Gods character and not existing

[Noxot]

Is it within the character of God to cause some of His creatures to never have existed when He made them to exist and to live?

is existing a gift or is it a commandment? can I rebel against God to not be ( rebel because God made me and I feel opposed to being made ) or do I have no free will in the manner? can I have something that does not involve reflecting good or not reflecting good? do I have to be at all?

I have never heard Christians ask about those kinds of questions and since I ask about them I figured that I might as well see what others think. please do not accuse me of not believing in Jesus. I believe He is the only way to salvation and all of that.

 

[Rick Otto]

quote=Noxot;Is it within the character of God to cause some of His creatures to never have existed when He made them to exist and to live?

Does not compute.
Never mind character, I can't figure out how something made (existing) can be caused no to exist.

is existing a gift or is it a commandment?

seems to be a bit of both.
Unasked for & challenging.

can I rebel against God to not be ( rebel because God made me and I feel opposed to being made ) or do I have no free will in the manner?

I don't think you're will being free is at issue. You're will can only be what it was created to be. Free is a very relative term.

can I have something that does not involve reflecting good or not reflecting good? do I have to be at all?

In the sense that you all ready exist, yes you have to be. Good is another relative term. What is good for God & thise who love Him may not be considered so good by those who don't love Him.

I have never heard Christians ask about those kinds of questions and since I ask about them I figured that I might as well see what others think. please do not accuse me of not believing in Jesus. I believe He is the only way to salvation and all of that.

You must not believe in Jesus! (Sorry, just kidding. Couldn't help myself.) I think we just have to be forgiving of that nonsense to some degree. People have deep personal feelings attached to a lot of their beliefs - only natural. It can even be fun when everybody has agreed to vent strictly for fun. Not everybody can keep themselves that detached for very long, tho. But it can be instructive in showing us our own oversimplifications & how inconsiderate they can be. I can't blame ya for being selective with what you share. On that point I have to admire you for puttin' yourself out on a limb so to speak with this thread.

 

[drjean]

Is it within the character of God to cause some of His creatures to never have existed when He made them to exist and to live?

No. God also created the laws by which we operate, and He created by those as well. Energy can not "not exist" once it's in any form. Another words, you cannot cause energy to stop existing: it will just change forms.

is existing a gift or is it a commandment? can I rebel against God to not be ( rebel because God made me and I feel opposed to being made ) or do I have no free will in the manner? can I have something that does not involve reflecting good or not reflecting good? do I have to be at all?

Both? But it should not feel as though it is a duty. Sometimes we may wish to not exist, but that is because of some confusion or depression within us causing us to think irrationally. With the constant "renewing of the mind" we can refocus on God's goodness and love, and reformulate our attitude about life.

One can be apathetic...and neutral... but it is merely existence and I think that's from what you wish to get away, just existing. We all need to find the path God has for us, and learn how to be happy / content there, regardless. This is our task in life, to worship God in spite of everything else.

I have never heard Christians ask about those kinds of questions and since I ask about them I figured that I might as well see what others think. please do not accuse me of not believing in Jesus. I believe He is the only way to salvation and all of that.

I pray you will continue to heal and grow stronger in the Lord, and that He will facilitate your efforts.

 

[Noxot]

yes I don't want evil but now that I am far away from heat I just don't want to have to go back either. I prefer if I can just be ended now. I am sick of this. what will I do? ( I have no real choice, all options are torment and pain, just because good tells me there is less torment and pain when i go to Him does not make me want to be. )

I think this way of thinking is going to keep leading me into evil. that sucks. O well once you fall you just keep going unless you go up. there appears no choice to opt out of falling down or flying up. so I will just show god that I hate being. maybe He will one day make me to not be, I would like that. some people think that hell will do that. if I believed that then I would try to find a way to hurry it up.

atheist have it easy! I wish I believed what they did. "when you die, you do not exist." the solution for me would then be so easy if that was reality. die and that is that! and they think those that believe in a God are the ones that cling to that belief because we wanna feel happy and feel like we have purpose and are scared of death! I wish death was an end, our beliefs make existing a lot more hectic! atheist are the ones with a freakin "belief system blanket", prove me wrong you cowards. you have it so easy.

 

[bling]

The atheist or agnostic would argue they were not asked to be here, suggesting God owes them something for making them and cannot thus hold them accountable. Why should the atheist be “forced” to play God’s game?

