When it's right you just know it. This cheered me up:
Psalm 51:16 KJV "For thou desirest not sacrifice; or else I would give it: Thou delightest not in burnt offering."
The dark one is fond of sacrifices. My fathers suicide was a sacrifice onto satan, and it was used to keep me away from God. It worked for 16 years. It should also be noted I was 15 when he shot himself. 51 counters 15.
Psalm 51:17 KJV "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."
My broken-heart and broken-spirit has always been my sacrifice. The sacrifice was needed, because I was on the wrong path. I sought God, but did not understand. The sacrifice and chastisement began when I was 13, fell into an oath of sorrow. This was also when I FELL in love, for it is one of the causes of my fall, and also when my father was getting into occult stuff. Some of the word of God existed in my subconcious. I knew things were going wrong, but I couldn't see. So my promise of sadness was to the lord, until I figured how to set myself free. Also when I was 17 I had a girlfriend for my school year that year, at the end of it she broke my heart, not that it wasn't already a good deal broken.
Then the flu that came through me must have been God's wrath. It lasted for months, yet none of us understood or repented of our ways. My father was a very disturbed person. Once when I was young and looking at the girl I liked he said something about doing her along with demons. Why did I ever despise myself for allowing the lord to destroy this terrible man who sought to corrupt me? Why did I repress all this? How was I to honor a father that was evil? Well I honored him for 16 years!
Had I understood I could have lived a wise and happy life, but since I did not I at least dwelt in sorrow for it. After all, Christ cannot forgive one of sins until they are confessed, understood, and repented of.
Great and Righteous are the ways of the lord, who has turned the pain of the victims into a sacrifice befitting their lack of understanding, and if understanding delivers them onto happy and productive lives. Beautiful are his ways, that we may yet be forgiven. He brings to us balance and forsaketh us not. The Lord balances everything and everyone. Blessed are they who seek to submit to his balancing, for they who are mighty, evil, and unchastised are balanced onto hell.
Psalm 51 (ESV)
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[
b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Verses 18 and 19 do not apply to me. They were for Israel at the time, and with Christ all legitimate burnt offerings were done away with.
