- May 14, 2002
- 959
- 71
- 42
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Democrat
I don't know recently life has been seeming just to be going around and around- without any clear direction or answers. I know I should be feeling better- but somehow- as much as I try to convince myself that I am doing the right thing for me- and where God wants me- I still find myself- in absolute misery sometimes.
Here is a rundown of things:
1) No Job: I have no job... part of the reason is I can't find one. I have been looking everywhere- praying for one. I get called into interviews, but I get turned down. I do not have a college degree which adds to the fact- that I wont find anything that pays but min. wage- and that's not enough to live on or get ahead.
2) Lonely: I live alone in my apartment...by myself. I got myself into this. It has some benefits- but overwhlemingly, it's boring to be by yourself all the time. My friends are always busy. And I am not going to an ordinary college- so I can't make new ones. It's rather depressing- I am going to be out of my lease on Feb. I hope I can stick it out.
3) No Challenge: The school I am at- is good. But there really is no challenge- I want to get a degree in something- so I can provide for my family when I have one.
I don't know- I was so sure 3 months ago- but sometimes I am not sure I want to do this. I mean I don't really know why I am going into the ministry- maybe I think it's fate that I have to. But... the first three months have seem to be just full of different twists and turns- and it's not like I can't give it up- because- I feel connected to my church- which I dearly love. So it's hard. I am also a person who does not quit- I stay after something. I made up my mind to do this- so I will stick it out. But these things that are consuming me do not seem to give up.
I just need help.
Here is a rundown of things:
1) No Job: I have no job... part of the reason is I can't find one. I have been looking everywhere- praying for one. I get called into interviews, but I get turned down. I do not have a college degree which adds to the fact- that I wont find anything that pays but min. wage- and that's not enough to live on or get ahead.
2) Lonely: I live alone in my apartment...by myself. I got myself into this. It has some benefits- but overwhlemingly, it's boring to be by yourself all the time. My friends are always busy. And I am not going to an ordinary college- so I can't make new ones. It's rather depressing- I am going to be out of my lease on Feb. I hope I can stick it out.
3) No Challenge: The school I am at- is good. But there really is no challenge- I want to get a degree in something- so I can provide for my family when I have one.
I don't know- I was so sure 3 months ago- but sometimes I am not sure I want to do this. I mean I don't really know why I am going into the ministry- maybe I think it's fate that I have to. But... the first three months have seem to be just full of different twists and turns- and it's not like I can't give it up- because- I feel connected to my church- which I dearly love. So it's hard. I am also a person who does not quit- I stay after something. I made up my mind to do this- so I will stick it out. But these things that are consuming me do not seem to give up.
I just need help.