Going through a divorce

[startingover]

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years and we have a beautiful 15 month old son together. However, our entire marriage, he has been addicted to pornogrpahy and strip clubs, lied to me constantly, smoked pot off and on, had a very bad temper with me and our son, and cheated on me several times.

After I learned that he had sex with one of my best friends on my couch when I was sleeping just 5 feet away, I kicked him out.

For about a week, he tried to get back together with me. After that, he's had so many girlfriends, is always telling me about the bars and clubs he's been going to, stopped going to church completely, and has been telling everyone I'M the one who cheated on HIM.

Am I wrong to divorce him? I feel no love for him anymore and really feel like he is hindering my walk with Jesus. I really don't think he will stop doing any of this. We've been separated for 4 months now. Any advice for me?

 

[Mayzoo]

You are new to this board. Welcome. This is a great site for support and a great place to get advice. I would like to tell you in advance this a place of varied opinions. This can be great when you want varied approaches to be offered. I pray for you to find peace soon.

 

[SirKenin]

The Bible tells us it is not sin to divorce in cases of adultery. The marriage bed has been defiled, the covenant broken.

Soooo.. I don't think you're wrong to divorce him at all on those grounds. At least not Biblically speaking, anyways.

 

[startingover]

Thanks.

 

[bkg]

No advice here other than to ask you to not stop praying for him, even if you do divorce. Right now Satan has a grip on him, and he likely needs your prayers.

 

[desi]

The Bible tells us it is not sin to divorce in cases of adultery. The marriage bed has been defiled, the covenant broken.

This is a lie. Men may divorce in this case, women may not.

Soooo.. I don't think you're wrong to divorce him at all on those grounds. At least not Biblically speaking, anyways.

Listen to this fellow at your own peril, I'm surprised his post hasn't already been deleted or locked for blasphemy. A women should under no terms divorce her husband according to the Bible. Read it yourself.

 

[oldrooster]

You are still young, get rid of the loser and move on.....

 

[SirKenin]

This is a lie. Men may divorce in this case, women may not.


Listen to this fellow at your own peril, I'm surprised his post hasn't already been deleted or locked for blasphemy. A women should under no terms divorce her husband according to the Bible. Read it yourself.

You don't understand history, I don't think.. I will point you to a link that gives evidence in Greece. Women were in fact allowed to divorce, but this was considered rare as women were considered the property of her husband.

For more info see http://www.archaeonia.com/lifestyle/marriage.htm

 

[SirKenin]

Further, the word "autos" (846) which is used in Matthew 19:9 for "him" actually means "himself, herself, themvselves, it" or "he, she it". In other words, the word "autos" has no specific gender.

Be careful that you are not falling into the trap of literalism and labeling me something I'm not.

 

[desi]

You don't understand history, I don't think.. I will point you to a link that gives evidence in Greece. Women were in fact allowed to divorce, but this was considered rare as women were considered the property of her husband.

For more info see http://www.archaeonia.com/lifestyle/marriage.htm

Both times when God talks about this issue he's clear, in Genesis and Matthew. If a woman is to obey her husband the idea of her divorcing him becomes preposterous. Many women seem to lack the tact and wisdom of their predecessors. Instead of using what God gave them to make a difficult marriage better they assume male roles and destroy their marriages.

 

[desi]

Further, the word "autos" (846) which is used in Matthew 19:9 for "him" actually means "himself, herself, themvselves, it" or "he, she it". In other words, the word "autos" has no specific gender.

I'm sure you have an excuse to twist Genesis too.

Be careful that you are not falling into the trap of literalism and labeling me something I'm not.

I take what you say as well as what I read in the word at face value. Perhaps I'm not sophisticated enough to read things that aren't there.

 

[Manna]

This is a great site for support and a great place to get advice. I would like to tell you in advance this a place of varied opinions.

startingover, I'm sure that you can already tell that the above quote is VERY true. As for my opinion...yes, the Bible does say that divorce in the case of marital unfaithfulness is permitted. However, it does not say that we MUST divorce the person. I would highly suggest much, much prayer! I will be praying for you as well. As you know, this is a very serious decision and should not be made in haste. Just know that we've got your back! Let us know how things are going.

Anna

 

[SirKenin]

edit: n/m I got confused.

 

[Johanna73]

I was always taught to beleave that there wasnot a good enough reason to get a devorce... My ex cheated on me, smacked me around, tryed to kill me was the breaking point, I could not stand it anymore... Now after almost 3 yrs we can talk, see one another, and be in the same room... Takes work, but we can do it... So what I am trying to say, I just found out not to long ago, that in the bible it does say we can devorce, But only for one reason Adultery...

Matthew 19 says so...

Johanna

 

[enola]

The bible says we are called to peace. Doesn't sound like you'll get peace with him. Besides he sounds like hes hindering your walk with God, instead of leading you towards God.

 

[startingover]

Are you bitter because your wife has left you, Desi? I have spoken with several Christians about this as divorce is something I would never take lightly. Not one person has said that a woman is not allowed (Biblically) to get a divorce. This is something I have been contemplating for 4 months now.

I was the Biblical submissive wife and I was still cheated on and treated like a doormat. He would spend our money to buy pot and go to strip clubs. Counseling never helped. I have toughed this out and prayed, but it has only gotten worse. I cannot worry any longer that he will give me and STD or get another girl pregnant or go to jail for drugs.

 

[Ruhama]

Desi says a lot of stuff like this. The Bible teaches no such thing.

You would endanger yourself to stay. Get a divorce - but, as someone said earlier, pray for him too if you can bring yourself to do it.

 

[ElizabethanLady]

JMO, but I would worry about diseases from a person like this.
Also, him committing adultery with you in the same room is truly mind-boggling.
He is seriously disturbed.

Don't let him drag you and your child down with him.

 

[startingover]

I have gotten checked out, Thankfully, it came back negative. But I still can't help but worry if the lab missed something or didn't test for a certain STD. I know they didn't use a condom. (I don't think he ever did, any time he cheated on me.) I'll probably go back, just to be sure.

And for doing it in the same room? What if I woke up? How could he have sex with another woman when I was right there? The thoughts make me miserable and wonder if I can ever trust a man again.

I guess I have made up my mind. No reconcilliation. If he can disrepect me and our son (who was sleeping with me) like that and risk giving me a disease (repeatedly), I can't go back to that.

 

[Ruhama]