Godly relationship advice neeeded(please reply).

[†§murf20†™]

Wuz up CF brothers and sisters!!! It's your boy Smurf up in the heezy fo sheezy!!! But lets get serious. I need some Godly advice.

Recently myself and young woman of virtue at my church started getting real close. We became really good friends. We were very interested in each other. We made a great connection with each other but now our closeness has fizzled out. I'm stumped by it too. See we shared many deep and passionate things. She told me when we first started getting real close about a dream she had about us. We were both together she said. She said that she was standing out of the church in the parking lot by a van. She said that it looked like she was pregnant. She called out to her "spouse". He turned around and she said it was my face. There were a couple of other dreams that were similar and she told me about them later in our relationship. All of a sudden though things got rocky out of nowhere. She said it was not the "season" for us to think about marriage. Granted we both our having financial struggles right now but if God has lead us together how come she just wants to stop dead cold like this. We haven't talked in about 3 weeks or so and it's partly my fault. I'm just up in arms about the whole thing. My relationship with God is good and I have prayed about the situation hoping to find some answers. This girl was one of the true friends that I had( their so hard to find). I can't just forget about all that we shared. I'm lost when it comes to this. People don't just come into your life this strong for no reason. Is this just a practice run for someone else more suited for me that God has. What should I do about the relationship since there hasn't been any real closure we just stopped talking and began to avoid each other.

†§murf20†™

 

[LifeInYou]

Smurf,

I've been in a similar relationship as yours, intense feelings for a year and half, and then over a period of about two weeks we weren't together. Having no formal closure between us left me utterly confused.

Question for you- Have you tried to call her/talk to her in person to tell her your feelings?

If not, and she still has that place in your heart, then do so.

If so, then let the situation be as is. The reason- I think you're right, people don't come into our lives as strong as they do for no reason. But perhaps the reason she came into yours is not precisely what you thought it was. Example- I also thought the person the Lord brought into my life was "the one" for me. But in reality, the lesson which I should have learned (and have learned) from that experience is that -the whole time I was trying to grow close to him, learn more about him, love him, connect with him (and ultimately I ended up depending on him), I should have been doing all those things with God. And because the Lord knows our every need, and he is a jealous God, he took that person out of my life because he knew that kind of relationship (not being dependent on Him alone) would destroy me. This demonstrates His perfect kind of love for us. And although his protection and provision were not understood by me at first, as the pain diminished I realized that it must have been I, who caused the pain myself, by not depending on God alone.


It's a difficult situation you're in my friend, I pray that you find your way with ease.


Shalom

 

[ZiSunka]

If it happened as suddenly as you say, I would guess that something pretty big happened to put her off and you might not even realize it. Maybe one day she woke up and the thrill of it had worn off, or maybe she met someone else, or maybe you did something that put her off. Did you guys have a fight or anything?

Women usually tell the guy why she's breaking up with him. What did she say when she broke up with you?

 

[wvmtnkid]

One of the first things I would suggest doing is talk to her. Find out what is going on and why she has suddenly backed away. Maybe it was a misunderstanding and can be easily repaired. Maybe she is overwhelmed with her feelings and has decided she needed some space. Maybe she is wondering also why you have disappeared from her life as well and she is unsure of how to handle it. But you won't know for sure until you have talked to her. Communicate. That's the key!

 

[†§murf20†™]

Like I said in the original post. She had the dreams but then said it wasn't the "season" for us to be together. See, we haven't been able to spend much time together because of both of our financial situations. We are both attending junior college this fall. It will be her first year and my final year to get my associates. We both agreed that it would be better to stay just friends for now but then she said something about us being distant from each other. Its wierd and confusing to me because friends shouldnt just ignore each other, especially Godly ones. Ive put this thing on the backburner because I don't want it to take presidence over my relationship with Christ but it bothers me though because of the nonresolutions.

Right now I'm about to share something a little more personal. My relationship with Christ is really growing this year. He is really doing a new work in me and the young people around me. HE is yet burning out the old self and old burdens. One example is in my quiet time one night I really felt the touch of the Father. This is when I asked him to help me in relationships with people in general. I really seeked after God. Then some time later this is when my lady friend came into my life. After we starting "talkin' " to each other so to speak I began to see the characteristics of the woman of God I wanted to be in my life. However throughout the relationship and even now I still wondered if this is just a practice run before God brings someone who has really set aside for me.

This is pretty much where I stand.

†§murf20†™

 

[DaveKerwin]

this could be a red flag about her character, be cautious.

I would ask her out. Go hang out and chat.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Just because she doesn't feel it is the "season" for you to think about marriage doesn't mean that you have to totally drop all contact with each other. Building a friendship could be what you are to be doing right now. I would want to make sure that the person I married was my friend to begin with. You can't get to know each other if you aren't at least talking and spending time together. That doesn't always necessarily mean official date either, if finances are a concern. Take a walk together. Go to a park. Set out on a porch and talk. Getting to know each other doesn't have to cost money. Be creative.

