Going with the flow vs. following my heart?

[Finesse]

Okay, I have a big question that maybe anyone can help me with. I was raised in a non-christian (pagan, more or less) environment. I've been to church about 15ish times (my best friend is a very faithful Christian.)
When I go to church, or youth groups, etc., I admire the way Christians...are. They seem to have a joy in their lives that is unremovable. I am completely envious! It's like...it doesn't matter what bad things will happen, they believe that God has a purpose for them and that they will make it through. I tried the Christian thing a few-times because I wanted to be "saved", I wanted Jesus in my life. I actually truly asked for salvation and it was a very emotional thing for me.
My problem is that I can imagine believing that Jesus is the Son of God when I'm around other Christians, but if I imagine being alone on this earth...it just doesn't fit. It doesn't feel right.
My personal beliefs are that God isn't a being, God is the life or spirit of all things natural i.e) trees, water, air, sunlight, even rocks! (Mind you, I'm a nature enthusiast!) But that's what feels right in my heart, that's where I feel genuinely spiritually connected. Not when I think about Jesus or while I'm in a church. I believe that Jesus spread the word of true love, which is what I believe this world should be built upon, but I don't seem him as anymore than a prophet, or someone who was very spiritually connected. I know there's the whole ressurection...which is the main part, but I'd rather focus on his message.
My whole problem is very frustrating but basically, I can't seem to be able to worship "a man" which is what I envision when I think of "Jesus Christ". It's bothering me a lot because I love the Christian message.
Another problem I have is that Christians are very intimidating to me. Even this board is intimidating, it's like thousands of Christians against one non-believer. I always feel judged around Christians because I don't lead a "pure" life. I drink, smoke occasionally, have pre-marital sex, etc. I am happy with my life but I would also be willing to change it for a cause. (For example, if I somehow became a Christian.) I just feel that I can't connect with other Christians due to my background. Christians seem so perfect and I always feel that they won't accept me unless I lead that lifestyle as well. I also find that Christianity has become very political (for example, same-sex marriage debate) and I am a very liberal person. Is this another reason why I don't fit in with Christians? How, if I became a Christian, would I ever be able to bond with fellow Christians?
It seems like Jesus has become "cool" and I think that destroys the essence of Christ... the moment I am around Christians and I feel like I'm fitting in, I lose my humbleness. I feel like I've joined THEM, and then I feel disconnected from the rest of humanity. I can't seem to find a balance between spirituality (which is very personal to me) and fellowship (which I also find important.)

Okay, that was long but that's the problem I'm having right now and I'd REALLY appreciate your advice, input, help, support, etc. ! Thanks so much!

 

[NothingButTheBlood]

Some of your spiritual questions you will have to make a decision on. By man do you mean a male or a human? The signicance of Christ's death is He dies for you. Taking away your sin and making you clean.

As far as your past most Christians don't come from a squeaky clean background. I was into drugs and attempted suicide before I was saved. I would recommend to keep fellowshiping with your Christian friends. Also try reading the New Testament and maybe praying or talking to God. If may be a matter of gaining trust.

 

[DIVA_for_Christ]

Okay, I have a big question that maybe anyone can help me with. I was raised in a non-christian (pagan, more or less) environment. I've been to church about 15ish times (my best friend is a very faithful Christian.)
When I go to church, or youth groups, etc., I admire the way Christians...are. They seem to have a joy in their lives that is unremovable.

That joy is wonderful and you can have it as well. It's available to all who believe and accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour.

I am completely envious! It's like...it doesn't matter what bad things will happen, they believe that God has a purpose for them and that they will make it through. I tried the Christian thing a few-times because I wanted to be "saved", I wanted Jesus in my life. I actually truly asked for salvation and it was a very emotional thing for me.

Being a Christian is more than something to try. It's a commitment to a lifestyle of following the example Jesus left for us.

Salvation is very real and very personal. Keep seeking God and in His timing and in His way He will snatch you up. You will end up looking back on things in your life, from your past to present and realize how through it all - God had your back, even when you wanted nothing to do with Him.

My problem is that I can imagine believing that Jesus is the Son of God when I'm around other Christians, but if I imagine being alone on this earth...it just doesn't fit. It doesn't feel right.

Too imagine believing is not the same thing as believing. Being a Christian is a faith walk. We have God given emotions and feelings yet we aren't supposed to be controlled by our emotions or feelings.