]Humans were created with a wonderful purpose, but not all want to fulfill that purpose and refuse to fulfill their main purpose. So why do they remain alive?

If a person does not want to fulfill their glorious marvelous purpose, they can still serve a lower purpose by unintentionally helps those that are willing to fulfill their purpose. So they stay around for that purpose.

 

[Noxot]

I heard one atheist say that he did not want to worship jesus forever. I can relate to those kinds of feelings. I sure do have a lot of feelings that some atheist have. I think every single person is special and I sure do not hate atheist for being who they are. I do not think christians matter more than atheist. they are human beings made in Gods image just as christians are. atheist have helped me in ways that no christian could ever have helped me imo. I want to see and explore how atheist get treated by christians in a evil manner. I want to see the negative effect christians have on atheist.

since I have so many beliefs that are the same as atheist, I wonder what would convince me to be more christian and less atheist. what if I do not want to live forever? what does a christian say to that? when i say "I do not want to exist", what words could heal this kind of wound? "you're going to suffer forever in hell" does not convince me to want to exist or to live forever or to be good and follow Jesus. I see that a lot of atheist believe that christians sometimes believe what they believe because they have fear of punishment.

so is it within the character of God to make people fear Him so that they turn to Him? what does this "fear" mean exactly? why should I fear someone who seems like a big bully? why should I desire to exist if God is a big bully? then people tell me that God is Love but all I see is this "big bully" so i do not believe I would want to follow God forever or to desire to exist. I hope to be able to see from the views of all kinds of atheist.

I am trying to see from the view points of certain kinds of hurt people and trying to relate to them and trying to get better too. ( and I mix some of my beliefs in since I suffer with the ones that go to hell anyways. )

thank you all for your input.

 

[ivebeenshown]

If you believe the doctrine of annihilation, then you would believe that those who don't enter the heavenly kingdom simply cease to exist.

I don't believe that, though.

 

[bling]

I heard one atheist say that he did not want to worship jesus forever. I can relate to those kinds of feelings. I sure do have a lot of feelings that some atheist have. I think every single person is special and I sure do not hate atheist for being who they are. I do not think christians matter more than atheist. they are human beings made in Gods image just as christians are. atheist have helped me in ways that no christian could ever have helped me imo. I want to see and explore how atheist get treated by christians in a evil manner. I want to see the negative effect christians have on atheist.

since I have so many beliefs that are the same as atheist, I wonder what would convince me to be more christian and less atheist. what if I do not want to live forever? what does a christian say to that? when i say "I do not want to exist", what words could heal this kind of wound? "you're going to suffer forever in hell" does not convince me to want to exist or to live forever or to be good and follow Jesus. I see that a lot of atheist believe that christians sometimes believe what they believe because they have fear of punishment.

so is it within the character of God to make people fear Him so that they turn to Him? what does this "fear" mean exactly? why should I fear someone who seems like a big bully? why should I desire to exist if God is a big bully? then people tell me that God is Love but all I see is this "big bully" so i do not believe I would want to follow God forever or to desire to exist. I hope to be able to see from the views of all kinds of atheist.

I am trying to see from the view points of certain kinds of hurt people and trying to relate to them and trying to get better too. ( and I mix some of my beliefs in since I suffer with the ones that go to hell anyways. )

thank you all for your input.

What does your atheist friend think worshipping Christ is?

Jesus Loves us and is and wants to serve us much more than we could ever serve Him.

Is our doing for others, what we do to worship Christ?

Helping and serving others should be our pleasure as that is the pleasure of God/Christ.

I see us in heaven busy serving others that came to heaven without Godly type Love (earth is the only place humans can obtain this Love). These individuals will need to be protected and preserved forever, so our “work” is cut out for us.

 

[ByGraceOnly]

I've wondered about similar issues and there were times when I found our forced existence, through no choice of our own, to be shocking and overbearing. But one of the countless benefits of Christians' indwelling Holy Spirit is He illuminates and gets us to see things, and Jesus, more accurately than we do in the natural. Since we're created to serve others and God, it only makes sense that we find our highest fulfillment and the most satisfaction in denying ourselves and doing so. Who would think that giving up our lives to find life would be logical, but to those believers who have done so, they see what Jesus meant.
Trite as it might sound, trusting and obeying God is best decision we can make in this life and to prepare for the next. And just thinking of God forgiving us, accepting Jesus' sacrifice for our sins and allowing us into paradise is enough reason to sincerely worship Him. We vastly underestimate how repugnant our sins are in His eyes.

