going to university...

[California Dreamin']

Hey everyone!
I am going to university in 11 days!
There is a real pressure at this particular university to get *married*. I am not married, not engaged, and actually I am dating a non-Christian. Anyways, guys basically just check out girls, see if they have a ring and go from there.
I am so scared. A lot of people are telling me to leave my boyfriend because he is a non-believer. Of course I want my husband to be a christian! I have prayed for him so much and I am so tired of trying. I am trying to find someone to go to church with me there because the church I want to go to is quite big and I won't know anyone. I've never really had a successful relationship that wasn't a long distance relationship. I met my boyfriend on the Internet, he lives where I am moving for university.

1) What do I do with my boyfriend?
What if he never becomes a Christian? Do I set a deadline?
2) How do I deal with guys at school? I have no idea how to act around guys. I guess it's why I can't find or keep a boyfriend.

 

[stonetoflesh]

Hi CCB,

Sorry to hear about your troubles... Here are my thoughts:

1. Have you sat down and talked with your bf about your situation and what you want/need in a relationship? You may want to *tactfully* remind him about these pressures facing you without sounding like you're giving him an ultimatum; of course, if you want to give him an ultimatum that's your call! Continue to pray for God's guidance in handling the situation, and for wisdom and insight... You may reach a point where you realize that you're not going to be able to convert your bf; I've experienced this several times with great non-Christian women, and have ultimately ended the relationship because of our differing views on Christianity. It sucks to have to do that, but I know what I want in a relationship and I can't allow myself to compromise on account of convenience or mere comfort.

2. How to deal with guys at school? Just be yourself. If any guy tries to pressure you into dating or something you're not comfortable with, just tell him so. A common point in this particular forum that continually appears in threads is that God has his own time to reveal that special relationship to each of us. He'll lead you into yours, and no amount of social pressure can speed up the process.

Hope this helps a little bit!

 

[caitlincares]

I will tell you what I remember from college days.


1) "Choose a Date who would make a Good Mate" That was on a bookmark I had as a teen.
If you want to marry a Christian you should not be dating a non-Christian.

2) You need to decide what you want from college relationships and determine your boundaries now before you get into a sticky situation.

Myself I was focused on school work and was not that interested in dating.
I had never dated before college.
I was incredibly shy and still had a couple of guy relationships.
But what I valued most where my FRIENDS - both guys and gals.
There was this group of us who did things together - morning devotions, dinging hall, went to movies, studying, and just hung out.

I was at a Christian college my first year and everyone kidded about girls going there to get their "MRS" degree - I just ignored those folks.

 

[TriptychR]

A college whose main concern isn't getting wasted or scoring once a week? Sign me up!

But actually, I'm going back for my senior year, except that I have a single room and barely anyone I know to hang out with. What little firends I hung out with the past few years have all graduated. I'm feeling uneasy about going back.

Anyway, I agree with those above me. You can't hang onto your bf forever if he'll never be a Christian. I just can't see that working well for either of you.

 

[fishstix]

1) What do I do with my boyfriend?
What if he never becomes a Christian? Do I set a deadline?

Probably break up with him and just be friends for now. Missionary dating is not a good idea. If he does become a Christian one day then maybe you'll get back together. Or maybe not. If he never becomes a Christian then you'll have to break up with him eventually anyway as you've said you want to marry a Christian. And the longer you wait before breaking up the harder it will be on both of you.

2) How do I deal with guys at school? I have no idea how to act around guys. I guess it's why I can't find or keep a boyfriend.

Let them know that you want to be friends but are not looking for a romantic relationship at this point if it comes up. Try not to flirt or lead them on. Try to do things as a group and if a guy friend wants to do something one on one be sure to clarify if it is "just as friends" so that you are both on the same page. And if you're not comfortable with one on one, just as friends stuff then don't be scared to turn him down. Basically just try to be really clear about where you stand and what sort of relationships you are and aren't interested in - don't try to keep the guys guessing or they might guess wrong.

 

[macspetra]

I am trying to find someone to go to church with me there because the church I want to go to is quite big and I won't know anyone. I've never really had a successful relationship that wasn't a long distance relationship. I met my boyfriend on the Internet, he lives where I am moving for university.

The whole church thing - try going anyways even if you go by yourself. I was in a new city over the summer and didn't know anybody. It would have been nice to have gone with somebody, but I had decided that I was going to lose out over the summer because I was too shy. I thought of turning back a couple times, but I made it to church. They welcomed me in with open arms. I met some really nice people who invited me to sit with them - I ended up going to a different church, but the experience was a good one. That church was a big one - at least to me. My home church is strting off as a church plant and has maybe 20 - 50 people attending so far.

The whole unsuccessful relationship thing - ever think there could be a reason for it? Maybe God is protecting you from a bad relationship. I agree with everyone else who says that the right relationship will come in time. I havn't experinced it personally myself - but what I have heard and others experienced - it will happen when you least expect it!

Hold onto God and don't let go!!