Have you ever known or believed something when everything around suggested otherwise? (ie - you believed you were going to get that job, yet no calls back, then out of the blue - you get the job offer and the whole time that they didn't return your calls (suggestions to the fact that you weren't going to get the job) you still believed deep down in your heart that you had the job.

You have to believe in Jesus like that. No matter what everything around says or suggests, you have to still know because you believe.

My personal beliefs are that God isn't a being, God is the life or spirit of all things natural i.e) trees, water, air, sunlight, even rocks! (Mind you, I'm a nature enthusiast!) But that's what feels right in my heart, that's where I feel genuinely spiritually connected.

God created all. To place God in things is a form of idolatry and we end up worshiping the created and not the creator.

Not when I think about Jesus or while I'm in a church. I believe that Jesus spread the word of true love, which is what I believe this world should be built upon, but I don't seem him as anymore than a prophet, or someone who was very spiritually connected. I know there's the whole ressurection...which is the main part, but I'd rather focus on his message.

We can't pick and choose what we want to believe about Jesus. To deny one thing about Jesus is to deny Jesus in totality. However, don't be discouraged because as you are asking questions and you continue to seek God, more of His truth will be revealed to you and you will get to the point where you believe and accept Jesus and everything He did for you.

My whole problem is very frustrating but basically, I can't seem to be able to worship "a man" which is what I envision when I think of "Jesus Christ".

We aren't supposed to worship a man, we are to worship God and acknowledge what Jesus did for us. God loved you so much that He had His only Son sacrificed so that all of your sins would be forgiven and once you accepted this you are adopted into His family.

It's bothering me a lot because I love the Christian message.
Another problem I have is that Christians are very intimidating to me. Even this board is intimidating, it's like thousands of Christians against one non-believer. I always feel judged around Christians because I don't lead a "pure" life.

Unfortunately, some Christians can say things that are cruel and judgemental. Then there are times that we look at one another and see how much of Christ characteristics are working in our lives. God will use that to begin the process of wanting us to live in the manner He created us to live.

None of us were living pure before we can to Christ. And some of us still don't live pure after we've accepted Christ. We you need to understand is that God wants us to come to Him as we are. With all of our issues - if we could clean up our lives what would we need Him for?

I drink, smoke occasionally, have pre-marital sex, etc. I am happy with my life but I would also be willing to change it for a cause. (For example, if I somehow became a Christian.)

Purity is a process. God will clean you up in the manner that He sees fit. We all have issues so don't feel any less worthy. None of us are worthy or better than the other. The cause will be because of your love for Jesus.

I just feel that I can't connect with other Christians due to my background. Christians seem so perfect and I always feel that they won't accept me unless I lead that lifestyle as well. I also find that Christianity has become very political (for example, same-sex marriage debate) and I am a very liberal person.

Once again, this is a process. As we grow in God, we seek more things of God and our opinions change to the way God sees things.

Is this another reason why I don't fit in with Christians? How, if I became a Christian, would I ever be able to bond with fellow Christians?

One day at a time. We are all on different levels of maturity and growth. The condition of our heart towards God is what counts. A person could be saved for 20+ years and God might not be able to use them the same way a person who just accepted Christ because of their heart attitude.

It seems like Jesus has become "cool" and I think that destroys the essence of Christ... the moment I am around Christians and I feel like I'm fitting in, I lose my humbleness. I feel like I've joined THEM, and then I feel disconnected from the rest of humanity. I can't seem to find a balance between spirituality (which is very personal to me) and fellowship (which I also find important.)

It's not about connecting with people as it is connecting with God. People will disappoint you, hurt you, **** you off but through it all - God will never let you down.

Okay, that was long but that's the problem I'm having right now and I'd REALLY appreciate your advice, input, help, support, etc. ! Thanks so much!

Just don't give up. Keep seeking God and once you get to the point that you can accept Jesus - you will be on a roll!!!

 

[Anti Existance]

understand that you are always unconditionally loved and accepted by God , you dont have to seek acceptance of mankind, when you become a loving and helping person; you are on the right course: Many of us christians have had dreadfull selfish wolve in sheepclothes behaviour ; only god truelly knows your heart; one time a person who had a near death experience was amazed how jezus still had love for her son who was in a satanical sekte, when she asked jesus how this was possible jesus replied to her that he knew what thoughts led her son into sin: jesus will show this same unconditional love for you: Therefore think love and accept Jesus as your savior , and give your life to God: if you do this then no christian has the right to judge you:

 

[just_dance]

Don't try to find him if you leave it in his hands he will find you. Just say Dear Lord I know you love me but let me find my own path with you. Find me.
Here some song lyrics of one of my favorite singer.