 

[Noxot]

If you believe the doctrine of annihilation, then you would believe that those who don't enter the heavenly kingdom simply cease to exist.

I don't believe that, though.

how could I believe that doctrine when I exist with other creatures in this aeon? to undo me means to undo the things I did with others in this aeon and I don't think God would do that. if I believed in that doctrine then I would be happy that I would soon have an end and would try to speed it up. but I believe in a God that never gives up, and I believe that God made His creation "very good". I believe in some kind of system that enoch talked about. i saw a lot of bubbles and those are aeons. I don't confess to understand it but I saw so many that annihilation only looks good to me, it does not appear to look like a good idea from God.

 

[Noxot]

What does your atheist friend think worshipping Christ is?

I don't know, maybe I can't see it either. perhaps it is doing good and living for Him. but I do question why I should still, when I could just not be at all, if God would let me will it on myself.

Jesus Loves us and is and wants to serve us much more than we could ever serve Him.

if that is true, then why does God serve me in a way that I do not want to be served? it is always about Him it seems and so why should I want to be forever if I do not agree with Him? what kind of answer could make someone that believes what I just said go and repent and follow Him? because I already do not comprehend, and so if I am told that His ways are higher than mine and I just don't get it, how would that be strong to make me follow Him?

Is our doing for others, what we do to worship Christ?

yes I think that is a form of prayer and worship if we try to love and care about others.

Helping and serving others should be our pleasure as that is the pleasure of God/Christ.

it is a pleasure to me sometimes. other times it just hurts and I don't want to go through with anything. sometimes all I want is to not exist. sometimes what I want is to exist alone with my own creations and not be around God or His other creatures.

I see us in heaven busy serving others that came to heaven without Godly type Love (earth is the only place humans can obtain this Love). These individuals will need to be protected and preserved forever, so our “work” is cut out for us.

I see a path of stages and aeons that God has planned out and everyone will get to the same goal. I see that there are things greater than heaven and that there are things greater than the little bubbles of aeons that we exist in. I see a lot ahead and I don't want to go on with it sometimes. I see that God forces me to. I see angels doing what you described and so they follow Christ. what I do not see is God forsaking others to what they want. which is sometimes what I want God to do. I don't want to be protected and preserved forever. why should I? and I do not see people in heaven when they are like me, because I am my own hell and my worm does not die. I am tormented by the presence of good angels. why would I want to even be in heaven when God torments me? how will I change and be good when i am in a constant state of pain? I refuse to "give in" to the pain.

 

[Noxot]

I've wondered about similar issues and there were times when I found our forced existence, through no choice of our own, to be shocking and overbearing. But one of the countless benefits of Christians' indwelling Holy Spirit is He illuminates and gets us to see things, and Jesus, more accurately than we do in the natural. Since we're created to serve others and God, it only makes sense that we find our highest fulfillment and the most satisfaction in denying ourselves and doing so. Who would think that giving up our lives to find life would be logical, but to those believers who have done so, they see what Jesus meant.
Trite as it might sound, trusting and obeying God is best decision we can make in this life and to prepare for the next. And just thinking of God forgiving us, accepting Jesus' sacrifice for our sins and allowing us into paradise is enough reason to sincerely worship Him. We vastly underestimate how repugnant our sins are in His eyes.

yes perhaps I do vastly underestimate how repugnant our sins are in His eyes. I wonder why God thinks I am so repugnant though? why should I care what God thinks if He does not care what I think? just because He is Himself and I am me? but He made me and now He seems mad at me for not wanting to be like He wants me to be. God told me that He always picks the best good for us. He picks it even though I have my own mind and free will to obey or to not obey. why does He give me free will to not obey Him if what He wants me to do is obey Him? can He not handle that I grew cold of Him due to my own free will? I guess I do not see the good in the way that Gods plans are. in my view, I sometimes think God has some very weird ideas of what is good. for instance when He came to earth and let Himself be tortured and die and then He tells me that now I can be saved by that. it is very confusing to me. I get tired of the way God is so hard to know and understand what He does.

