God's will

[12Joseph12]

Hello everyone. Well, first a little of my history. I've been dating a girl for a long time. In the beginning my feelings for her were not that strong…and please don’t ask why I’ve decided to be with her…I could say I was afraid to be alone…but today I am really not sure about it. Anyway, my feelings for her got stronger with time and after a while we both felt in to premarital sex. I have to say that this “passion” brought us toguether even more. Time has passed and I’ve become familiar with God’s word and I’ve repented what I have done. If I could go back in time I would not have done it, but unfortunatelly I can’t. Soafter a long talk, we both decided to wait until marriage. But my feellings have changed. I feel that it it time to move to marriage but she seems confused about her professional life. She is the kind of person that has a bunch of dreams but never work to make them real. She behaves like that not only in her professional life but also in her personal life. It seems she doens’t want to do anything. Every day she spends a buch of time with uselless things. How come I am supposse to share a life, to share responsibility with someone that doesn’t worry about important things? She doesn’t take care of herself and I have to see it everyday. For to have an idea, she has NEVER gone to a gynaecologist, not even once. Based on that, I have compared her to other girls. I know I shouldn’t but I did. Moreover, I know she didn’t have a good model at home. Her mother is really not a “hard working” person. I believe she got it from her. Now, I am confused what I should do. I’ve read Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart”. So I pray everyday… I am trying to change myself to follow God’s rules so He can show my heart the right way. The true happiness!!!! But I also have read in the bible that if you have premarital sex with someone you have to marry her ( I don’t remember in wich chapter, thought. Does anybody know it?). But I don’t know now If I want be with her…but I want to do God’s will, I really do, but I want to make sure of his will so I can follow it with all my heart. I know that He wants us to be happy following his rules. That is why I pray everyday for it. I pray to understand my heart…

Have you guys been in a situation like mine before?

How about the passages of the bible I’ve mentioned? Any comments, suggestions…


Everything is welcome.

 

[HolyOne87]

i am sorry to hear you are going through this. I've never really been through it, but I can try and give my feelings on it.
Have you tried helping her? Maybe she needs someone just to give her a boost or a few boosts in the right direction. I know sometimes i can get that way, getting the dreams, but not doing anything to achieve them..But once someone gives me confidence and a boost forward, I go forth trying to achieve them. Maybe that is what she needs.

I am not too sure on the bible verse where you read about the premarital sex thing. I tried looking it up online on bible gateway. I will try looking in my bible and see if I can find it. If I do, I will post it here.

I shall pray that things start to work out for you and her.
Hopefully I helped some..even if its just a tad.

 

[12Joseph12]

I am not too sure on the bible verse where you read about the premarital sex thing. I tried looking it up online on bible gateway. I will try looking in my bible and see if I can find it. If I do, I will post it here.

I've found it. It is Exodus 22:16,17 "16 If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife.17 If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins. "

More comments are very welcome...

 

[porterross]

Wouldn't it be better to have learned a valuable lesson to be applied in possible future relationships than to pay for a mistake for the rest of your life by marrying someone you're unsure about?

Do you feel obligated to marry her because you've had sex or do you indeed love her with all your heart and know that she is the one God intended for you? This is a critical distinction and if your motivation leans toward the former then you may be setting yourself up for disaster.

Speaking as someone who's been divorced, I do have some experience. It is these little things that matter in the area of compatibility and the longer you're together the more important they become to your unhappiness if that is indeed what the relationship brings for you.

I've been single a long time because I knew that there were minute things about my nature that I was not going to be able to change or accept criticism about; therefore it was critical that I find someone either like me in these matters or willing to accept them about me if not find them endearing. Because I know I cannot or am not willing to change these things, I was also realistic about the possibility of being without a mate.

Guess what? God made more than one person over the age of 40 who likes to sleep as late as possible on the weekends, watch documentaries for fun, loves Monty Python movies, red wine, taking pictures of their feet, eating chicken curry, just being plain lazy more often than they should, etc., etc., etc. The little things about us are so important because they make us unique, but they must be appreciated and cherished not seen as repulsive or unacceptable.

My point is this: You cannot force what should not be and if the answer is not clear that this union is what God had planned for you, it's no sin to let it go. Not every love interest in our lives is meant to last til death do us part and you should not give into or place guilt on either yourself or her for rushing into thinking you were meant to be together for life.

Keep praying, Joseph, but I think you already have your answer. You have to let yourself be OK with it.

God's speed, brother.

 

[12Joseph12]

Wouldn't it be better to have learned a valuable lesson to be applied in possible future relationships than to pay for a mistake for the rest of your life by marrying someone you're unsure about?

Do you feel obligated to marry her because you've had sex or do you indeed love her with all your heart and know that she is the one God intended for you? This is a critical distinction and if your motivation leans toward the former then you may be setting yourself up for disaster.

Speaking as someone who's been divorced, I do have some experience. It is these little things that matter in the area of compatibility and the longer you're together the more important they become to your unhappiness if that is indeed what the relationship brings for you.

I've been single a long time because I knew that there were minute things about my nature that I was not going to be able to change or accept criticism about; therefore it was critical that I find someone either like me in these matters or willing to accept them about me if not find them endearing. Because I know I cannot or am not willing to change these things, I was also realistic about the possibility of being without a mate.

Guess what? God made more than one person over the age of 40 who likes to sleep as late as possible on the weekends, watch documentaries for fun, loves Monty Python movies, red wine, taking pictures of their feet, eating chicken curry, just being plain lazy more often than they should, etc., etc., etc. The little things about us are so important because they make us unique, but they must be appreciated and cherished not seen as repulsive or unacceptable.

My point is this: You cannot force what should not be and if the answer is not clear that this union is what God had planned for you, it's no sin to let it go. Not every love interest in our lives is meant to last til death do us part and you should not give into or place guilt on either yourself or her for rushing into thinking you were meant to be together for life.

Keep praying, Joseph, but I think you already have your answer. You have to let yourself be OK with it.

God's speed, brother.

I am not sure about the answer...That is why I will keep pray about it....But I it is God's will to let it go..I will pray to have the strenght to do it..I felt so happy when I've read Psalm 37:4..You can't imagine how happy I was..Well as I said before I am confused and even if I have the answer..it is not clear to me...Do really little things play a big role in a relationship? I wish God would tell me what to do...But I will keep praying....And really believe He is ging to show me a way...what my heart really wants...But I guess I understand what you mean about...By the way..just to let you know...I also love Monty Python movies..specially Monty Python and the Holy Grail....God bless you!!!!