Hold On
(Nichole Nordeman)

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at the needle's end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow
It will follow you into a stranger's bed

Just let him find you. You already see what he can do to people. I cam't wait to see what he can do with your life. One of my close friends used to do drugs, drink he has even been arested. Now he doesn't do druges and he is only a social drinker, he has even joined the army now! God has this way of changing people and they don't even know it.Follow you heart once he has entered your life and you won't know how far you can go!

 

[Finesse]

Hmm. I've been thinking a lot...and I'm starting to notice a trend...I've looked into a lot of faiths in the last 5 years or so. However, it seems to be that Jesus and Christianity is the one that always pops into my mind first and it seems to be the only one that really...sticks. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Maybe there's something to this. Maybe it's the whole Jesus is in your heart thing. I don't know...I think I'm going to read a bit of the Bible...randomly and see how I feel after that.

*I'm a stubborn as a mule* btw!

I've considered what all of you said and a lot of it is "easier said than done" stuff, like, I know those things but I have no idea how to apply them? I guess it's a blind leap sorta thing...maybe there are no "rules". Thanks, though, you've given me lots more to think about. : )

 

[DIVA_for_Christ]

Hmm. I've been thinking a lot...and I'm starting to notice a trend...I've looked into a lot of faiths in the last 5 years or so. However, it seems to be that Jesus and Christianity is the one that always pops into my mind first and it seems to be the only one that really...sticks. I don't know, it's hard to explain. Maybe there's something to this. Maybe it's the whole Jesus is in your heart thing. I don't know...I think I'm going to read a bit of the Bible...randomly and see how I feel after that.

That's God pulling at your heart. Start with the book of John - really stresses God's love and how to love Him back.

*I'm a stubborn as a mule* btw!

Oh, don't worry, he'll break that!

I've considered what all of you said and a lot of it is "easier said than done" stuff, like, I know those things but I have no idea how to apply them? I guess it's a blind leap sorta thing...maybe there are no "rules". Thanks, though, you've given me lots more to think about. : )

We can tell you because, we've been through what you are going through.

Take everything one day at a time, it's a daily on-going process. Just let God lead you - less of a fight that way.

 

[Finesse]

The more I think about this, the more it gets worse.

I feel like I am incapable of love, and this isn't an understatement. I don't feel any love for my parents, my best friends, anyone. There isn't anything there. And I know that sounds cruel and it's the most honest thing I've ever said. All I think about is myself. I honestly don't care if anyone else dies, I only care how it will affect me. I don't make a conscious effort to do this but that's how it ends up. I've never been in love and I don't believe in falling in love. I would never give my life for another, I would probably only give it for a cause. I can in no way envision having a family as I would never be able to love a husband or a child. I feel at this point that I would only do these things to fit in with society, which, are obviously the wrong reasons.

So how could I put my faith in something when I feel no love. How can I be "saved" if I don't love the fact that Jesus supposively died for me. If my parents died for me, I would be grateful but I wouldn't love them...so how could I love a God that I feel disconnected from to begin with?

I'm a very selfish person, I know. But I am being brutally honest because I don't want to live like this. I want to be like everyone else; loving their parents, friends, lovers, God, etc. I have contemplated suicide over this because I don't believe that I should live in this world when my thoughts are considered borderline evil. I honestly want help and I want to feel what everyone else feels when they cry at funerals or get married. But in my world...none of that matters, I only care about whether or not I'm alive and I'm happy.

 

[Windmill]

The more I think about this, the more it gets worse.

I feel like I am incapable of love, and this isn't an understatement. I don't feel any love for my parents, my best friends, anyone. There isn't anything there. And I know that sounds cruel and it's the most honest thing I've ever said. All I think about is myself. I honestly don't care if anyone else dies, I only care how it will affect me. I don't make a conscious effort to do this but that's how it ends up. I've never been in love and I don't believe in falling in love. I would never give my life for another, I would probably only give it for a cause. I can in no way envision having a family as I would never be able to love a husband or a child. I feel at this point that I would only do these things to fit in with society, which, are obviously the wrong reasons.

