- Jan 30, 2017
- 28
- 15
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
I was born with an extremely rare eye condition called Optic Nerve Hypoplasia, which essentially means I have an underdeveloped/narrow optic nerve. That along with several other conditions, collectively known as Septo Optic Displasia. I am legally blind, with 20/800 vision in my good eye.
My parents got divorced when I was a toddler. Dad was a drug addict who overdosed on heroine and died when I was 8. I lived with him for the three years leading up to that though. So I have some memories, good and bad, of him from that time thank God.
My family moved around a lot when I was a child. As a result, I attended over 10 different schools by the time I graduated high school. I did get my Associate Degree, but dropped out of university before getting my Bachelor's Degree; and never went back.
After that I was unemployed for 7 years. I tried looking for jobs at first, but kept getting the "over qualified and under experienced" line. So after a year of trying, I stopped looking. Roughly around the same time, I lost my faith as well. Fortunately though, my family and friends stepped in, recommending I seek volunteer work. I like to think God guided their hand there as well, because it went a long way toward landing me my first real job which I held for 6 years.
I've never married, nor had children. Truth be told, I'm an introvert, and my social skills leave much to be desired. I have no problem socializing with people I know, or in online communities like this, but when a random encounter comes up that I wasn't prepared for, then I clam up and deal with it very poorly. So for many years, even after landing that first job, I'd get really lonely and depressed. I'd be at work, focusing on my assigned duties, when something would trigger it to the point that when I got home I'd go straight to bed and cry.
Eventually though, probably with God's guidance despite my lack of faith, I came to the conclusion that depression was no good for me. So from that day forward, I began to block out all those thoughts that lead me to depression. It's worked for the most part, but now I turn to God when I'm really struggling.
Anyway, about 4-5 years ago, a friend got me into paying attention to politics and the direction our country was heading into. I started listening to a particularly controversial radio program on a daily basis. It occurred to me that callers would often mention Jesus during their calls, either to bless the host or to quote scripture. So I started thinking about it, and came to the conclusion that no bad can come out of a faith in God. So, I opened my heart to Him for the first time in over a decade.
One day, while walking to the train station on my way to work, it was drizzling outside. Once I got under the shelter of the station though, it instantly started pouring down rain; and at that moment, I thought it was God's doing. Then, a feeling of pure, immense joy came over me unlike anything I've felt before; and it lasted for a good 30 seconds.
Six months to a year later, I was watching a movie on Netflix called Revelation Road, made by PureFlix. I had no idea it was religious in theme, and the more I watched it, the more I started to wonder. That first Revelation Road movie and the one after it had a profound effect on me as it was the first time I really started crying when thinking about God. Now the tears come readily, even as I write this. And I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit that.
Then, this past August, my work was preparing for a major overhaul of its software systems. Which meant a lot of training for its employees. The first day for me was awful. Screen enlargement on my computer crashed the computer, so I had to switch to another class and try to pick up from where they were in the program. Then the IT guys fixed my computer, so I went back to the first class, completely lost and frustrated. I wanted to quit my job at the end of that first class.
The next morning as I took my shower, I asked God to help me through that day and the rest of the week. I was feeling a lot of trepidation. Then, at the back of my mind, a slight sense of peace started coming over. It caught me off-guard, and I was thinking "Why am I feeling peace when I'm so worried about this class?" Then that sense of peace grew and grew, overcoming my whole consciousness, demolishing my trepidation, and leaving me gasping for breath for 5 whole minutes. And when it finally left, just drawing on its memory took my breath away. It was that powerful. Suffice it to say, that day went much better, and I was able to get through the rest of the week.
Since then, I've started going back to church on a weekly basis. Though I'll admit that I'm not real consistent with praying, or spending time with the Lord outside of church. I seem to go a week of steadfast focus on Him, then a week focused on other things, and alternating like that.
God is truly at the end of the rainbow though. But he's also at the beginning, and he guides us throughout our lives, even when we turn our backs on him. I love the Holy Trinity with all my heart. And you remember that loneliness and depression I talked about, it's mostly gone now because of Him. He fills my heart and soul with peace, joy, and love; and there is nothing more I could possibly want.