But it is ultimately up to you and what you feel God is leading you to do.

 

[ZiSunka]

Dreams don't really mean anything, because most dreams are about the desires of the dreamer, and not visions from God.

If I married every man I dreamt about, I would be married like 20 times now.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I don't know either of you, but that dream thing would have weirded me out.
The girl sounds a little flaky to me.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

Didn't Paul interpret dreams? I really don't remember if that was in the bible or not, and I'm not bringing it up to sway any thoughts, just curious.

As for my thoughts on dreams. I think that in some cases, dreams are a conversation between you and your subconcious. Sometimes they're just entertainment.

 

[hotknikkels]

Smurf,

I have four questions:

Are your finances okay?
Are you ready for marriage?
Can you see yourself marrying her?
Can you make the effort needed to be friends now and not rush things?

I think one of the problems is that you guys may of rushed it, shared too much too soon! You both need to relax, start afresh and get to know each other again!

 

[ZiSunka]

Didn't Paul interpret dreams? I really don't remember if that was in the bible or not, and I'm not bringing it up to sway any thoughts, just curious.

As for my thoughts on dreams. I think that in some cases, dreams are a conversation between you and your subconcious. Sometimes they're just entertainment.

Joseph (both of them), Pilate's wife, Jacob and a whole lot of others communicated with God through dreams. But they were always dreams of warning or preparation, not dreams of predicting romance, or dreams in which GOd pointed out to anyone who they should marry.

But 99.9% of dreams are just your subconscious trying to communicate with you. They talk to you about things you don't want to think about when you are awake, or wishes that you have. Dreams are RARELY prophetic, especially when it comes to romance. Romantic dreams are about your own feelings, not messages from God about who you should marry.

www.dreamdoctor.com is an excellent website with a good dream dictionary that helps you interpret the symbolism in your dreams.

 

[hotknikkels]

In other words, don't take dreams too seriously!!!

 

[ZiSunka]

Right!

 

[hotknikkels]

that was agreement I sensed there?

 

[ZiSunka]

Sensed? I thought it was a direct statement!

 

[Stanfi]

Dreams.. now that's a good subject. Last winter, I was struggling with a relationship with a lady in my life. I wanted her to be in my life, but it was looking obvious that things weren't going so good. Naturally, I had been praying to God a lot about the situation. Once night I had a dream. I won't go into details about the dream, but it revealed to me her true feelings about me, and there were symbolisms of Christ in the dream. The next day I heard a preacher talking about God revealing things to us through dreams. I was so convinced that this could not be coincidence, but that it had to be from God.

However, as the hands of time revealed, the relationship ended, and that lady is with another guy. I will not say that the dream was or was not from God, because I don't know. However, I did put way to much hope in that dream, and when things fell apart, I began to question God, and it really hurt my relationship with my heavenly father.

So, my advice on dreams is do not put your hope in the dream. As has been stated here, they are most likely not prophetic, just our sub-conscience revealing our hearts desires. Put your trust in Christ, and wait upon him. He will reveal himself in your life, not your dreams.

 

[desi]

Smurf you have to find out what went wrong. Asking her straight out will probably get you nowhere so you have to try another route. Tell her God is drawing you into a new direction but you want to know what went wrong with 'us' from her perspective before you act on God's new lead in your life. She will feel less pressure like you want to get back together and she will wonder what's new with you, this should open her up a bit. You might get her back but you should find out where it went wrong from her perspective.

 

[†§murf20†™]

Smurf,

I have four questions:

Are your finances okay?
Are you ready for marriage?
Can you see yourself marrying her?
Can you make the effort needed to be friends now and not rush things?

I think one of the problems is that you guys may of rushed it, shared too much too soon! You both need to relax, start afresh and get to know each other again!

UPDATE:

We recently started back communicating with one another again. It was like haven't missed a beat. However I'm making a strong effort to be the best friend I can be to her. My feelings are still strong about her but I'm keeping most of them in check for the sake of the friendship. She is a very special and sweet young lady.

To answer your questions, No my finances are not OK and this is why I have not come to her with the idea of courtship. No I'm not ready for marriage YET. 1- because of my finances, 2- because we have not started a courtship and had counseling from parents and our pastors yet. Yes I do see myself being married to her but now I'm making sure I stay on God's timeline so he will make provisions for it to happen. Not by us forcing it.

I'm so excited about what lies ahead but I want to take it day by day. Our time will come and it will be special because God's hand is over the situation.

In the meanwhile I'm holding to the scripture Phillipians 4:6 - Don't be anxious about anything but by prayer and supplication present your requests to God, and the peace of God which trancends all understanding will gaurd your hearts and minds...

Thanx for the advice and keep us in your prayers!

 

[YouthPastor]

What is the timeframe we are looking at?

How long have you known her? How long have you been friends? How long have you been really good friends?