So how could I put my faith in something when I feel no love. How can I be "saved" if I don't love the fact that Jesus supposively died for me. If my parents died for me, I would be grateful but I wouldn't love them...so how could I love a God that I feel disconnected from to begin with?

I'm a very selfish person, I know. But I am being brutally honest because I don't want to live like this. I want to be like everyone else; loving their parents, friends, lovers, God, etc. I have contemplated suicide over this because I don't believe that I should live in this world when my thoughts are considered borderline evil. I honestly want help and I want to feel what everyone else feels when they cry at funerals or get married. But in my world...none of that matters, I only care about whether or not I'm alive and I'm happy.

Sometimes, I feel the same way!

This may also sound cruel, but for several points on that list.... what can you expect? More particulary, the idea of giving your life up for another. If I were to die, it would not be as much of an issue to me, because I believe I'm saved! That I'll awake in a better place. What have I got to loose? You have everything to loose and nothing much to gain...

About the whole loving thing. Love is a funny thing. I don't feel love towards my parents, but as I went into the operating room, even though the operation was ever so minor, the very thought of going in and leaving mum absolutely terriified me to the point of tears, and I'm unemotional. I just wanted mum to stay by my side. Luckily, she was able to for a good part, and it helped me deal with it (I'm such an egg, I was trying not to cry! but if mum hadn't been allowed in right up until the room before the operating room where I got my anesthetic so I was basically out to the world anyway afterwards, I would've defiantly have been a sobbing scene) yet, afterwards, I go back to being my super individualist me. I'm naturally an unemotional person. I'm starting to wonder, if love for me is different than how other people have love. Not everyone is emotional and feels it strongly. Maybe its just as strong for you, but you do not realise it.

This is probably my biggest problem with being a christian. I believe God exists, completely, I spend time studying, I'm grateful for being saved, yet I have trouble being able to prove I love him, and if I do, I suspect it is no greater than my parents! Fact is, I do not know how to distinguish love, which worries me that its because I wonder if I do. But the seperation from my mum seemed almost unbearable, and I wonder if that does show I love her

 

[YutsukiKononiko]

I don't believe that I should live in this world when my thoughts are considered borderline evil.

remember that we live in a tainted world, and we all have evil thoughts. and try not to think yours are "more evil" or such things. i think everyone's thoughts effect them differently. remember that it is possible to control your thoughts (i know sometimes it's hard to, sometimes i don't even want to.) and be encouraged that others struggle with those thoughts as well.

 

[4christ88]

Hi Finesse,

Most of the problems you're facing is probably due to your background and the way you were brought up. But we christians all face problems no matter how perfect we may seem on the outside. it isn't easy to look cheerful in the face of loads of troubles and sadness, but with God;'s help we somehow do.

And you are right, many things are easily said than done

I actually truly asked for salvation and it was a very emotional thing for me.

Are you sure you truly understood what you were doing whenyou asked for salvation? as all you said afterwards denied everything you're supposed to believe when asking for salvation. I know it isn't easy to comprehend many things especially Jesus being God and all. But what I understand of it is that Jesus was God in human form. That's why there were no record of him sinning and he did all these miracles and most importantly as you already know - he rose from the dead and there are no historical records of anyone disproving that and finding his body in the grave or anywhere else.

About you not possibly having the ability you love, i'm sure you do but not in the usual ways people display their love. And if not, God can change all that.

I don't really know what else to say and I don't want to add more to your thoughts. The only thing i have to say is that if you really want answers and to understand, only God can really help you to do so and truly love. ask Him.

God bless,
Tomini

 

[AnarKiss]

My personal beliefs are that God isn't a being, God is the life or spirit of all things natural i.e) trees, water, air, sunlight, even rocks! (Mind you, I'm a nature enthusiast!) But that's what feels right in my heart, that's where I feel genuinely spiritually connected.
My whole problem is very frustrating but basically, I can't seem to be able to worship "a man" which is what I envision when I think of "Jesus Christ". It's bothering me a lot because I love the Christian message.
Another problem I have is that Christians are very intimidating to me. Even this board is intimidating, it's like thousands of Christians against one non-believer. I always feel judged around Christians because I don't lead a "pure" life. I drink, smoke occasionally, have pre-marital sex, etc. I am happy with my life but I would also be willing to change it for a cause. (For example, if I somehow became a Christian.) I just feel that I can't connect with other Christians due to my background. Christians seem so perfect and I always feel that they won't accept me unless I lead that lifestyle as well. I also find that Christianity has become very political (for example, same-sex marriage debate) and I am a very liberal person. Is this another reason why I don't fit in with Christians? How, if I became a Christian, would I ever be able to bond with fellow Christians?
It seems like Jesus has become "cool" and I think that destroys the essence of Christ... the moment I am around Christians and I feel like I'm fitting in, I lose my humbleness. I feel like I've joined THEM, and then I feel disconnected from the rest of humanity. I can't seem to find a balance between spirituality (which is very personal to me) and fellowship (which I also find important.)