if some christian tells me that I never knew God, then I will tell them that my heart is what they do not see and then how could they judge me correctly? I searched and knocked so much. I really really wanted to be married to Christ. I wanted to be saved. I wanted to live forever. and yes I had sins in my life, most christians have those things. i see I still have sins and that Christ can make me like Him and not have any but now I can't shake the feeling that maybe I don't care and maybe I hate myself. so if I hate myself, why would I want God to Love me? now I would be a hurting soul if that is the case, and so I wonder if God will come down from heaven and heal me. or if God is going to do what I think He will do, and torment me like I feel He always does. Him and His creatures are the ones that torment me. and I torment myself. no wonder that I do not want to exist. ofc I have other views and opinions on the matter but this is how part of me is.

tbh I expect to be accused of not being a real christian and kicked out of here. it is the only thing i expect since I am looking for answers that will effect changes in me. but I would think that kicking me, who believes Jesus is who He says He is, would be a very unchristian thing to do and in the spirit of offense and in the spirit of man made religion. which actions would push me farther away from God.

 

[squint]

yes perhaps I do vastly underestimate how repugnant our sins are in His eyes. I wonder why God thinks I am so repugnant though? why should I care what God thinks if He does not care what I think? just because He is Himself and I am me? but He made me and now He seems mad at me for not wanting to be like He wants me to be. God told me that He always picks the best good for us. He picks it even though I have my own mind and free will to obey or to not obey. why does He give me free will to not obey Him if what He wants me to do is obey Him? can He not handle that I grew cold of Him due to my own free will? I guess I do not see the good in the way that Gods plans are. in my view, I sometimes think God has some very weird ideas of what is good. for instance when He came to earth and let Himself be tortured and die and then He tells me that now I can be saved by that. it is very confusing to me. I get tired of the way God is so hard to know and understand what He does.

if some christian tells me that I never knew God, then I will tell them that my heart is what they do not see and then how could they judge me correctly? I searched and knocked so much. I really really wanted to be married to Christ. I wanted to be saved. I wanted to live forever. and yes I had sins in my life, most christians have those things. i see I still have sins and that Christ can make me like Him and not have any but now I can't shake the feeling that maybe I don't care and maybe I hate myself. so if I hate myself, why would I want God to Love me? now I would be a hurting soul if that is the case, and so I wonder if God will come down from heaven and heal me. or if God is going to do what I think He will do, and torment me like I feel He always does. Him and His creatures are the ones that torment me. and I torment myself. no wonder that I do not want to exist. ofc I have other views and opinions on the matter but this is how part of me is.

tbh I expect to be accused of not being a real christian and kicked out of here. it is the only thing i expect since I am looking for answers that will effect changes in me. but I would think that kicking me, who believes Jesus is who He says He is, would be a very unchristian thing to do and in the spirit of offense and in the spirit of man made religion. which actions would push me farther away from God.

Definitely hearing the flounder there Noxot.

Perhaps you can air some specifics on that matter and also on what 'specific views' you think you hold that you think may be non-Christian in some eyes?

s

 

[Noxot]

Definitely hearing the flounder there Noxot.

Perhaps you can air some specifics on that matter and also on what 'specific views' you think you hold that you think may be non-Christian in some eyes?

s

I will answer you tomorrow because I need some sleep right now, it is past my "bed time". but what does flounder mean?

 

[squint]

I will answer you tomorrow because I need some sleep right now, it is past my "bed time". but what does flounder mean?

In your case of conveyance, a sincere series of questions, which I asked you line out with specifics, when you have time.

s

 

[bling]

I don't know, maybe I can't see it either. perhaps it is doing good and living for Him. but I do question why I should still, when I could just not be at all, if God would let me will it on myself.



if that is true, then why does God serve me in a way that I do not want to be served? it is always about Him it seems and so why should I want to be forever if I do not agree with Him? what kind of answer could make someone that believes what I just said go and repent and follow Him? because I already do not comprehend, and so if I am told that His ways are higher than mine and I just don't get it, how would that be strong to make me follow Him?



yes I think that is a form of prayer and worship if we try to love and care about others.


it is a pleasure to me sometimes. other times it just hurts and I don't want to go through with anything. sometimes all I want is to not exist. sometimes what I want is to exist alone with my own creations and not be around God or His other creatures.


