuss is about anyway, odion has a perfectly good 'biblical' marriage, they didn't have lisences back in those days.

 

[ufonium2]

Why does the UK make it so hard to get married? Yesterday, my dad (a judge) married two friends of mine in their kitchen. It took less than two minutes, the license cost $12, and they got it the day before they got married. They could've gotten it the day of, but wanted to get married on a Saturday so we could have a barbeque immediately aferwards

 

[InnocentOdion]

Wow, that's awesome!!

The reason why the UK makes it so hard.. because the people in power hate us?
Honestly, I wonder how many people haven't married or delayed it longer than they originally wanted to because of this countries' love of documents.


When I get the money, I will. Until then, no chance.
I'm not loaning or anything. I don't even plan on staying in this country, so a loan or anything would just hinder me.

 

[Athene]

Why does the UK make it so hard to get married? Yesterday, my dad (a judge) married two friends of mine in their kitchen. It took less than two minutes, the license cost $12, and they got it the day before they got married. They could've gotten it the day of, but wanted to get married on a Saturday so we could have a barbeque immediately aferwards

It all dates back to ye olden times to prevent elopements - the rich daughters of noblemen were targeted by unscruplous fortune hunters who persuaded the poor young women to marry, obviously this wasnt a happy prospect for the parents of the young women so they persuaded parliment to pass a law where couples would have to publish banns a month or so in advance - banns had to be published in the local parish churches of the bride and groom and because in those days more people attended church, it increased the liklehood of friends and family finding out about the wedding and stopping it. This was only in England and Wales I think, Scotland still allowed couples to marry whenever they wanted without banns, as a result Gretna green became a very popular destination for eloping couples.

The banns aren't used for this purpose anymore, more to prevent illegal marriages from taking place, for example if the bride or the groom are already married, if they're brother and sister, if one of them is being forced into marriage - it gives people a chance to find out and to object if they see any 'lawful impediment'.

There is a special lisence that can be obtained which enables a couple to marry without having to have the banns published, it costs a great deal more though, most couples who get married at a registry office (as apposed to infront of a judge) prefer to book in advance and save cash.

 

[lin1235]

When I get the money, I will. Until then, no chance.
I'm not loaning or anything. I don't even plan on staying in this country, so a loan or anything would just hinder me.

Just curious: How much does it cost (in pounds)?

And if you're not planning to stay in the UK, why don't you leave now and go somewhere that you can get married more easily?

Are you and your fiancee still living together? Please don't flame me for this, but as far as I'm concerned you are sinning by having sex before marriage, and I was hoping that you guys would abstain until you can get married.

 

[InnocentOdion]

According to the guy at the church, about £600 (about US$1100) for just the priest, the blessings, etc - the bare minimum.

I can't leave the country yet because I'm currently studying for a degree, and I've just finished my first year - sooner I get it done, sooner I can get out and stay out.

Are you and your fiancee still living together? Please don't flame me for this, but as far as I'm concerned you are sinning by having sex before marriage, and I was hoping that you guys would abstain until you can get married.

Yes, we are. And not a chance. I'm married as far as I care - why does a Priest need to tell me I'm married if a judge is accepted, too? Also, please note the first part of my thread:

The idea that I won't be accepted by Christians, or even worse, my fiancée and my child, won't be accepted - would cause me a lot of anger. It would make me feel as though 'if this is the Christian way... then I can't be happy as a Christian', but I don't want to give up this way.

Hope this helps,
IO

 

[lin1235]

In no way am I saying you would not be accepted by Christians! My point is, you are choosing to sin by continuing to have sex before marriage.

God does tell us to abide by the law and while there is no requirement that you be married before a priest, it is also my understanding that you haven't been married before a judge or in any way that would make your marriage legal, so in the law you are not married. You don't have to live apart from your fiancee, but just ignoring the fact that it's a sin to have sex when you are not married does not make it less of a sin.

 

[ByLoveAndGrace]

I'm gonna be a daddy!

However, I'm a little nervous.

1. My fiancée and I are not married (formally at least)
2. I am not baptised (formally, my fiancée has baptised me)
3. I don't go to church (we're going to start home churching because the local churches are never open often)

I'm curious as to whether or not I'll be ostracised by other Christians for this. The idea that I won't be accepted by Christians, or even worse, my fiancée and my child, won't be accepted - would cause me a lot of anger. It would make me feel as though 'if this is the Christian way... then I can't be happy as a Christian', but I don't want to give up this way.

Also, I want to get my child Christened (infant baptism) but will me not being formally baptised matter?

Advice?

Thanks,

IO

First of all, no not all christians will ostracize you, I would say that according to the bible having sex out of wedlock is wrong. BUT, we all sin, we all make mistakes. It's a fact of life, that's why Jesus was sent to die for us.

No not being formally baptized doesn't mean anything. Being saved is important, all baptism serves for is showing the public of the decision you've made to follow Christ. You are not going to hell because you haven't been baptized, and no your child will not suffer either.

Do not run from christianity because there will be christians out there that judge you, however, they will be judged by God for that, so don't you worry about them... however, welcome to the christian family. Know and love God, and believe that Jesus Christ came to die for your sin, we are only saved by grace through faith in him.

 

[InnocentOdion]

First of all, no not all christians will ostracize you, I would say that according to the bible having sex out of wedlock is wrong. BUT, we all sin, we all make mistakes. It's a fact of life, that's why Jesus was sent to die for us.

No not being formally baptized doesn't mean anything. Being saved is important, all baptism serves for is showing the public of the decision you've made to follow Christ. You are not going to hell because you haven't been baptized, and no your child will not suffer either.

Do not run from christianity because there will be christians out there that judge you, however, they will be judged by God for that, so don't you worry about them... however, welcome to the christian family. Know and love God, and believe that Jesus Christ came to die for your sin, we are only saved by grace through faith in him.

Thank you!
I'm happy in Christianity, except I've had a few instances where people try to decide what I should or shouldn't do, but on the whole, it's all been good.

In no way am I saying you would not be accepted by Christians! My point is, you are choosing to sin by continuing to have sex before marriage.

God does tell us to abide by the law and while there is no requirement that you be married before a priest, it is also my understanding that you haven't been married before a judge or in any way that would make your marriage legal, so in the law you are not married. You don't have to live apart from your fiancee, but just ignoring the fact that it's a sin to have sex when you are not married does not make it less of a sin.

Sorry, I misinterpreted!

As far as I'm concerned, I'm married in the eyes of God. I personally don't think I need someone else, judge or priest, to tell me I'm married - if a judge can do what a priest can do, I don't need a judge or priest, because the judge is just a man like me. I obey God's laws, as well as I can. Just out of curiosity, what do you define as marriage?

In your eyes, I might be sinning, but not in mine. I might not be married to her, but with the current state of Christendom, with so many people leaving it, I think there's bigger fish to fry that trying to stop my sex life because someone else hasn't married me, costing lots of money. I don't know many people, Christian or not, who haven't had premarital sex.

At least I've got the commitment- I've known my fiancée for 15 years and been dating nearly 2, so it's not like it's someone I don't know or have just met, and besides, isn't the average rate of divorce one in three nowadays? Why do I need to rush into marriage to please others? I'll do it when I have the money and when the time is right.