Okay, that was long but that's the problem I'm having right now and I'd REALLY appreciate your advice, input, help, support, etc. ! Thanks so much!

Congrats! I'm reading your post and just going "yeah...yeah...yeah". You're actually a lot further on in a real faith walk than many Christians I know. Don't be put off by all the apparent beliefs you must subscribe to. God is bigger than any of them. In fact, God is bigger than Christianity or any religion.

I love your ideas on God - as the life and spirit of things and not a being. I too see God as the Source of Life, Love, Being and Value.

And you'll be pleased to know that Jesus does fit in with this. Of course, I'm not talking strictly about the historical Jesus - of him we can know very little. But of the Jesus-effect that influenced followers from a huge variety of backgrounds to have radical life changes, as recorded 50-150 years after Jesus died.

In Jesus, people saw God (Love, Life, Being, Value) like never before. Jesus is an example of how a fulfilled Humanity radiates the Divine. I don't worship a human Jesus, I worship the Source of Jesus Love... God.

Some reading you may like:
Marcus Borg "Meeting Jesus Again for the First Time"
John Shelby Spong "A New Christianity for A New World"
Philip Yancey "The Jesus I Never Knew"

 

[lexie]

God is bigger than any of them. In fact, God is bigger than Christianity or any religion.

Yep, I agree with this. God is greater we can possibly imagine.

 

[Finesse]

Well, first off, thanks to everyone because I read all your replies and they helped a great deal!
I'm scared to actually give myself over to Christ because it feels like I've been down that road over and over again. It's always like "well, what's different this time?" All those other times I thought I believed as well, or maybe I never stopped?
I guess maybe I am capable of love but I've always been so afraid to be hurt. I guess because I'm a coward and I have trouble giving things "my all". I just don't know if I have what it takes to give God my all. It's taking that final plunge that's holding me back.

 

[NothingButTheBlood]

Well, first off, thanks to everyone because I read all your replies and they helped a great deal!
I'm scared to actually give myself over to Christ because it feels like I've been down that road over and over again. It's always like "well, what's different this time?" All those other times I thought I believed as well, or maybe I never stopped?
I guess maybe I am capable of love but I've always been so afraid to be hurt. I guess because I'm a coward and I have trouble giving things "my all". I just don't know if I have what it takes to give God my all. It's taking that final plunge that's holding me back.

Are you concerned about the changes you feel you will have to make in your life once your saved.

 

[Finesse]

Are you concerned about the changes you feel you will have to make in your life once your saved.

Mainly. I don't feel like I have enough self-esteem to stand up for what I believe in when I have to. Well, I know I don't.

 

[Windmill]

Well, first off, thanks to everyone because I read all your replies and they helped a great deal!
I'm scared to actually give myself over to Christ because it feels like I've been down that road over and over again. It's always like "well, what's different this time?" All those other times I thought I believed as well, or maybe I never stopped?
I guess maybe I am capable of love but I've always been so afraid to be hurt. I guess because I'm a coward and I have trouble giving things "my all". I just don't know if I have what it takes to give God my all. It's taking that final plunge that's holding me back.

Look, you'll constantly go through your christian experience, and increase in faith. Right now, you may feel spiritually better than you ever have, but 2 years down the track, you may look back at yourself now and laugh, and think your relationship with God is nothing like it is now. Trust me, I'm going through that all the time!
Maybe it isn't much different. But christianity is a commitment. It isn't just some magical thing. You grow closer to God by working at it, like a relationship with another human being. The difference this time, may be that you're willing to work of the relationship.

About your ideas of God being nature. Do you take the bible literally? If so, he makes it ver clear he is a seperate being in Genesis

 

[Finesse]

Look, you'll constantly go through your christian experience, and increase in faith. Right now, you may feel spiritually better than you ever have, but 2 years down the track, you may look back at yourself now and laugh, and think your relationship with God is nothing like it is now. Trust me, I'm going through that all the time!
Maybe it isn't much different. But christianity is a commitment. It isn't just some magical thing. You grow closer to God by working at it, like a relationship with another human being. The difference this time, may be that you're willing to work of the relationship.