My parents got divorced when I was a toddler. Dad was a drug addict who overdosed on heroine and died when I was 8. I lived with him for the three years leading up to that though. So I have some memories, good and bad, of him from that time thank God.
My family moved around a lot when I was a child. As a result, I attended over 10 different schools by the time I graduated high school. I did get my Associate Degree, but dropped out of university before getting my Bachelor's Degree; and never went back.
After that I was unemployed for 7 years. I tried looking for jobs at first, but kept getting the "over qualified and under experienced" line. So after a year of trying, I stopped looking. Roughly around the same time, I lost my faith as well. Fortunately though, my family and friends stepped in, recommending I seek volunteer work. I like to think God guided their hand there as well, because it went a long way toward landing me my first real job which I held for 6 years.
I've never married, nor had children. Truth be told, I'm an introvert, and my social skills leave much to be desired. I have no problem socializing with people I know, or in online communities like this, but when a random encounter comes up that I wasn't prepared for, then I clam up and deal with it very poorly. So for many years, even after landing that first job, I'd get really lonely and depressed. I'd be at work, focusing on my assigned duties, when something would trigger it to the point that when I got home I'd go straight to bed and cry.
Eventually though, probably with God's guidance despite my lack of faith, I came to the conclusion that depression was no good for me. So from that day forward, I began to block out all those thoughts that lead me to depression. It's worked for the most part, but now I turn to God when I'm really struggling.
Anyway, about 4-5 years ago, a friend got me into paying attention to politics and the direction our country was heading into. I started listening to a particularly controversial radio program on a daily basis. It occurred to me that callers would often mention Jesus during their calls, either to bless the host or to quote scripture. So I started thinking about it, and came to the conclusion that no bad can come out of a faith in God. So, I opened my heart to Him for the first time in over a decade.
One day, while walking to the train station on my way to work, it was drizzling outside. Once I got under the shelter of the station though, it instantly started pouring down rain; and at that moment, I thought it was God's doing. Then, a feeling of pure, immense joy came over me unlike anything I've felt before; and it lasted for a good 30 seconds.
Six months to a year later, I was watching a movie on Netflix called Revelation Road, made by PureFlix. I had no idea it was religious in theme, and the more I watched it, the more I started to wonder. That first Revelation Road movie and the one after it had a profound effect on me as it was the first time I really started crying when thinking about God. Now the tears come readily, even as I write this. And I'm not the least bit ashamed to admit that.
Then, this past August, my work was preparing for a major overhaul of its software systems. Which meant a lot of training for its employees. The first day for me was awful. Screen enlargement on my computer crashed the computer, so I had to switch to another class and try to pick up from where they were in the program. Then the IT guys fixed my computer, so I went back to the first class, completely lost and frustrated. I wanted to quit my job at the end of that first class.
The next morning as I took my shower, I asked God to help me through that day and the rest of the week. I was feeling a lot of trepidation. Then, at the back of my mind, a slight sense of peace started coming over. It caught me off-guard, and I was thinking "Why am I feeling peace when I'm so worried about this class?" Then that sense of peace grew and grew, overcoming my whole consciousness, demolishing my trepidation, and leaving me gasping for breath for 5 whole minutes. And when it finally left, just drawing on its memory took my breath away. It was that powerful. Suffice it to say, that day went much better, and I was able to get through the rest of the week.
Since then, I've started going back to church on a weekly basis. Though I'll admit that I'm not real consistent with praying, or spending time with the Lord outside of church. I seem to go a week of steadfast focus on Him, then a week focused on other things, and alternating like that.
God is truly at the end of the rainbow though. But he's also at the beginning, and he guides us throughout our lives, even when we turn our backs on him. I love the Holy Trinity with all my heart. And you remember that loneliness and depression I talked about, it's mostly gone now because of Him. He fills my heart and soul with peace, joy, and love; and there is nothing more I could possibly want.