I see a path of stages and aeons that God has planned out and everyone will get to the same goal. I see that there are things greater than heaven and that there are things greater than the little bubbles of aeons that we exist in. I see a lot ahead and I don't want to go on with it sometimes. I see that God forces me to. I see angels doing what you described and so they follow Christ. what I do not see is God forsaking others to what they want. which is sometimes what I want God to do. I don't want to be protected and preserved forever. why should I? and I do not see people in heaven when they are like me, because I am my own hell and my worm does not die. I am tormented by the presence of good angels. why would I want to even be in heaven when God torments me? how will I change and be good when i am in a constant state of pain? I refuse to "give in" to the pain.

Please take this as constructive criticism, but I am seeing a lot of “Me” in your comments. We all (including me) have the same problem on occasion. When I am caught up in my wants, needs, desires, dreams and pride, I get depressed also. If I get involved with helping others, my worries all goes away and I want to spend more time with God.

 

[Noxot]

In your case of conveyance, a sincere series of questions, which I asked you line out with specifics, when you have time.

s

Him and His creatures are the ones that torment me.

His creatures = I seem to have a problem with the fact that I am so influenced by other beings. some doing good things and others doing bad things. I get sick of going through it all. go up, go down. decay, grow. die, live. so sick of it all. I look and I see chaos and to many problems, I don't want to be part of it anymore.

Him = He makes me have to go through it all. His laws, His plans. His will. for a second I thought my will mattered. but it seems that I only have free will so that I can lose it and pick God. I am not like Him and I don't want to exist forevermore in His plans and will and laws. if I become Like Him then I will want to live with and for Him. why can't I have what i want? because i am evil. well then why do i have free will? so that i can see how inferior I am compared to Jesus? i sometimes feel i should destroy my soul as much as I can. i wish God would just let me be what i am. all i want is to not exist after seeing how vain everything is without Him.

but Gods will is always going to matter more than my will. i want to pee on the carpet, because it is easy and pleasing to me. I am a bad dog. one day God will train me and I won't do that. so much for what I wanted. God could have given me my own house but His will matters so much that i can't have a lesser good or a lesser reality that is all my own. I am almost to the point that i do not believe I have much of a will at all. and if i do not matter then why would I want to exist? I don't want to hang out with God and the other ones He created sometimes, after all it was a chain reaction when the falling away first happened. dunno why i turned cold and fell away from God when He made me "very good", but maybe I wanted something besides God, and God did not give it to me because only His will matters. maybe in a few hells later I will learn to not want other things besides God. but I sometimes feel that I don't want to exist with a God that only gets what He wants. I don't matter, so delete me then. and i don't care if God wants me to exist. I want to not exist.

and I don't want to go on forever trying to know the unknowable God and Creator of all, who can never be fully known. God does not want me to know who i could be without other creations of His and without Him. but I want to know. and I want to be the one who decides if I want to exist or not.

I must have ate some really good poison to be this way. I doubt I will be saved if i continue to be the way that I am. but I don't see the point.

 

[Noxot]

Please take this as constructive criticism, but I am seeing a lot of “Me” in your comments. We all (including me) have the same problem on occasion. When I am caught up in my wants, needs, desires, dreams and pride, I get depressed also. If I get involved with helping others, my worries all goes away and I want to spend more time with God.

I think that I matter. I want to be me. God does not want that. He said the real me is with Him. why should it not be about me? its not like God needs anything. I understand that my thoughts are evil. its not like I want to hurt others like satan wants. i understand that if I do not abide in the will of God that I will hurt other people. but if God would not put me with others, I would never hurt them. but God wants this big huge thing of lots of different creatures all together worshiping Him. and He wants that because it is the best reality. but I don't want the best sometimes. sometimes I just want to be left alone. left alone might mean to not exist, and that would be nice to not have to do anything or ever be changed again. it would not even be nice, because there would be no need. "fade away" sounds so good to me right now. much better than "suffer until you repent".

and this is not even all of my problems.

 

[squint]

His creatures = I seem to have a problem with the fact that I am so influenced by other beings. some doing good things and others doing bad things. I get sick of going through it all. go up, go down. decay, grow. die, live. so sick of it all. I look and I see chaos and to many problems, I don't want to be part of it anymore.

Then don't. Bad associations can undoubtedly lead to corruptions.