About your ideas of God being nature. Do you take the bible literally? If so, he makes it ver clear he is a seperate being in Genesis

Oh, I kind of get the first part but I don't feel spiritually better lol, actually I don't feel any different.

The second part confuses me. There are too many versions of Christianity and I've heard too many different things!

 

[bethdinsmore]

Well, first off, thanks to everyone because I read all your replies and they helped a great deal!
I'm scared to actually give myself over to Christ because it feels like I've been down that road over and over again. It's always like "well, what's different this time?" All those other times I thought I believed as well, or maybe I never stopped?
I guess maybe I am capable of love but I've always been so afraid to be hurt. I guess because I'm a coward and I have trouble giving things "my all". I just don't know if I have what it takes to give God my all. It's taking that final plunge that's holding me back.

Hi Finesse

I am trying to read between the lines, and it sound to me as if you think a person must do or give up certain things to be saved. I am going to address that issue, and if I've made the wrong assumption, I apologize. In that case, you might want to skip section I.
I. "HOW CAN I TELL WHETHER OR NOT I AM GOING TO HEAVEN?"

Here are some things to consider in order to know for sure:

If you stood before God at the entrance gates to Heaven, and He asked you "Why should I let you into Heaven?" - what would you tell Him?

Please take a moment and think about that before reading on..........

The answer would be wrong if it included anything about your good works, or promising to be good.

The answer would be right if it showed nothing but a reliance on Jesus to save you, based on His death on the cross to pay for all your sins and to get you to Heaven one day.

Here's the Gospel:

Rom 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, (NIV)
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)
Eph 2:8-9 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. (NIV)
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (NIV)

And eternal is exactly what it is - we cannot lose our salvation no matter what we do or don't do, or how we feel:
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (NIV)
Rom 11:29 for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable. (NIV)
John 10:28 I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. (NIV)

And here is God's guarantee:
I Jn 5:13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. (NIV)

So - we just make the decision to rely on Christ alone to be our sinbearer and to get us to Heaven one day, without any good works or promises of our own. In other words, "faith alone in Christ alone plus nothing".

II. In the Bible there are 3 types of love: friendship love, erotic love, and self-sacrificing love. The last is the ultimate, and is not based on feeling a certain way. Once we are saved, God says we love Him if we obey Him. And we can ask Him to make us more loving. One of the fruits of the Spirit is love. That means that the Holy Spirit will be changing us to build up that up in us. So we just do the right thing and leave our feelings to Him.

III. If there is something in your past that makes you afraid to love, you might want to check out a Christian support group such as Overcomers Outreach, or discuss things in the Recovery forums here or pm particular posters.These people can share their experience, strength, and hope with you. Been thru it myself, and God has changed me deeply and dramatically.
(If interested, see my website.)

IV. God guarantees that He will constantly make Christians more Christlike:

Phil 1:6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (NIV)


God bless you, friend. I'll pray for you. Aloha in Jesus

 

[Finesse]

Well after a long week involving
1.) a completely unplanned post to this website, where I had this huge urge to be completely honest about my feelings towards myself/God
2.) A close consideration of everything that all of you said
3.) A completely crazy nervous breakdown at 1:00 a.m. triggered by absolutely nothing
4.) An honest realization that this "God" that everyone talks about, (a word that I would cringe at), loves me for who I am/doesn't hate me for my failures. It's not like that's the first time I'd heard that, it's just the first time I knew it.
5.) Coming home to find an enormous bat in my room clinging to my curtains. (It is now free, after much screaming, running around and towel-swinging.

I have realized that God=love, love=God. Maybe I will eventually see myself the way God does. I think I finally see Jesus as something other than yet another reason for me to feel ashamed and guilty, which is what I had always felt. I think I'm still a bit wary of stuff, I guess it's in my nature to assume that the moment I believe that Jesus died for my sins, I will automatically stop sinning, where in reality I have probably increased my number of sins. But that's okay, I don't really feel guilt anymore. Okay, I'm rambling, I'm sorry, I have no one else I can really talk to about this. My life hasn't improved and I don't feel excited or like I can move mountains or anything, I just feel at peace with love (and by love I mean God).
Thanks to all who took the time to respond, I guess I took the plunge