This is something I wrote recently, only as jest at first, a take-off on A/A and N/A, but even though it's a little off-beat, it ended up being a pretty good piece of writing with a very serious message for Christians, if I may say so myself. Are you addicted to God?
Hi, my name is [anonymous], and I am an addict.
I'm addicted to God.
I feel the need for God all the time.
I go to the local dealer, often multiple times in a week.
I can't get enough, and I don't want to stop, so where is this road leading?
I've become totally dependent on God.I'm broke because I try to devote all my money to my habit.
Hard users tend to give 10% or more of their income to God, so I never have cash left for staples of modern life such as beer or stripper.
Ever since I got hooked, it started to affect everything.
When you let God enter you, you become completely changed.
I can't live a normal life or do normal things anymore.
My whole existence has started to revolve around God, and it has totally alienated me from other young people my age.
I'm too busy thinking about God to participate in the things that my peers seem to love: keg parties, orgies, nightclubs, bars, tattoos, piercings, dope, television, bad language, negative music, fashion trends, celebrity worship, sex, and getting brainwashed by the academic/political establishment.
The typical activities of my peers hold no enjoyment for me.
It's got to the point now where it's not enough for me to be hooked on God because I want to try to hook my friends, too.
In fact, I want everybody in the world to get hooked on God.
I wish there were a group for people like me, but there's not.
There are groups for people addicted to alcohol, junk food, sex, and narcotics, so why not make one for God-addicts?
We need to tell the public that it is not cool to use God--
You will never be cool when you are on fire for Jesus Christ.
You'll be persecuted, and you won't be in the popular crowd.
Yet once you find God, it's as if those things don't matter.
You'll be so messed up in the head that you won't even care about being popular, being cool, or following the majority.
A basic principle of our society is that the majority rules, so it can't be right to be weird--who are we to be different?
God is obviously dangerous, and so the federal government of the United States of America, exercising its great authority over the men, women, and children in the geographic region which it claims to be its land, has declared God illegal.*
You don't want to be involved in anything illegal, do you?
That is why I have started a new support group, G.A., or God-addicts Anonymous, to help people who have a habit of consorting with this dangerous and illegal thing called God.
If we don't keep our children away from God, they'll end up living entirely for Him, forsaking the things that society expects of its citizens, giving up all their money in order to help the poor, spending all their time going to church, disappointing the state leaders who depend on them for taxes, the business leaders who depend on them to consume trash, and the cultural leaders who simply want to be their idols.
If our babies' futures matter, we must obey the government because if they end up taking God, they might never be on TV.
*(The specific laws are in the Controlled Substances Act, otherwise known as Title 21 Chapter 13 of the U.S. Code, particularly the 21 USC 13 sections 841a and 844a, which explicitly make it unlawful to knowingly or intentionally manufacture or possess a controlled substance, and since God presumably both possesses and is responsible for the original manufacture of ALL federally-scheduled chemicals,
God is a criminal, and furthermore, since the human body naturally contains many of those substances, anyone who is knowingly or intentionally in possession of a human body is a criminal, and the fact that God distributes the human body to people makes God an even worse criminal; God even distributes those chemicals to little children! You might not have known previously that your body contains DMT, GHB, and other illegal chemicals, but you know it now,
so if you are a responsible American citizen you should immediately turn yourself in for possession of such and if you can find God, turn God in for manufacturing them.)
Hi, my name is [anonymous], and I am an addict.
I'm addicted to God.
I feel the need for God all the time.
I go to the local dealer, often multiple times in a week.
I can't get enough, and I don't want to stop, so where is this road leading?
I've become totally dependent on God.I'm broke because I try to devote all my money to my habit.
Hard users tend to give 10% or more of their income to God, so I never have cash left for staples of modern life such as beer or stripper.
Ever since I got hooked, it started to affect everything.
When you let God enter you, you become completely changed.
I can't live a normal life or do normal things anymore.
My whole existence has started to revolve around God, and it has totally alienated me from other young people my age.
I'm too busy thinking about God to participate in the things that my peers seem to love: keg parties, orgies, nightclubs, bars, tattoos, piercings, dope, television, bad language, negative music, fashion trends, celebrity worship, sex, and getting brainwashed by the academic/political establishment.
The typical activities of my peers hold no enjoyment for me.
It's got to the point now where it's not enough for me to be hooked on God because I want to try to hook my friends, too.
In fact, I want everybody in the world to get hooked on God.
I wish there were a group for people like me, but there's not.
There are groups for people addicted to alcohol, junk food, sex, and narcotics, so why not make one for God-addicts?
We need to tell the public that it is not cool to use God--
You will never be cool when you are on fire for Jesus Christ.
You'll be persecuted, and you won't be in the popular crowd.
Yet once you find God, it's as if those things don't matter.
You'll be so messed up in the head that you won't even care about being popular, being cool, or following the majority.
A basic principle of our society is that the majority rules, so it can't be right to be weird--who are we to be different?
God is obviously dangerous, and so the federal government of the United States of America, exercising its great authority over the men, women, and children in the geographic region which it claims to be its land, has declared God illegal.*
You don't want to be involved in anything illegal, do you?
That is why I have started a new support group, G.A., or God-addicts Anonymous, to help people who have a habit of consorting with this dangerous and illegal thing called God.
If we don't keep our children away from God, they'll end up living entirely for Him, forsaking the things that society expects of its citizens, giving up all their money in order to help the poor, spending all their time going to church, disappointing the state leaders who depend on them for taxes, the business leaders who depend on them to consume trash, and the cultural leaders who simply want to be their idols.
If our babies' futures matter, we must obey the government because if they end up taking God, they might never be on TV.
*(The specific laws are in the Controlled Substances Act, otherwise known as Title 21 Chapter 13 of the U.S. Code, particularly the 21 USC 13 sections 841a and 844a, which explicitly make it unlawful to knowingly or intentionally manufacture or possess a controlled substance, and since God presumably both possesses and is responsible for the original manufacture of ALL federally-scheduled chemicals,
God is a criminal, and furthermore, since the human body naturally contains many of those substances, anyone who is knowingly or intentionally in possession of a human body is a criminal, and the fact that God distributes the human body to people makes God an even worse criminal; God even distributes those chemicals to little children! You might not have known previously that your body contains DMT, GHB, and other illegal chemicals, but you know it now,
so if you are a responsible American citizen you should immediately turn yourself in for possession of such and if you can find God, turn God in for manufacturing them.)
I like that.