1 Corinthians 15:33
Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

Him = He makes me have to go through it all. His laws, His plans. His will. for a second I thought my will mattered. but it seems that I only have free will so that I can lose it and pick God.

That's certainly not a bad way to go.

I am not like Him and I don't want to exist forevermore in His plans and will and laws. if I become Like Him then I will want to live with and for Him. why can't I have what i want? because i am evil.

Being bound with 'evil thoughts' is a fact of life my friend. Without it there is no 'exercise' of the heart and conscience. Sifting through these things is something life requires. It can be quite invigorating for the Spirit in us to do so and to lead us.

Be an adult.

well then why do i have free will?

Having the fact of 'evil present' does not lead me to the conclusion of 'free' will. I have to personally sort through my own imperfections and challenges expecting His Perfect Will to work out on both sides of the ledgers. I can assure you it's an often times painful process. The less evil/worldly 'entanglements' we allow ourselves to be bound to ourselves to the better life is.

so that i can see how inferior I am compared to Jesus? i sometimes feel i should destroy my soul as much as I can. i wish God would just let me be what i am. all i want is to not exist after seeing how vain everything is without Him.

Not all is vanity. The exposure to 'less than Perfection' does cause a real amount of Hope and patience to come to the fore.

I am certain that Jesus hoped they would stop torturing Him. But He also knew He had that gauntlet to run 'as it was written.'

but Gods will is always going to matter more than my will. i want to pee on the carpet, because it is easy and pleasing to me. I am a bad dog. one day God will train me and I won't do that. so much for what I wanted.

Well I appreciate your allegory as God children we should recognize that not every desire is from God in Christ. We all have a very real set of enemies to deal with that are 'not us' and those workings are 'internal' and 'of the heart and mind.'

His Word and Spirit have provided what we 'need.'

God could have given me my own house but His will matters so much that i can't have a lesser good or a lesser reality that is all my own.

Jesus did not have a place to lay His Head. We are to be 'that place.' That 'house.' That abode for His Thoughts. They are set there right before us to partake of and to enjoy.

I am almost to the point that i do not believe I have much of a will at all. and if i do not matter then why would I want to exist? I don't want to hang out with God and the other ones He created sometimes, after all it was a chain reaction when the falling away first happened. dunno why i turned cold and fell away from God when He made me "very good", but maybe I wanted something besides God, and God did not give it to me because only His will matters.

The richest man on earth was led to exactly the same despair, so it is not unusual:

Ecclesiastes 2:20
Therefore I went about to cause my heart to despair of all the labour which I took under the sun.

Needless to say he made some interesting and wise finds of treasure of the intangible sorts.

maybe in a few hells later I will learn to not want other things besides God. but I sometimes feel that I don't want to exist with a God that only gets what He wants. I don't matter, so delete me then. and i don't care if God wants me to exist. I want to not exist.

If you want to know real despair, try engagement with the power of evil within. The battles are there to be found. There is also The Victor, ALIVE and full of LIFE regardless.

and I don't want to go on forever trying to know the unknowable God and creator of all, who can never be fully known. God does not want me to know who i could be without other creations of His and without Him. but I want to know. and I want to be the one who decides if I want to exist or not.

I must have ate some really good poison to be this way.

Trouble comes with Purpose.

2 Cor. 1:
8 For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life:
9 But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves,

but in God which raiseth the dead:

enjoy!

squint

 

[bling]

I think that I matter. I want to be me. God does not want that. He said the real me is with Him. why should it not be about me? its not like God needs anything. I understand that my thoughts are evil. its not like I want to hurt others like satan wants. i understand that if I do not abide in the will of God that I will hurt other people. but if God would not put me with others, I would never hurt them. but God wants this big huge thing of lots of different creatures all together worshiping Him. and He wants that because it is the best reality. but I don't want the best sometimes. sometimes I just want to be left alone. left alone might mean to not exist, and that would be nice to not have to do anything or ever be changed again. it would not even be nice, because there would be no need. "fade away" sounds so good to me right now. much better than "suffer until you repent".

and this is not even all of my problems.

God is not trying to "get" something from you (Worship Him), but God is trying to give something to you. This gift is so huge and powerful (compeleling even God to do all He does) it cannot be earned, developed, paid back, so I can only be given as a free undeserving and unconditional gift (pure Charity). Pride keeps us from accepting charity.