God's will?

[rdielma]

Hi guys. I am 23 years old and my boyfriend Craig is 28. We are both strong Christians and have an awesome relationship with the Lord. We have been together since Feb. and we are best friends. We both have had a rough year. Craig with financial issues (he had his own business) and now he's in a more stable career with steady income. I have had some emotional issues allowing God to heal me from some my controlling, jealous nature..learning to let God and trust in God with all my heart and trust Craig as we began dating. The Lord has taught me so much in these months. Well, Craig and I made a bad choice several months back and lived together for two months for financial reasons, which we both knew was wrong at the time. By God's grace and protection, we remained pure as we slept in separate bedrooms! Well obviously we were both convicted. We talked to our pastor, people in our small groups (me with women and him with men at church) and we confessed to our families and to God...so Craig moved out immediately and I lived in the apartment until today by myself...it was hard but I knew we had to not live together. We weren't married and shouldn't be playing married....At any rate, after he moved out, we took 30 days apart and prayed about our relationship and God's will....we didnt' speak unless we saw each other at church during those 30 days. That was rough since we are used to talking every day. We both felt God brought us back to begin to date again....although we both still were a little scared. I had been controlling and jealous at times and during those 30 days, had really surrendered that over to God, although we all know change can take a little longer than 30 days! At any rate, we did begin dating again and I was super emotional. I have no idea why but I would cry alot and just felt God was still healing me....I have been waking up with crazy anxiety and just full of fear......I have asked God to really heal me of this and if it's that I'm not supposed to be with Craig, that God would show me..I just don't feel God would speak through my anxiety since He knows how much it damages me..?
So, I asked Craig for more time and time to heal...I've still had major anxiety during this time away. Craig is helping me move out of that apartment this week so I've seen him every day which hasn't helped...I know God is not a God of confusion.....I do love Craig and want to be with him.....I have asked God to reveal His will and just bless Craig and I, even if we aren't meant to be in a dating relationship.....
I felt God really told me Craig was the one for me early on so I don't know what all this emotional mess is in me.....has anyone experienced this or could it be God telling me I'm not ready just yet? I dont' want to be afraid because I know God's will is amazing......but I do love Craig and I'm trying not to be selfish, if God is asking me to let him go....If anyone can share anything with me or share if they've ever struggled with anything similar....please share......
God bless you-please pray for Craig and I....
Love,
Rachel

 

[rach]

I don't know what to tell you. I mean if you guys stayed pure and then moved apart, then it seems like you have been focused on God's will, which is a good thing. So I don't know why you are acting emotionally. Do you think you need to go to the doctor or something? Are you stressed because of your job or something? I guess I'm confused what you get anxious about. The best advice I can give you is to pray about it. I'm sorry I'm not more of help, but I'm proud of you guys not sleeping together and then moving apart, and I'm sure all your family is too. I don't think you should be anxious about that anymore because you did the right thing. I don't know...good luck, and keep praying!